Theresa May has succeeded in negotiating paying full price on a sofa from DFS.

Mrs May was returning from Salzburg following the most disappointing trip to Austria since Kara Mustafa got to 17th Century Vienna to discover all the shops were closed when she bought the sofa.

An aide told us, “We were driving to her constituency when we passed a DFS branch. She demanded we immediately stop so that she could go and put a deposit on a sofa she’s had her eye on for a while. Shea marched straight in and bought it in an hour. We were all quite shocked that she paid full price for it though. Who knew that DFS sell things for full price?”

The aide told us that whilst Mrs May was adamant that she was paying full price she faced stiff opposition from both the DFS staff members and her own advisors. “She just dismissed us as worthless experts who know nothing and handed her credit card over. It’s strange because I thought that that Egg bank had gone bust put apparently not.”

It’s not clear if Mrs May negotiated a deal on the transportation of her new sofa but we can confirm that she actually left the shop empty handed.

One shop insider told us, “We pleaded with her to accept free delivery but she was determined that she was going to have a bespoke deal in place in time to be able to take the sofa home in October.”

It’s further alleged that Boris Johnson has already written a 15 page exclusive for The Daily Telegraph on how rubbish the sofa is.

Satire Aid is back!Visit the Satire Aid website.

SHARE
Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.