David Davis-Brexit Speech in full
In a monumentous speech to the House of Commons yesterday, the Brexit Minister David Davis set out the government's plans for taking Britain out...
Prime Minister Theresa May autobiography to be made into a feature film
Footloose 2 will follow the adventures of a band of feisty teens who live in a town where dancing on Sundays is against...
Blitz Spirit redefined to mean allowing a foreign Government to choose your ambassador
The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that it is redefining the meaning of Blitz Spirit. The move comes a day after the British Government...
Arms manufacturers to commemorate the fallen dead
Since 1919, on the second Sunday of November, otherwise known as Remembrance Sunday, a two minute silence has been observed at 11am at war...
Husband Goes Shopping Buys Everything on List
A woman from Cleckheaton told The Rochdale Herald today how her husband went shopping, with a list, and returned an hour and a half...
G4S wins plum contract to monitor domestic waste disposal inside homes
David David MP, the Minister for Local Government was forced into the public gaze today to confirm that G4S has been awarded the coveted...
Edinburgh caught in grip of Calamine lotion shortage as midge season starts
Insect repellent sold out today as the temperature north of the border rose above zero, Spring sprang and Edinburgh played host to the annual...
Scientists confirm tea tastes better when somebody else makes it
Researchers from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that tea tastes loads better when somebody else has made it.
Maurice Tips,...
James Hewitt ‘THRILLED’ at Prince Harry’s engagement to Megan Markle
James Hewitt has said he's 'thrilled' at the announcement of the engagement of Prince Harry to 'some sort from America'.
"Many people don't know this,...
Emergency services respond to man with spade in head
Ambulance crews were called to an address in Wigan this morning after a local man suffered head injuries.
The man's wife called 999 after her...
Labour Unveil New All White Party Flag
Thanks to Labour another Article 50 bill amendment that would have risked empowering the British people, who are now known to be idiots, has...
Scientists reveal 2016 to be a fake year
It has been established by scientists at Rochdale Community University that 2016 was the result of an illegal artificial intelligence experiment.
Herr Dr Professor Doktor...
Marine A tired of catchphrase ‘shuffle off this mortal coil you c*nt’
The soldier formerly know as "Marine A" has finally been released following his time served for slaughtering an injured enemy combatant and recording his...
It was straightforward shooting not sex, says Prince Andrew
Young girls were released into the Sandringham Estate and shot at as part of Ghislaine Maxwell's birthday celebrations, Prince Andrew has revealed.
The Duke of...
Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters
Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University's Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...
The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply.
Labour spokesman, Stan...
