May to offer Britain complete break from Boris Johnson
In a last ditch attempt to win the X Factor vote tonight,the PM today took the unusual but popular step to separate Boris Johnson...
Fears Thames Beluga whale is a Russian spy
There are fears a Beluga Whale spotted swimming in the River Thames may be a Russian spy. The whale was spotted earlier this week...
Rick Astley gives up turns around and deserts you
The 80's smash hit superstar and naughties annoying meme, Rick Astley, is hanging up his mic once and for all.
After the the shock death...
Council demolish victim’s home to erect memorial garden for dead burglar
In a surprise move today London councillors have confirmed plans to demolish the home of 78 year old Mr Osborn-Brooks and in its place...
Confused Alt-Right activists boycott PC World
Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest.
The cause of...
UKIP Historian reveals Russia didn’t invade Afghanistan and Hitler was misunderstood
Acclaimed UKIP historian and shit stirrer extraordinaire, Arron Banks, took to Twitter yesterday to point out that "the Russians didn't invade Afghanistan."
The historian and...
To be fair I was pissed, says Nigel 2.0 candidate
Steven Woolfe, the chief xenophobe-in-waiting of totally unracist UKIP party has been caught out forgetting things.
Again.
After forgetting to apply for the candidacy he's standing...
Great weather for ducks, confirm ducks
Ducks around the UK have confirmed that they are having a really lovely day and are enjoying the weather.
Speaking from the middle of a...
First shipment of thoughts and prayers arrive for those made homeless by Grenfell Fire
The first shipment of thoughts and prayers has arrived in Kensington to be distributed amongst those left homeless by the fire that destroyed Grenfell Tower one week ago.
1000’s of tea plantation jobs go as Yorkshire Tea announces it’s moving production to...
There are fears that thousands of tea plantation workers in Yorkshire could lose their jobs as makers of Yorkshire Tea, Taylors of Harrogate, announced...
Woman who believes she is British Prime Minister found wandering in Japan
A woman who apparently believes she is the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom has been found wandering in Japan attempting to convince people...
Homeworkers mysteriously suntanned
People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts...
Rochdale man sues Ancestory.com after DNA test shows he’s 60% banana
A Rochdale resident has announced he's suing Ancestory.com after a DNA test showed he shares 60% of his DNA with a banana.
He's citing inaccuracies in the...
“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons.
Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.
With launch codes about...
Key Brexit aim amended from ‘extra 350m a week to spend’ to ‘not many...
The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations.
"It's become clear that writing something on the side of a...
David Blunkett confirms he’s still blind following driving test
The Rochdale Herald can exclusively confirm that David Blunkett is still blind. Mr Blunkett confirmed the findings of his most recent eye sight test...
