I wouldn’t rape a fat woman, I have standards – says Trump

Thousands of Republican voters suffered serious head injuries yesterday after face palming themselves really hard during a Trump Rally.

Adorable baby will grow up to be massive bellend

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The parents of an adorable baby in the borough of Rochdale were dismayed to learn today that statistically it is very likely that he...
Dartboard

Brexit decided by a swift round of ‘Bullseye’

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It was revealed today that the Brexit deal was decided by the British government and the EC leaders taking part in an episode of...
Bank of England

Government promises next batch of fivers ‘will be halal’

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There was an outpouring of fury earlier this week from vegetarians, vegans and religious groups as it was revealed that our new £5 notes...
Tommy Robinson

Tommy Robinson distances himself from the Labour Party

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Right wing folk hero Tommy Robinson has issued a statement distancing himself for The Labour Party. The statement was issued in response to speculation that...

Britons Now Incapable Of Making Any Decision Without A Referendum

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The majority of British people are now incapable of making a decision without first holding a referendum, according to a study published today. Researchers...
Al Powell

Racist black cop shoots mentally unstable white veteran, says Fox News

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Fox News has accused the LA Police Department of institutional racism after a black cop shot a mentally unstable white veteran on the steps...

UKIP launch investigation into how 3 of its members managed to read a map

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UKIP have launched an immediate inquiry into how 3 of its members managed to read a map and several signs to find a book...

Theresa May says alcohol and poor judgement to blame for Trump state visit

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Theresa May has been responding to calls to cancel the Trump state visit during a press conference today. Responding to criticism that the invitation for...
Bearded "hipster"

Hipster twats demand clean shaven white twats condemn terror twats

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Nathan Barley led calls today for clean shaven white twats to “take responsibility for their community.” “It is imperative, at this time of national crisis,...
Daily Express Readers

Charity begins at home, say dickheads who don’t give money to charity

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Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home. The wankers, who can...

Mime artist finds way out of glass box

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Mime artists across the world are silently applauding the first ever recorded occurrence of a mime artist breaking out of a glass box. There was...

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