Chewing gum booms as government invests £100 billion in wrong ‘Trident.’

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An administrative error has seen government funding to renew British nuclear armaments sent to the wrong ‘Trident.’ Earlier today £100 billion was electronically transferred to...
Angry Man

Google breaks under search query strain after hot weekend

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Google breaks under the strain of millions of Britons preparing their excuses for work on Monday morning. As millions of us check up on the...

Footage of Michael Gove going for a drive emerges

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Michael Gove has denied that footage of someone driving blind folded is actually him this afternoon. The footage appears to show Mr Gove in traffic...
Angry

People angry about Hillsborough weren’t even victims

13
Like a crowd of Paul Nuttalls, they press forward into the comments section, STOP, STOP writing right there. “The timing is appalling, how dare you...

Damien Green MP makes xxxpenses claim for Porn Hub premium membership

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Allegations have recently arisen that Conservative MP and incumbent minister of the cabinet office, Damian Green MP had been browsing and downloading 'thousands' of...
Emergency Services

Office worker pops supressing huge fart during 5 hour meeting

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Tragedy struck a small IT company in Dorking yesterday after one of its office workers brave efforts to tame a particularly brutal build-up of...

Tower of London illuminated by 10,000 fires as Aaron Banks burns documents

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The Tower of London was last night illuminated by the light of 10,000 small fires as Aaron Banks and officials from Leave.EU burnt loads...

Parents of nativity play’s King Herod unsure what this says about their parenting

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A Rochdale teacher has been telling the Herald about how this year's school nativity has been dogged by endless controversy. The teacher, who asked not...
Beer

Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer

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Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...
Tube Chat

Tube chat badges surprisingly successful

0
Tube Chat Badges given out to travellers on the London Underground to encourage people to talk more are said to be a surprising success,...
Britain First

New phrase ‘Wankers Dozen’ defined as ‘Britain First meeting’

0
The Rochdale to English Dictionary today confirmed it would be adding the colloquial phrase 'wankers dozen' to their 2019 edition. The R.E.D.'s official definition...
unhappy man

I just want things to be the colour they were before, admits Brexiteer

0
Icon, n. A person or thing regarded as a representative symbol "'Back and Blue - Brits will get their iconic dark blue passports back after...

Daily Express readers desperately hoping new Royal baby is a ginger

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Daily Express readers up and down the country have welcomed the news of Duchess of Sussex's pregnancy by crossing all of their fingers and...

Scottish football fans to show solidarity with Colombia by snorting loads of cocaine

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Scottish football fans have said they will up their intake of cocaine this weekend in an effort to demonstrate their solidarity with the Colombian...

Tommy Robinson supporter disappointed by lack of Muslim no-go areas in London

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A Tommy Robinson supporter from Rochdale has told of his disappointment at discovering London isn't a Muslim no-go area dominated by Sharia Law. Cliff Edge...
Celebrating Man

Rochdale man abandons Marxism after winning £10 on lottery

5
A Rochdale resident has been explaining how winning £10 on the lottery has made him re-evaluate his position on Marxism. Shea Bukharin told the Herald,...

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