“I didn’t want to go to your poxy wedding anyway” says Theresa May

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Prime Minister of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Theresa May, has announced that she didn't want to go to the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle anyway. The announcement came...

Local hero returns from stay in hotel with both his iPhone charger and toothbrush

A local man is being hailed as some sort of hero after managing to return home from a stay in a hotel with both the toothbrush and the iPhone charger he took with him. Steve...

Man who thinks caging children is a good idea says Brexit will be great

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A man who thinks that separating children from their parents and putting them in a cage is a good idea has said that the UK should be more positive about Brexit. POTATUS ambassador to the...

Royal baby to be named Prince Kevin. Probably.

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Following the news that Duchess of Cambridge has given birth to a bouncing baby boy, speculation is rife regarding the name the House of Windsor will announce. With an official announcement yet to be forthcoming,...
Cocker Spaniel

Cocker Spaniel has reasonable and sensible response to doorbell

Reports are coming in that a cocker spaniel has had a perfectly reasonable and sensible reaction to somebody ringing the doorbell. The incident occurred when the eight-year-old black Cocker Spaniel called Graham heard the doorbell...

We mess with clothes sizing to mess with your heads shops tell women

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Leading women's clothing shop owners have said they stock clothes with inconsistent sizing to mess with women's heads. One leading shop owner said, "We deliberately make our clothes quite large. So a size 10 here...

Tears of remainers used to put out Saddleworth Moor fire

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Lancashire Fire Brigade have announced they're considering using the tears of remainers to put out the flames on the top of Saddleworth Moor. Fire Officer Asif Hose told us, "The fires have been blazing for...

The woman who managed to get thirty hours free childcare from HMRC to enter...

The woman who managed to get thirty hours free childcare using the HMRC has been thrown out of MENSA for being “too clever” and has been invited to appear on the BBC’s Mastermind quiz...
Corbyn

Revealed: your top 5 favourite ways to explain Corbyn losing a general election to...

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Jeremy Corbyn is the people's champion and the most popular politician in England, so, just how do the people of Rochdale think he lost an election? 5. The Stalin: our leader can do no wrong,...
Ryanair

Calling people a Black Bastard is a term of endearment, says Ryanair racist

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A man who was filmed saying racist things to a black grandma on a Ryanair flight this week has said that calling her a "Black Bastard" was actually a term of endearment where he...
Mutineers

Daily Telegraph releases images of MPs it thinks should wear EU flag armbands

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The Daily Telegraph has today released photos of the M.P's it says should wear arm bands that signify their mutineer status. The paper says that the armbands should be in the design of the EU...

Emergency services respond to man with spade in head

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Ambulance crews were called to an address in Wigan this morning after a local man suffered head injuries. The man's wife called 999 after her husband, who had been digging in his allotment, slipped on...
Game of Thrones

Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns

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As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined taste are bracing themselves for months of impenetrable chatter. "What did...

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