There were touching scenes at The Moderates against Moderation riot in the car park outside Rochdale’s now infamous Waitrose as police and rioters came together to help a fat man out of his trousers.

Steve Dickinson (39 and a half Lib Dem) had been stuck in his vintage stonewash Wranglers for almost 8 days when the crowd took pity on him.

“He just looked so uncomfortable.” Leroy Trotsky (no relation) told us. “There was no chance he was getting them off on his own.”

It took five protestors and two heavily armoured riot policeman almost 15 minutes to free Mr Dickinson from the ambitiously sized 36″ inch waist Wranglers. A police spokesman told us;

“You can’t be too careful. It might seem like a good idea to try on a pair of jeans you bought in the late 90’s but to do when there’s nobody around to help you out of them could lead to seriously embarrassing scenes. Be safe, be realistic and stop lying to yourself. You’re definitely fatter than you were.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.