People who start sentences with ‘I’m not racist, but’ are definitely about to say...

76
Indeed, not one instance was found of a non-racist comment following "I'm not a racist, but."

Man with plan to carpe the absolute diem out of today now on his...

13
A Rochdale man woke up Monday morning to his Eye of the Tiger alarm clock, punched the air, and said let’s get to work. Trevor...
Man thinking

Dad thinking about thinking about starting his Christmas shopping

0
A Rochdale Dad has broken protocol by announcing that he has begun thinking about thinking about starting his Christmas shopping with more than a...
Houses of Parliament

Boost for NHS as Government pledges 50% of uncollected change from vending machines over...

0
The NHS received a much needed boost today, after Number 10 kindly pledged to plough a sizeable portion of uncollected change from all Government...
Theresa May

May To Wheel Out Trebuchet

0
Theresa May will relaunch her election campaign today with a classic bit of fighting kit. A trebuchet nicknamed 'Warwolf". The trebuchet, effectively a giant catapult,...
Chemistry

Everyone on Facebook expert in analytical chemistry all of a sudden

0
Everyone on Facebook is now an expert in analytical chemistry it has been revealed. The news comes after scientists at Porton Down revealed that they...

KFC chicken shortage averted with introduction of all new recipe

0
KFC lovers around the country are thrilled that their local branches are reopening with an all new menu. Chiefs at the multi-national fast-food chain have...

Power vacuum at the top of British politics sponsored by Dyson

0
Into the breach steps the face that launched a thousand suckers, James Dyson. He wants the country to shake the dust off its feet...
Black Stig

Replacing Burqa with Stig costume fails due to ‘wrong colour Stig’

0
As reported yesterday, Muslim women have been on the streets in an adapted version of the burka in an attempt to integrate with middle...

Storm Eleanor wreaks havoc after gate left open on wind farm

0
Met Office issues "risk to life" warnings with wind speeds over 80mph expected overnight. It has been revealed that Storm Eleanor, the latest storm to...
Heart Attack

What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack

0
It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...

Navy admiral rejects job because he can spot a sinking ship when he sees...

0
The controversy over the U.S. National Security Advisor position continues as Trump’s most recent nominee for the position, retired vice admiral Robert S Harward, rejected the...

Baxter, president of Dogs, issues chilling warning to Felix, Beloved Leader of the Cats.

0
President Baxter of the Dogs has today issued an ultimatum and warning to his Cat counterpart, Beloved Leader Felix, over the rising tension in...

Idiots declare ‘It’s officially Christmas!’ following annual sugar water advert

0
The popular Coca Cola advert which includes trucks and or polar bears has aired on UK television again tonight as it does every year. Millions...
Theresa May

Theresa May refuses to attend the General Election

0
After appointing her recently bereaved Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, to take flack from 'the most left wing audience since a Stalin rally' - Daily Mail, in...

Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms

0
Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney".  Claiming to...

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