Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal Brexit.
Grayling, the man who brought you the seminal work, Railway Timetable in May and whose name rhymes with “failing” made the announcement this evening.
During the announcement Grayling said, “Reverend Father Good Luck contacted me about the opportunity to sort the ferry contract out today. He said that a Mr Koji Kive recently died. Mr Kive was the millionaire of several thousand ferries that Father Good Luck now is the owner of. In exchange for £15 million Father Good Luck will provide the UK these ferries.”
The announcement comes on a day that it was revealed that the Government had paid £13 million to Chess Pizza to provide the ferries.
A spokesman said, “In hindsight it was a mistake hiring Chess to provide ferry services. They have no ferries and their only experience in maritime matters was the CEO’s 2 years in the Swiss Navy. Obviously, this posed a problem. Fortunately, Reverend Father Good Luck’s email came just at the right time. I’ve arranged payment via Western Union. For some reason he wouldn’t accept Paypal.”
Mr Grayling also revealed that Father Good Luck has several hundred trains that he could lease to the Government for the unbelievably cheap price of £100 million. In addition to the trains Father Good Luck will provide an anti-drone system for use at airports.
The Government have refused to comment on the deal or allegations that Theresa May is considering providing Father Good Luck £500 million in exchange for a trade agreement he contacted her about.