The Conservatives may be about to dump their current tree logo and replace it with a ladder.
In 2006, the Conservative and Unionist Party dumped the logo of a torch used during the Thatcher years in favour of a tree. The use of the tree of knowledge from the Book of Genesis showed their vision of a consumerist society revolving round the pursuit of Apple products.
But, times change. A spokesman for Conservative Home said:
“We have been very happy with the tree logo. The wise serpent advising man on what is best was a really quite accurate reflection of the role of our MPs. Young Conservatives also appreciated the ability to inspire younger voters with Kaa from the Jungle Book. But, Conservatism is a big tent, and we must make room for more snakes.”
“Change is always difficult for the Tory party. The Thatcherite logo of a torch evoked our Unionist role by symbolising the historic firing of Scottish villages, as popularised by Braveheart. People were reluctant to move on, indeed, Lord Tebbit denounced the tree as looking like a “fucking broccoli”. But even he warmed to it after we pointed out how flammable trees are.”
“We were tempted to return to a Unionist theme for a billion reasons. This new logo, however, appeals to traditional family values, like a board game played lovingly at Christmas without argument. The ladder will be constructed from boot-straps and bicycles to represent our values of self-sufficiency and sustainability. Like the tree before it, it will merely imply the presence of snakes, but by evoking Snakes and Ladders, it will widen the tent to include so many more snakes. As it should be.”
Appreciating how cynical some of our readers are, the Herald would like to reassure you that this new logo in no way represents a commitment to dismantle the welfare state such that your success in life is solely determined by dice roll.
Even if it did, relax! After all, this is Great Britain. So, if you get a bad shake, like accidentally stabbing your boyfriend whilst on drugs, judges will give you a free re-roll if your dice are white.
