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We’re showing some restraint, how about the rest of you try it

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Like most of the country, the Herald woke up this morning to the news of a catastrophic tower block fire in West London. This...
Larry the Cat

Larry the Downing Street Cat responds to allegations of sexual misconduct: These stories are...

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Disgraced veteran mouser Larry the Downing Street Cat on Friday admitted to allegations of sexual misconduct that were levelled against him earlier in the...
Love Actually

Christmas ruined after husband caught shagging secretary on Christmas Eve

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Christmas is officially ruined after the managing director of a local advertising agency was caught by his wife bonking his secretary on Christmas Eve. Father...

Theresa May Reads A Christmas Carol Backwards To Give It A Happy Ending

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It's one of the most famous stories, if not the most famous, in the English language. It's been made into countless films, plays and...

Nation tries to remember why it told kids to knock on strangers’ doors for...

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Did we just adjust the clocks so that it is dark by the time kids come home from school, and then teach them to...

Anglo US relations at lowest ebb since war of 1812 as Queen joins anti-trump...

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Anglo US relations have reached their lowest ebb since 1812 when British Force burned down the White House after members of the Royal Family...

Britain faces Sophie’s choice over which incompetent arsehole leads it

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Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it. A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the...

Champion Shadow Cabinet Minister in U-turn U-turn

MP Sarah Champion, permed badger and former/current shadow Minister of Preventing Abuse and Changing One's Mind, unresigned today in what the Guardian and Owen...

Rail Companies to simplify process of deciding which is the worst

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Following recent criticism from the rail regulator, Train operating companies (TOCs) are to make it easier for travellers to decide which has the worst...

Idiots declare ‘It’s officially Christmas!’ following annual sugar water advert

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The popular Coca Cola advert which includes trucks and or polar bears has aired on UK television again tonight as it does every year. Millions...
Pensioners

It’s not our fault you can’t afford a house, say Thatcherite geriatrics to younger...

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British geriatrics were claiming victory this afternoon in the long held ‘it was better in the old days’ debate against younger demographics. Research released by...
Mutineers

Daily Telegraph releases images of MPs it thinks should wear EU flag armbands

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The Daily Telegraph has today released photos of the M.P's it says should wear arm bands that signify their mutineer status. The paper says that...

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