Prince Harry begging

Prince Harry arrested in Windsor for aggressive begging to pay for wedding

Windsor-- Following complaints of aggressive begging on the streets of Windsor today Prince Harry was among the vagrants swept up in a Thames Police...
Theresa May

Theresa May negotiates paying full price for a DFS sofa

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Theresa May has succeeded in negotiating paying full price on a sofa from DFS. Mrs May was returning from Salzburg following the most disappointing trip...

Sam Allardyce to step in as caretaker princess for rest of season

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Following the news that Harry and Meghan were to take a "step back" from Royal duties, Buckingham Palace made a swift move and have...

Whitewash of establishment nonces in the interests of the children – says dame

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 Amber Rudd is set to give evidence to a commons committee on the state of the inquiry into child sexual abuse in place of...
James Hewitt

James Hewitt ‘THRILLED’ at Prince Harry’s engagement to Megan Markle

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James Hewitt has said he's 'thrilled' at the announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry to 'some sort from America'. "Many people don't know this,...

Damien Green MP makes xxxpenses claim for Porn Hub premium membership

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Allegations have recently arisen that Conservative MP and incumbent minister of the cabinet office, Damian Green MP had been browsing and downloading 'thousands' of...
Wrapping Presents

I’ve already wrapped all my Christmas presents, say terrifying psychopaths

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Terrifying psychopaths around the country have taken time out from planning murders and disembowelling their neighbour's pets to tell The Rochdale Herald that they...

New British Sign Language gesture devised to mean ‘Daily Telegraph reader’.

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Users of British Sign Language (BSL) have adopted an addition to their vocabulary. This is a reaction to a front page article in the Daily...

David Blunkett confirms he’s still blind following driving test

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The Rochdale Herald can exclusively confirm that David Blunkett is still blind. Mr Blunkett confirmed the findings of his most recent eye sight test...
Beer

Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer

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Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...

Daily Mail photo editor awarded the Iron Cross

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The chief photo editor for The Daily Mail has been awarded the Iron Cross this afternoon. A spokesman for The Daily Mail said, "This award...

Prince Andrew to move to Thailand for 6 months

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Prince Andrew has announced plans to spend 6 months of the year living in Thailand. The Prince will then spend the other 6 months...

Queen buys Prince Andrew Whirlpool washing machine

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The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas.  A Palace source told us, "It was going cheap because of some recall...

Brexiteer skydiving team dies in tragic accident after replacing parachutes with optimism

An entire elderly skydiving display team has died in a tragic accident in Essex this weekend after replacing their parachutes with an optimistic attitude. The...

Defiant Brit resumes place in queue

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Stuart Anderson, has resumed his place in the Borough Market cheese stall queue. Anderson, 34, told the Herald that he was going to a dinner...
McDonald's

McDonald’s launches monster fatburger

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Lard-loving fast food fanatics McDonald's made the announcement immediately following the news that London's sewers have been blocked by vast deposits of insoluble grease. The...

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