National News

Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home. The wankers, who can usually be seen stepping over homeless people and carefully avoiding...

Brock Hampstead, a male badger from the New Forest, has started a campaign targeting what he claims is speciesist profiling by advertisers. "I know that advertising works to strict algorithms, I'm not an idiot, but...

The children of hippies have been telling the Herald about how they've been preparing for receiving disappointing advent calendars. 8 year old Freedom Snowphish said, "Last year they got me a carob calendar. It was...

Britain has revealed it is spoiled for choice on which incompetent aresehole it has leading it. A spokesman told us, "Everyone is cheering at the prospect of a fresh Prime Minister with new ideas to...

Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people. One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the royal wedding. This weather has come as a bit of...

A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list. The list, which includes Tommy Robinson's Mohammed's Koran, Mein Kampf, Nietzsche. Heidegger and rather...

Anglo US relations have reached their lowest ebb since 1812 when British Force burned down the White House after members of the Royal Family were pictured protesting Trump in London. The Queen was pictured holding...

Tony Blair has already earned more than you will this year and it's only January. For those unfamiliar, Mr Blair is the most successful leader the Labour Party has ever had. He won one of...

A family pet in North Yorkshire has jumped to the conclusion that he is about to go for a walk after his owner crossed his legs on the sofa while drinking a cup of...

Leading members of the Right Wing Nutjobs Association have been flinging accusations around willy-nilly to the amusement of 'leftie libtards' everywhere. Right wing nutjob Nigel Farage called Britain First a bunch of right wing...

British retail workers have revealed that they're looking forward to signing on with blue passports. Cliff Edge told us, "Not having a job or any money will be a drag. I'll probably be feeling quite...

The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations. "It's become clear that writing something on the side of a bus is no guarantee of achieving it, as we had...

Icon, n. A person or thing regarded as a representative symbol "'Back and Blue - Brits will get their iconic dark blue passports back after Brexit, ministers reveal today - in a stunning campaign victory...

Arron Banks from Leave.EU has today clarified that he didn't finance the vote leave campaign that the Electoral Commission has found guilty of overspending during the EU referendum campaign. He is actually being investigated...

The secret owners of an estimated one million companies registered in the British Virgin Islands Sunday registered their displeasure at the UK government's slow response to hurricane Irma which last week devastated much of...

A lack of Britain shooting itself in the foot and Donald Trump not doing something stupid for a few days has left Britain to contemplate its plans Dianageddon. The Daily Express has announced it intends...