Arseholes planning to ruin Christmas by not letting go of 2016 political bollocks
Unfortunately an opportunity to have that shit in your family who disagrees with you captive for a few hours is too much for some
Daily Express readers warned to brace for worst winter in 5 billion years
The Daily Express has reported that Britain is to experience the worst winter for the last 5bn years.
John Muir, of Inexact weather forecasting said,...
Tommy Robinson makes full recovery from racism after being diagnosed with Luton intolerance
Many people are unaware that their bodies won't tolerate Luton. But being Luton sensitive shouldn't stop you from living a healthy, happy life. Whilst...
“Your dad is a horrible man”, says man yelling at child because he doesn’t...
A middle aged man has today made another middle aged man aware that he doesn't like him by standing outside the man's home and...
Amber Rudd becomes Secretary at Home
Amber Rudd today denied she had resigned as Home Secretary, and claimed she had simply renegotiated the job title and specification.
"I have agreed...
Trident satnav and sellotape cutbacks a mistake admits Michael Fallon
Top honcho at the MOD, the right honourable Sir Michael Fallon MP, has admitted that cutbacks in the Trident programme may have contributed to...
Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film
His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga.
Warning: contains spoilers
Shooting began today for the latest...
Daily Mail photo editor awarded the Iron Cross
The chief photo editor for The Daily Mail has been awarded the Iron Cross this afternoon.
A spokesman for The Daily Mail said, "This award...
Unemployed layabout doesn’t want £350m a year job shaking hands and waving
The people of the United Kingdom were reassured this morning by Prince Harry's statement that he does not want to be king and will...
Baby seals used in making of new £1 coin.
The bank of England and Royal Mint announced today that the new pound coin that entered into circulation this week is made using the...
Dirty Politics
Britain's next Prime Minister is guaranteed to be female but what most people don't know yet is that only one of the contenders will...
Buckingham Palace announces Prince Andrew to tour Paris road tunnels
Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Andrew will go on a state visit of Parisian road tunnels later this week.
In a statement a spokesman...
Turkey escapes Christmas by identifying as a golden eagle.
A turkey on a Norfolk farm has been spared slaughter after claiming to identify as a majestic bird of prey.
"Once I found a tin...
Piss levels dangerously low after 2016 took it all – study finds
A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being...
Potholes are going to be our next victims, confirms government
A source within the Conservative Party has confirmed today that they plan to murder all of the potholes in the country should they win...
Wales announces plans to be available in colour by 2022
The Welsh national Assembly has announced plans for Cardiff to be available in colour from 2022.
Cardiff will be the first City in Wales...
