Boris not offensive, simply misunderstood – insists Boris

Posh fop-headed press gob and Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has defended the countless insults and faux pas he has made by claiming that each...

Sturgeon Scotland Indyref Goes to Defcon Fandouble-Dozi

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Nicola Sturgeon has told Theresa May that she is not "bluffing" on the promise of a second independence and has gone to Defcon Fandabidoubledozi! In...
Ambulance Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim

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Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.

BBC expose puts police behind Barr’s

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A shock revelation on BBC Breakfast this morning revealed that British police forces are using fizzy drink to subdue suspects. The footage was taken from...

Homeworkers mysteriously suntanned

People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts...

Satire writers doubting their future after ‘test’ post gets more likes than most ‘serious’...

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Satire writers at The Rochdale Herald have been left doubting their future after a 'test' post collected more likes today than most 'serious'...
Plumber

London’s last affordable plumber shot by poachers

London's last surviving affordable plumber has been killed by poachers in Clapham, according to a conservation group that protects a dwindling group of reliable...
Man in tree with chainsaw

Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’

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Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down...

England celebrates patron saint of Syphilis

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England is to spend the day celebrating the patron saint of Syphilis today. Branches of Wetherspoons across the land will be full of obese, gammon...

Grant Shapps hires ferry fleet to transport people back to offices

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Transport secretary Grant Shapps is so convinced that going back to work in offices is safe, that he has hired a fleet of ferries...

Brexiteers Celebrate Scrapping of Human Rights Act

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Today The Justice Secretary announced the scrapping of The Human Rights Act as outlined in the Tory Manifesto to a room full of Sith...

Corbyn train lie proves case for nationalisation

After it was revealed today that Jeremy Corbyn lied about having to sit on the floor of a train he claimed was ram packed,...
Russell Brand

Russell Brand in hot water again for ‘pranking’ Andrews Sachs’ granddaughter

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Long haired Labour killer and plastic revolutionary, Russell Brand, has come under fire once again this morning after 'pranking' the granddaughter of the late...

Fears sugar tax could mean bottom falls out of mobility scooter market

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The British mobility scooter industry has warned that it could see a huge drop in production of mobility scooters following the introduction of the...

Anglo US relations at lowest ebb since war of 1812 as Queen joins anti-trump...

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Anglo US relations have reached their lowest ebb since 1812 when British Force burned down the White House after members of the Royal Family...
Colin Firth

Leave.EU tells orphaned bear to “piss off back to Peru”

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Coming over here, shitting in our woods... A small bear arrived in this country some years ago. The friendly bear, with his old hat, battered...

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