Ireland wakes up in South Atlantic after all-night craic.
The island of Ireland had braced itself for the oncoming of storm Ophelia in the best Irish tradition, with a night of craic and...
Grant Shapps hires ferry fleet to transport people back to offices
Transport secretary Grant Shapps is so convinced that going back to work in offices is safe, that he has hired a fleet of ferries...
Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19
Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
Ruins of sunken city in South Yorkshire ‘just Sheffield’, archeologists told
Archeologists have been left disappointed today after being told that the ruins of an ancient sunken city was actually just Sheffield.
Archeologist Bill Board told...
Will of the Scottish People Revealed to be Sturgeon’s Imaginary Friend
An SNP insider has revealed that Nicola Sturgeon's repeated use of the phrase 'Will of the Scottish People' is actually a reference to her...
Government toasts success as rate of reduction in homelessness doubles
Homeless reduction is the latest resounding success for Britain's most popular female Prime Minister ever.
The May Government has shown that not only may it...
Campaign to buy McDonnell new calculator raises £65,000,000
The public have rallied behind calls from Robert Chote, the Chairman of The Office for Budget Resposibility to buy The Shadow Chancellor, John McDonnell, a new calculator.
Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque
Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way...
Starbucks evacuated after customer Alan Akbar orders a coffee
A Starbucks in Manchester was evacuated today after a man called Alan Akbar ordered a Caramel Frappuccino.
Alan told us, "I was out shopping and...
In search of wankers dozen – story behind Britain First. A two part investigation...
Following the announcement of the new term 'wankers dozen' defined as 'a Britain First meeting', the Rochdale Herald has been investigating the story behind...
Daily Mail issue apology for calling white mosque shooter a terrorist
There was chaos in The Daily Mail Newsroom this morning as they scrambled to reset copy before going to press after the gunman who...
Put a bloody jumper on if you’re cold we’re not made of money, Philip...
“Put a jumper on and stop fiddling with the blasted thermostat, I just got it right. If you’re that blinking cold go and walk some of those wretched dogs you insist on keeping. And I’m not talking about the Fergie's sprogs!”
People confused over what Testing is for
Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned.
Idiots the country over were...
Pope to make Roger Moore a saint…
In a surprise move, the Pope has announced plans to beatify Roger Moore, the popular actor who has very sadly passed away today.
The Pope was...
South Koreans and Londoners in agreement that it’s “grim up north”
South Koreans will similarly be asked to stand on the border with their own north and use megaphones to shout at their alienated relatives that they think they have it hard, they could try living in Rochdale.
First shipment of British thoughts and prayers arrives in Barbuda
A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain.
The jet touched down...
