Footage of Michael Gove going for a drive emerges

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Michael Gove has denied that footage of someone driving blind folded is actually him this afternoon. The footage appears to show Mr Gove in traffic...
Pigs

Stop calling florid cheeked alcoholic racists gammon, it’s racist, say pigs

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Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist. Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of...

Let’s get this over with Says Queen

5
Her Majesty the Queen has today told the government "Let's get this over with. I've got a horse in the 3pm at Ascot". Her worshipfulness...

London celebrates first “Gammon Pride” event

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Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will...
Theresa May

May To Wheel Out Trebuchet

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Theresa May will relaunch her election campaign today with a classic bit of fighting kit. A trebuchet nicknamed 'Warwolf". The trebuchet, effectively a giant catapult,...

Thousands come together for eye testing

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Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us,...
Dartboard

Brexit decided by a swift round of ‘Bullseye’

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It was revealed today that the Brexit deal was decided by the British government and the EC leaders taking part in an episode of...
Theresa May

Theresa May to meet Carwyn Jones to tell him to fuck off in person

Theresa May is set to meet Carwyn Jones, the First Minister of Wales to reassure him that the needs, plans, hopes and dreams of...

Statue of Bristol slave trading Tory MP ‘tripped and fell’ insist police

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In Bristol, England, police attended a protest against police brutality, during which a more than 100 year old man who posed no threat to...

Clock in car mysteriously right again

There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously...
Boris Johnson

Boris Johnson spotted on side of M25 after wheels and doors fall off car

6
Reports have reached the Rochdale Herald that Boris Johnson was spotted by the side of the M25 yesterday waiting for a recovery truck. One witness...
Nuclear explosion

May denies knee-jerk policy reaction to Trident misfire

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Sources at Number 10 today denied that there was any connection between elements of Theresa May's new industrial strategy and the colossal Trident balls-up...

Smart Energy may help me keep job – says National Grid boss

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The new head of the National Grid, Nicola Shaw,  has today encouraged consumers to opt for "smart energy" devices which will enable her to...

More Guardian Subscriptions Cancelled Over Fresh Crossword Slur

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Following yesterday's scandal that saw literally units of enraged Scotts cancelling their subscriptions, The Guardian's simple crossword this morning poured fresh fuel onto the...
Car parked over two spaces

Sexism Claim Over Parking Abuse

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A driver has defended parking his car across two spaces in a supermarket car park saying "no one would have batted an eyelid if...
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Leamington to become post Brexit English capital

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The Warwickshire town of Leamington could become the new English capital following the United Kingdom's departure from the European union, sources close to prime...

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