Rees-Mogg puts his clock back 200 years
Jacob Rees-Mogg has, today woken up in 1818 after instructing his Valet to put his clock back 200 years.
His Butler, Riff Raff told us,...
Queen denies ever having met Prince Andrew
Buckingham Palace has released a statement from the Queen denying that she has ever met Prince Andrew.
In the statement the Queen said, "I've never...
Olympic Bobsled team advised not to drive to work because it’s a bit slippery...
After celebrating the amazing success of Team GB at the Winter Games, winning 5 medals at a cost of only £28 million, the whole...
Russia urges foreign powers not to meddle in their U.K. elections
The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections.
A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other...
We mess with clothes sizing to mess with your heads shops tell women
Leading women's clothing shop owners have said they stock clothes with inconsistent sizing to mess with women's heads.
One leading shop owner said, "We deliberately...
Brexit Secretary resignation is ‘ferry nuff’ and we’ll get ‘Dover’ it, says PM
Brexit secretary Dominic Raab, who had one job, to achieve an appropriate agreement to leave the EU, has resigned from the government
Announcing his departure...
Tommy Robinson makes full recovery from racism after being diagnosed with Luton intolerance
Many people are unaware that their bodies won't tolerate Luton. But being Luton sensitive shouldn't stop you from living a healthy, happy life. Whilst...
Theresa May smashes transfer fee record by buying 10 Northern Irish defenders for £1.5BN
Theresa May today totally smashed Paul Pogba's world transfer fee record into smithereens after purchasing 10 Northern Irish defenders for a yet to be...
For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain
The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...
Bad dishwasher etiquette is evidence of evolution running backwards
Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into...
Right wing nutjob calls right wing nutjob a right wing nutjob
Leading members of the Right Wing Nutjobs Association have been flinging accusations around willy-nilly to the amusement of 'leftie libtards' everywhere.
Right wing nutjob...
Trust me to deliver Brexit, says woman you wouldn’t trust to deliver a pizza
"I'll deliver Brexit just like I deliver pizza." That's what Theresa May said and people have been queuing up to say that that's Brexit...
PC BBC bans ‘graphically violent’ crucifixion depictions for Easter
In a controversial move, the BBC has announced it will be 'normalising' it's guidelines for showing scenes of violence, by banning all images of...
Ice Cream headache pandemic reaches CRISIS point, as heatwave TERROR continues
With millions of Britons terrified by the recent apparition of a giant ball of fire in the sky, there was further harrowing news today,...
Premier Inn to change all the locks tonight
Every Premier Inn in the country is changing their locks tonight, whilst Lenny Henry hosts Red Nose Day on the BBC.
Mr. Henry was the...
Grouse shoots report sudden increase in children’s birthday party bookings
The leaders of some of Britain's major grouse shoots have reported that children's birthday party bookings are up 100%.
Hubert Chomlomoley-Wearnear told us, "Normally at...
