Michael Gove

Gove cast as Tick-Tock in Rupert Murdoch’s adaption of ‘Peter Pan’

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An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove...
Homeless

Every doorway to get free homeless person, pledge Conservatives

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The Tory Party has pledged that every doorway in Britain will get a free homeless person by 2021. A spokesman told us, "The Tory Party...
Crashed Gritter Lorry

Council has enough grit

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A council in the North of England is absolutely confident that this is the year that they have bought enough grit to salt the...
UKIP

UKIP suspends member for reading a book

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A member of UKIP was today suspended when found reading a book that does not appear on UKIP's 'approved' list. The list, which includes...
Royal Mail

Royal Mail agrees to launch new £6 first class Brexit stamp

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The Royal Mail have announced a special stamp to commemorate Brexit today. The stamp will be a first class stamp and cost £6. The Daily...

British Firewall totally not about censorship and spying, says head of spying and censorship...

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GCHQ, the British spy agency that is regularly exposed for bugging our phones and nicking our online data to spy on us, has announced...

Social Media punishing the pound in Postal workers pockets

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With the rise and rise of Facebook, E-Cards and Internet banking the way we celebrate important events with family and friends is fast changing.  Nowadays...
Heart Attack

What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack

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It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...

UKIP launch investigation into how 3 of its members managed to read a map

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UKIP have launched an immediate inquiry into how 3 of its members managed to read a map and several signs to find a book...
Theresa May

Theresa May refuses to attend the General Election

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After appointing her recently bereaved Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, to take flack from 'the most left wing audience since a Stalin rally' - Daily Mail, in...
Daily Express Readers

Charity begins at home, say dickheads who don’t give money to charity

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Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home. The wankers, who can...

I wouldn’t rape a fat woman, I have standards – says Trump

Thousands of Republican voters suffered serious head injuries yesterday after face palming themselves really hard during a Trump Rally.
David Cameron

Cameron cronies cry nonsense at cries of Conservative cronyism 

Friends of David Cameron have sprung to his defence today after accusations that his Exit Honours list is an example of cronyism. "Clearly this is...
Theresa May

You’re In Or You’re Out

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Casual racism is set to become a thing of the past under new Prime Minister Theresa May. Shoe-obsessed Theresa May has announced plans to eradicate...

Rochdale Herald Reporter groomed in ‘Muslim No-Go Area’.

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Our South Yorkshire correspondent Sebastian Wiesel recounts his experience of yesterday morning. "I was walking round Sheffield antiques quarter this morning, looking for a place...

Queen’s festive question for Balmoral faithful

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Her Majesty The Queen has returned to the Balmoral Estate to spend time with her family over the Christmas holiday and will be attending...

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