Tories secure parent vote after abolishing school holidays, weekends and Christmas
Parents up and down the country have thrown their support behind the Conservatives today after details emerged of a radical new plan to abolish school holidays and send children to school for 12 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days of the year.
Kensington and Chelsea Council crowned Royal Rassclart of the Year
In a much needed triumph for the under pressure Conservative party, its leadership of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea has received recognition...
Rail Companies to simplify process of deciding which is the worst
Following recent criticism from the rail regulator, Train operating companies (TOCs) are to make it easier for travellers to decide which has the worst...
Pink shirts are all the rage, says man who left red sock in washing...
A bloke who only wears pink shirts now is insisting that they are all the rage having washed all of his white clothes with...
Baby seals used in making of new £1 coin.
The bank of England and Royal Mint announced today that the new pound coin that entered into circulation this week is made using the...
Wales Seeks Independence as Gareth Bale Doubles Welsh GDP
Carwyn Jones has changed his mind on Welsh Independence after Gareth Bale’s new contract doubled the GDP of Wales.
Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain
The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office.
A hosepipe ban has been enacted...
Man still wearing shorts admits his legs are cold
Tom Hodgkins of Heywood today admitted that wearing shorts in winter is a bad idea and his leg are cold.
We caught up with Tom,...
Santa Claus Denied Visa to Enter UK
The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide...
Earthquake rescue workers reassured that Wales is fine, it’s supposed to look like that
Earthquake rescue teams from around the globe were told to stand down today after they descended en masse on Neath in South Wales following...
Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours
Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...
Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason
Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources.
For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...
Collins Dictionary compilers to take course in basic arithmetic after calling ‘fake news’ the...
Lexicographers who compile the Collins English Dictionary have been signed up en masse for a course in basic arithmetic, it has been revealed.
The move...
Boris Johnson spotted on side of M25 after wheels and doors fall off car
Reports have reached the Rochdale Herald that Boris Johnson was spotted by the side of the M25 yesterday waiting for a recovery truck.
One witness...
Boris Upsets Sturgeon Over Calls for New Indyref
Boris Johnson today ran into further hot water, or perhaps hot oil, over comments responding to Nicola Sturgeon's view that only an Independent Scotland...
Sick Home Sec sacked?
Home Sec Diane Abbott has been off sick since cancelling her appearance on Woman's Hour yesterday but has she been sacked?
Jeremy Corbyn was giving...
