National News

In Bristol, England, police attended a protest against police brutality, during which a more than 100 year old man who posed no threat to them was allegedly pushed so hard that he fell into...

The life of a Rochdale man has improved immeasurably after he finally ran out of fucks to give. Office manager James Harding, 38, ran out of fucks last night following the Government’s defeat of...

Esther McVey, a former television presenter and now a falling star in Westminster, relishes her career - but admits to no regrets in her personal life Esther McVey is used to gossip. When she was...

A Rochdale man has spoken to us about vegetable he has found that looks remarkably like Prince Charles.  Bill Board told us, "It was last Saturday that I found it. I saw it sticking out...

A child from Rochdale has concluded that life is meaningless and that everything dies during a visit to York with his parents during the Easter holidays. Sam Smith, 12, from Rochdale was taken to York...

Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were a nuclear missile launch site throughout the 70's and 80's,...

People have been mixing up the Automobile Association and Alcoholics Anonymous on a massive scale, it has emerged. Things came to a head recently when a Rochdale man was surprised to find when filling out...

The Duke of Edinburgh has strenuously denied sending Prince Harry and Megan Marckle a toxic package. The parcel was left on Harry and Megan's doorstep on Wednesday night. A Palace aide said, "Harry and Megan...

The one million protestors who were expected to topple the Tory government today collectively said “fuck this, we’re off to the pub” after temperatures in the capital hit 35C. “We’re still really angry about the...

The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas.  A Palace source told us, "It was going cheap because of some recall or something. The Queen loves a bargain so seized her...

Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby has today explained that The Church of England doesn't actually have shares in Amazon as Yodel has never delivered them. Welby said, "The accusations that the Church of England has...

Posh fop-headed press gob and Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has defended the countless insults and faux pas he has made by claiming that each and every one was taken out of context Just in what...

London's continued plans to absorb the entirety of Great Britain into the never ending tentacles of its grotesque boundaries were handed a huge boost today. Transport For London excitedly announced news of a deal...

Domestic retail giant Homebase is rumoured to be about to bow to pressure from Michael Gove's employer, Rupert Murdoch, by stocking a series of garden gnomes with Gove's face. The loveable gnomes, to be nick-named...

The weather scientist went on to predict industrialised nations have a maximum of one year before the amount of material stored in the cloud reaches a critical mass of never ending rain.

The Daily Mail is calling for a web browser alert that tells readers that prolonged exposure to its website will turn them into completely racist bellends to be changed. The NewGuard plug-in for Microsoft Edge...