Brexiteer skydiving team dies in tragic accident after replacing parachutes with optimism

An entire elderly skydiving display team has died in a tragic accident in Essex this weekend after replacing their parachutes with an optimistic attitude. The...
Beer

Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer

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Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...
Audi A5

Audi driver denies allegations he used indicators

An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning. At least one woman...
Farm Animals

Animals vote that MPs can’t feel pain or emotion

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Following rejection by Parliament of the EU treaty to recognise animals as sentient beings, The Rochdale Herald has learned of a reaction by the...

Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam

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The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from...

New royal baby to be called Mohammed and raised gender neutral

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The Duchess of Sussex Megan Markle has today given birth to a healthy child after a quick labour. Prince Harry is reported as delighted, as...
Queen and Philip

The Queen asks Merkel to form a government

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Her Majesty the Queen is expected to travel to Berlin later today to ask German Chancellor Angela Merkel to form a government for the...

Hundreds arrested in dawn raids for not wearing a poppy

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More than 300 people have been arrested as part of an operation to prevent people who aren’t wearing a poppy to be seen in public today.

Winter 2016 enters third consecutive year

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Meteorologists have confirmed that winter 2016 has entered its third consecutive year. With more bloody miserable weather forecast officials at the Met Office have concluded...
White Patio Furniture

Patio chair braces himself for Storm Brian

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A patio chair in Milnrow is bracing himself for an absolutely terrible few days after news that yet another storm with high winds is...
BMW

300,000 BMW recalled after being found to contain faulty drivers

BMW has confirmed a second recall of hundreds of thousands of vehicles from UK roads in a year, due to problems with the cars...
Earl Grey

Earl Grey tea is actually horrible, admit people who drink it

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A woman from Rochdale has admitted that she doesn't really like Earl Grey tea because it tastes horrible. Winifred Barbarella from Milnrow (35 and three...
Prince Philip

Prince Philip to star in new season of The Walking Dead

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There are rumours circulating today that Prince Philip will get a central role in a new series of, The Walking Dead. The show depicts characters...
Drinking Wine

Not drinking alcohol only makes life feel a lot longer, confirm experts

Not drinking will make your life feel a lot longer, according to a study that suggests not being a little bit drunk every day...
Car Stuck in snow

Motorist who travelled during red weather alert furious car stuck on motorway for 15...

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There were ugly scenes this morning after a motorist lost his temper having been stuck on a motorway in a major tailback for 15...

Government announces Festival of Brexit will be held in derelict car manufacturing plants

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The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit. Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, "The festival will...

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