Fuck this, we’re off to the pub say protestors
The one million protestors who were expected to topple the Tory government today collectively said “fuck this, we’re off to the pub” after temperatures...
Cannabis legalisation could mean users run out of things to talk about within 24...
Experts are tonight warning that Britain's stoner community could run out of things to talk about in as little as 24 hours. The warnings...
Angela Merkel looking forward to going Interrailing with Michael Gove
Angela Merkel is reported to be ecstatic about spending the summer Interrailing with Michael Gove. Gove will be Interrailing as part of the Governments...
Tapas actually Spanish for ‘not enough food’ confirms Spain
Spain has confessed to the international community today that the word Tapas actually translates as 'not enough food'.
The revelation comes after local office drone...
Catlike powers wasted on cats
According to research at the institute of institutes catlike powers are absolutely wasted on cats.
Researchers have discovered that despite having incredible superpower like abilities...
Man’s life improves after running out of fucks to give
The life of a Rochdale man has improved immeasurably after he finally ran out of fucks to give.
Office manager James Harding, 38, ran...
It’s a Christmas Miracle says Rochdale Man who needed nineteen pairs of new socks
A Rochdale Man who was running dangerously low on half price Pringle socks from TK Maxx has praised friends and relatives for stepping in and buying him almost two dozen pairs for Christmas.
Rest of world ceases activity so BBC can cover snow
As Britain is experiencing the worst snow since last time,the rest of the world has decided to cease all activities and events to let...
Scientists confirm that builder’s tea is just tea
A team of scientists from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that builder's tea is, in fact, just tea.
Clarence Tetley,...
We survived Bubonic plague so we’ll probably survive Brexit, Government assures Britain
The Government has released advice on what to do in the event of a 'no-deal' Brexit. The advice has the catchy strap line, "No-deal,...
Get on smack if you love the Union Jack – patriots demand you inject...
Britain's most patriotic patriots have led calls for everyone in the country to be forced to inject themselves with poppies. The push for proper...
Gyms too fucking busy, confirm everybody
Britain's gyms are in a state of absolute chaos as billions of people descended on them today.
It was standing room only in every single...
