White nationalists boycott Black Friday claiming all Fridays matter

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A number of white nationalist groups have joined together in a boycott against the post-Thanksgiving consumer event known as Black Friday. Black Friday has been...

David Blunkett confirms he’s still blind following driving test

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively confirm that David Blunkett is still blind. Mr Blunkett confirmed the findings of his most recent eye sight test...
Conspiracy Theorists

Conspiracy theorists conflicted as scientists announce mask wearing protects from 5G

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Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G. Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told...

Statue of Bristol slave trading Tory MP ‘tripped and fell’ insist police

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In Bristol, England, police attended a protest against police brutality, during which a more than 100 year old man who posed no threat to...

Britain First blame Foreigner for it being Cold As Ice

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We don't care if you've heard this joke before, because for us, it Feels Like The First Time. Dirty White Boy fan club Britain First...
Earl Grey

Earl Grey tea is actually horrible, admit people who drink it

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A woman from Rochdale has admitted that she doesn't really like Earl Grey tea because it tastes horrible. Winifred Barbarella from Milnrow (35 and three...
Bob Marley

Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion

Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer...
Empty bus seats

Thirty nine bus seats arrested in counter-terrorism operation

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In what police are describing as a “significant” counter-terrorism operation, thirty nine bus seats were arrested today on suspicion of being involved in jihadist...

Gay traffic lights turn pavements to mince

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Transport for London have overstepped the mark by introducing gay traffic lights according to Rochdale father of two, Arthur Branesell. "Its outrageous! There's one with...
Scientists

Obvious Satire Still Confusing Idiots, Say Scientists 

Researchers at the esteemed Rochdale Community University have published a study today revealing that fool-proof satire is still not fool-proof.  "We gave some angry morons...

Shaun Ryder and Bez involved in major undercover police anti-drugs operation

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Police have released details of a massively successful anti-drugs operation conducted with the help of Shaun Ryder and Bez. As the son of a...
Snow on trees

Rochdale Council to vote on plan to colour snow

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Rochdale Council are to consider a plan to colour snow to make it more representative of the cultural mix of the area. The Rochdale Multi-Cultural...

Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS

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Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional. His father, Robert...
bus driver

Bus drivers distraught they can’t lose shit when given a fiver due to increased...

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Bus drivers distraught they can't lose their shit when given a fiver, due to increased ticket prices. Up and down the country local bus drivers...
Tommy Robinson

Muslims should respect our laws, says racist in prison for breaking our laws

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Today crowds of nearly a few dozen have gathered outside Downing Street armed with Placards stating "free are Tommy" and two Netto bags full...
Sunbathing woman

Homeworkers warned to wear suncream as UK heatwave intensifies

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With expectations that this month's sweltering weather could become the norm a health strategy is urgently required to protect the thousands of people who...

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