Gyms too fucking busy, confirm everybody
Britain's gyms are in a state of absolute chaos as billions of people descended on them today.
It was standing room only in every single...
Wetherspoons to rebrand as “Special Circle of Hell”
Pub chain Wetherspoons is to re-brand as the Special Circle of Hell following an endorsement by EU President Donald Tusk.
A spokesman for the company...
We have no shares in Amazon as Yodel are delivering them, says Justin Welby
Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby has today explained that The Church of England doesn't actually have shares in Amazon as Yodel has never delivered...
Aliens Behind Trotskist Entryism, Claims Watson
Speaking from inside a tent made entirely of tinfoil, Deputy Leader of the The Labour Party told us that Aliens from the planet Luminx8-B...
Only 3,617 parliamentary sex scandals until Christmas
The United Kingdom was very giddy to learn today that there are just 3,617 parliamentary sex scandals left to be revealed before Christmas.
Santa Claus...
Esther McVey resigns to spend more time with other people’s families
Esther McVey, a former television presenter and now a falling star in Westminster, relishes her career - but admits to no regrets in her...
Cocker Spaniel has reasonable and sensible response to doorbell
Reports are coming in that a cocker spaniel has had a perfectly reasonable and sensible reaction to somebody ringing the doorbell.
The incident occurred when...
Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA
Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime.
Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things...
Tony Blair has already earned more than you
Tony Blair has already earned more than you will this year and it's only January.
For those unfamiliar, Mr Blair is the most successful leader...
That God person is a pervert say parents of transgender kids
A primary school has become the center of a row when it taught religion to transgender pupils.
St Andgreavsey's primary school faced a...
Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab
Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London.
Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts...
Chilcot stuns world with news that Pope is catholic
Sir John Chilcot has stunned the world by stating again that the Pope is catholic and so it seems is Britain's greatest wartime leader...
Office tea expert ‘just sad’ reveals study
It was confirmed today that people who make a song and dance about brewing and drinking tea are among the saddest characters in any...
Roof Falling Down Fastest Thing About Southern Rail
Southern Rail execs are busy trying to figure out how to blame unions for one of their trains falling to bits on its way...
Treasury seek OAP to sit in baked beans to fund Social Services
In a surprise press release, the Treasury have today revealed a novel initiative to bolster funding for cash-starved Social Services.
In the statement, Chancellor of...
I suppose we better start our Christmas shopping, say men
Men all over the world are reluctantly conceding that now might be a good time to start their Christmas shopping.
"If I start shopping at...
