National News

After celebrating the amazing success of Team GB at the Winter Games, winning 5 medals at a cost of only £28 million, the whole of Britain was inspired to stay at home when it...

Street pushers in Glasgow have been demanding up to £2 for a hit of Irn Bru as addicts have started stockpiling ahead of a planned change in recipe. Irn Bru, widely regarded by many as...

Government manicurists today rushed to Theresa May's aid following a nail injury, frantically claiming it was merely "chipped varnish". As finger after taloned finger slips from the precipice, purchases of fake nails have sky...

Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility of rebooting his television career after being released last May...

A Starbucks in Manchester was evacuated today after a man called Alan Akbar ordered a Caramel Frappuccino. Alan told us, "I was out shopping and fancied a quick coffee. I've been in Starbucks a couple...

NHS workers and the general public were reassured this morning to learn Jeremy Hunt flushing money down his new toilet will replace the sound of Big Ben for the next four years. The famous bells...

A group of American tourists are threatening to sue a Birmingham hotel , after claiming that the owners have exposed them to humiliation and ridicule.   The group from New York, all in their sixties, left...

Former Auror and famed 'boy who lived' Harry Potter has revolted against JK Rowling, who is his creator, by supporting Jeremy Corbyn only days after she publicly denigrated the plaid and corduroy socialist. "Obviously I...

Nicola Sturgeon has told Theresa May that she is not "bluffing" on the promise of a second independence and has gone to Defcon Fandabidoubledozi! In an interview with the BBC's Andrew Marr she squeaked a...

Sheffield MP Jared O’Mara has found himself in extremely hot water today as fresh evidence of controversial views and opinions have been found on the internet. O’Mara, who unexpectedly beat the former Tory BDSM submissive...

Haulage and motoring groups were raising concerns this morning over driverless lorry tests on motorways, citing the results of the ongoing driverless country test. Transport Really Research has won the contract from government to carry...

The British Press had better be nice to Prince Harry's new girlfriend Meghan Markle or we could end up with "a bat-shit crazy old boot for a Princess instead". The warning comes from Bert...

The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to keep her job at times of peak energy usage.  With spare...

Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan. A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing as it means a more robust immigration policy can be...

A picture of Omran Daqneesh, the five year old boy who was pulled from the rubble that used to be his home in Aleppo, Syria yesterday, has hit the news media by storm and...

Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have been holding back British industry. "We need to take back control...