Pig’s have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist.

Pig, Stan Still said, “It’s racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of my porcine pals have died to give you a tasty meal. I don’t see you having a go at pineapple in this way. We can’t help being born pink and delicious.”

Gammon Bill Board, 72 said, “I’ve not spent 18 months calling people who disagree with me snowflake to get racism back. I didn’t give my youth fighting for freedom to be treated like this. Instead of coming up with insults people should debate ideas with me and see that I’m right. You shouldn’t generalise just because someone has a different view to you. We won, get over it you entitled avocado eaters who all think socialism is a good idea.”

Bernadette Murphy told us, “They keep saying gammon is racist. The thing is that when they’re racist the person they’re being racist towards can’t usually help it as they were born that way. Gammon complexion is a result of alcoholism mixed with permanent rage at political correctness is why they’re gammon coloured. Their salty demeanour doesn’t help either.”

It’s understood that there will be a gammon march at the weekend where lots of old men who’ve been told they’re not allowed to use the term “darkie” will complain that other people are entitled. This will be followed by a brawl at Ascot where gammons will stick two fingers up at feminism.

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Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.