Santa sacks Rudolph due to his low productivity levels
It's "snow" joke.
Santa has sensationally sacked his seasonal sidekick, Rudolph.
The reason was that the much-loved face of animal disability was displaying typically...
Britain urged to get used to winter
With the annual two inches of snow set to cause havoc across the country again experts have advised people to stop whining and get...
Piss levels dangerously low after 2016 took it all – study finds
A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being...
Replacing Burqa with Stig costume fails due to ‘wrong colour Stig’
As reported yesterday, Muslim women have been on the streets in an adapted version of the burka in an attempt to integrate with middle...
Radical preacher Anjem Choudary Wins a Five-and-a-Half Year Contract to Radicalise UK Prison Population
The 49-year-old was today offered the position at the Old Bailey after an exhaustive selection process. Police say Choudary will now have a captive...
Cost of posting a letter first class rises to both legs below the knee
The rises in the cost of posting your mum's birthday card using The Royal Mail have now come into effect.
A first-class stamp will now...
People urged to collect this year’s autumn leaves for currency post apocalypse
The Home Office has issued advice to the nation’s gardeners this year that they should be storing this year’s autumn leaves for use as...
Baby seals used in making of new £1 coin.
The bank of England and Royal Mint announced today that the new pound coin that entered into circulation this week is made using the...
Tolkein With Tits set to dominate office conversations as Game of Thrones returns
As the umpteenth series of the godawful fantasy franchise "Game of Thrones" is due to air on Murdoch-vision this week, those with more refined...
Michael Gove to celebrate New Year’s Eve with simple meal of live mice and...
Michael Gove has confirmed that he will be spending New Year Eve at home for quiet night in with his eggs.
The environment secretary has...
Sad wankers unable to even part a Londoner from his beer
Sad little wankers have today expressed dismay that their plans to sow fear into our communities and bring about the downfall of society have...
Young people urged to move to areas with cheaper housing and spend savings on...
The Government is to tell young people that they should move away from urban centers in order to pay less rent.
With rents increasing in...
Hampstead Heath Glory Holes to close in respect for George Michael
Regular visitors to Hampsted Heath have been informed all glory holes will be closed from tomorrow as a mark of respect to George Michael.
A...
Thousands gather in North Yorkshire to see world’s first completely empty Biro
There is more travel misery anticipated for the rest of the week as tens of thousands of people are expected to continue making their...
Criminals allowed to break law in ‘specific and limited way’
The Home Office has confirmed that British criminals will now be allowed to commit crimes in a 'specific and limited way' following the government's...
Man left alone for the weekend yet to put his trousers on
A man who’s wife has gone away for the weekend is yet to put his trousers on The Rochdale Herald has learned.
Thomas Thomas of...
