The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be an idea to get his big coat out of the loft.

It comes after the UK faced a second day of completely seasonal wintry weather and what has been described by some pundits as “a little bit of snow.”

The stretch of the M62 between Halifax and Rochdale remains “the highest” stretch of motorway and some motorists reported seeing “a bit of snow next to it on the moors” which is completely normal for bit of road really high up in a country in the Northern hemisphere.

The warning was put in place on Wednesday¬† morning after Steve Dickinson, 42 and a half, from Rochdale was apparently overheard to say something to a stranger walking his dog about “it being a bit chilly” and that he should have worn more than “just a tee shirt” for his 6am walk around Scammonden Reservoir.

The Met Office immediately revised their forecasts; shut the railways, closed the roads and ports and asked the Army to be put on standby.

All the shops in Lancashire immediately sold out of bread, milk and Special Brew after a brief spate of completely typical Sarturday night riots and panic buying. Nobody is sure if that’s because it was Saturday or because of the weather.

Steve Dickinson said: “I’m not entirely sure what all the fuss is about. I haven’t actually got my big coat out of the loft, it’s been up there since 1993. All I said was that if it got much colder than -12C I might have to let Barbara put the heating on and think about getting my big coat out.”

“I didn’t mean to cause a national panic. How was I supposed to know that bloke I was talking to was from Leeds.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.