Wise Men slam ‘unreasonable expectations’ as ‘Virgin’ Mary’s first sausage is a foot-long manger...
Some wise men have today hit back at a high street bakers claiming that their 'Foot-Long Sausage Roll' creates unrealistic expectations about baked goods....
Fathers happy to ditch Father’s Day if it means Mother’s Day is canned too
The Rochdale Institute of Advanced Fathering has issued a statement today offering to do away with Father's Day on the condition Mother's Day goes...
Prince Andrew to move to Thailand for 6 months
Prince Andrew has announced plans to spend 6 months of the year living in Thailand. The Prince will then spend the other 6 months...
Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus
Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...
Theresa May to Naked Mud Wrestle Nicola Sturgeon for the Right to Trigger Brexit
British Prime Minister Theresa May is to mud wrestle naked with Scottish nationalist leader Nicola Sturgeon for the right to trigger article 50 to take the...
Change of fart for Donald
Leading language experts are calling for a change in the classification of the word 'trump'.
Traditionally, it has been used as:
a term for flatulence
...
Remain scaremongering smells likes truthmongering admits Mark Carney following sniff test
Mark Carney, Governor of the Bank of England, the place where they invent money, has admitted that remain campaigners accused of scaremongering may actually...
Thousands gather in North Yorkshire to see world’s first completely empty Biro
There is more travel misery anticipated for the rest of the week as tens of thousands of people are expected to continue making their...
Mensa exam to be replaced by attempting to sync iTunes
International high IQ club Mensa has announced plans to scrap their famously difficult entrance exam, and replace it with a quest to negotiate Apple's...
I suppose we better start our Christmas shopping, say men
Men all over the world are reluctantly conceding that now might be a good time to start their Christmas shopping.
"If I start shopping at...
Make America Great Again
We keep hearing Donald saying he's going to make America great again, sounds good to us but we were curious to find out when...
And now we watch it die, parents tell children after choosing Christmas tree
Families up and down the country are in the slow process of watching their Christmas trees die after putting them up in their living...
New phrase ‘Wankers Dozen’ defined as ‘Britain First meeting’
The Rochdale to English Dictionary today confirmed it would be adding the colloquial phrase 'wankers dozen' to their 2019 edition. The R.E.D.'s official definition...
Stephen Fry forced to deny writing tomorrow’s Queen Speech
Rumours are circulating within Westminster village regarding tomorrow's Queen's Speech. In order for it to be the unmistakable work of comedy everyone expects, Downing Street...
KFC chicken shortage averted with introduction of all new recipe
KFC lovers around the country are thrilled that their local branches are reopening with an all new menu.
Chiefs at the multi-national fast-food chain have...
Harry and Meghan choose poisonous flowers for wedding as symbol of their love
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have announced they've chosen to symbolise their love with poisonous flowers.
Digitalis or, Foxgloves as they're more commonly known will...
