Theresa May

Concerns raised over driverless lorry tests after results of ongoing driverless country test

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Haulage and motoring groups were raising concerns this morning over driverless lorry tests on motorways, citing the results of the ongoing driverless country test. Transport...

Sturgeon Scotland Indyref Goes to Defcon Fandouble-Dozi

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Nicola Sturgeon has told Theresa May that she is not "bluffing" on the promise of a second independence and has gone to Defcon Fandabidoubledozi! In...

Country that burns effigies of a Catholic annually upset by statue damage

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A country that in the year of our Lord 2020 still thinks burning Catholics is a family friendly November evening out, is upset by...
Foreign Languages

British man who can speak French to be burned as a witch

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According to reports the British man who has learnt to speak a foreign language fluently is to be burnt at the stake on Tuesday. Lord...

Marines B, C, D, E, F & G escape court martial by not forgetfully...

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Today Marine B was quietly reflecting on the time he shot a badly wounded prisoner of war in Helmand. No one else ever heard about...
Philip

Queen acts out stamp during charades for 60th year running

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The Queen acted out a stamp for the 60th year running during the traditional game of Charades at Sandringham yesterday. An insider told us, "She...

Thousands gather in North Yorkshire to see world’s first completely empty Biro

There is more travel misery anticipated for the rest of the week as tens of thousands of people are expected to continue making their...
Big Ben Fireworks

Recently renamed London landmark Massive Mohammed to ring out for Diwali despite repairs

There will be fewer quiet nights during October after the authorities in charge of the House of Commons agreed to give the recently renamed...
Snapchat

Ransomware means government absolutely definitley needs to read your Snapchat

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The recent ransomware attack on the NHS and many others across the world definitely means that GCHQ need to read your email, announced...

Scientists Prove Fake News Caused by “A lack of bullying in schools”

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Scientists believe they have proven the rise of Fake News is a direct consequence of the decline of bullying in schools. Professor Andrei Clewsov of...

Santa Claus Denied Visa to Enter UK

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The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide...

Police chiefs launch captive breeding programme in bid to boost officer numbers

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Police chiefs in England and Wales have been asked to contribute their best and brightest officers to a captive breeding programme due to be launched in...

People who ‘say it like it is’ invariably arseholes groundbreaking research concludes

Researchers at Rochdale Community University have concluded that people who "tell it like it is" are invariably complete arseholes. "People who 'tell it like it...
White Patio Furniture

Patio chair braces himself for Storm Brian

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A patio chair in Milnrow is bracing himself for an absolutely terrible few days after news that yet another storm with high winds is...

Abu Hamza to be welcomed back to the UK with State Visit

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Hate preacher Abu Hamza has been invited to a State Visit after Number 10 revealed that they are widening the scope of the unsavoury...

Bears cleared of ‘shitting in the woods’ says watchdog

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The independent Bear Complaints Commission has found that there is no evidence that bears are guilty of shitting in the woods. The misconduct watchdog,...

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