Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque

Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way for a place of worship for Salisbury Plain's burgeoning Muslim...
Theresa May

Get behind my shit deal or we won’t be able to do dreadful thing,...

Theresa May has urged MP's to get behind her awful Brexit plan or risk not being able to have Brexit. With many people warning that it's a really stupid...

Hundreds arrested in dawn raids for not wearing a poppy

More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.
Meghan and Harry

Aggressive beggars to marry in Windsor Castle in May

People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy, successful actress share his state benefits by marrying her at...
First year student can't wait to get home to tell her pony all about Marxism

First year student can’t wait to get home to tell her pony all about...

A first year student at the University of Bristol is said to be very excited about getting home for Christmas so she can tell her pony all about Marxism. Tabitha van Beckwithshaw from Harrogate, a...
Audi

Sixty grand on four wheel drive for one off drive to work in snow...

A man has confirmed that his choice of Audi Quattro was justified by the recent inclement weather. Chris Lupton spent most of the morning in his office sharing knowing glances and discrete nods of acknowledgement...
Paul Nuttall

Nuttall pulls out of Stoke by-election

NHS hating, pathological liar and leader of UKIP, Paul Nuttall, has today pulled out of the Stoke by-election after it was revealed that his remaining close personal friends were killed in the Swedish terror attack...

New royal baby to be called Mohammed and raised gender neutral

The Duchess of Sussex Megan Markle has today given birth to a healthy child after a quick labour. Prince Harry is reported as delighted, as is his Great-Grandfather, Prince Philip, who is reportedly over the...

Rupert Murdoch still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister

With only two days of campaigning left before the general election, polling suggests that Rupert Murdoch is still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister. Despite an upsurge in support for Labour over the...

Scottish government urged to act as Edinburgh chip shop caught selling deep-fried HEROIN

Health campaigners in Scotland have urged the SNP government to take immediate action after an Edinburgh chip shop was found to be selling deep-fried Class A drugs. Described by some as "possibly the most Scottish...
Prince Harry begging

Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding

Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police sting operation. The Prince was amongst dozens of beggars on the...

‘One is married to Philip’ Queen reminds Public who think Trump too racist for...

Over 1.8 million Britons have signed a petition to deny a State Visit to nylon-haired snake-oil salesman and part-time President, Donald Trump.  The petition insists that Trump's racism, sexism and general vulgarity would cause embarrassment...

London celebrates first “Gammon Pride” event

Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will see gammons from all over the country converge on London...
Bob Marley

Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion

Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer Bob Marley for anti-semitism. "You can't just go around throwing words...
Stonehenge

Druids “fecking knackered” after moving Stonehenge an hour forward

With the season now officially spring, clocks up and down the nations have been moved forward one hour to adjust to British Summer Time; or if you are from Burnley, they just happen to...
Beer

Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer

Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have yet to come to fruition. ISIS-supporter and sad little wanker,...

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