Trident Subs: Gotta catch ’em all

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Speaking at the Nato summit in Warsaw this week, David Cameron has hinted that almost £16bn ear-marked for the renewal of the Trident nuclear...
Christmas Tree Family

And now we watch it die, parents tell children after choosing Christmas tree

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Families up and down the country are in the slow process of watching their Christmas trees die after putting them up in their living...

UKIP launch investigation into how 3 of its members managed to read a map

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UKIP have launched an immediate inquiry into how 3 of its members managed to read a map and several signs to find a book...
MEGHAN AND PRINCE HARRY

FA cup cancelled due to Royal Wedding scheduling clash

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The Rochdale Herald has learned that the Football Association have taken the unprecedented step of cancelling the 2018 FA Cup final. The move comes after...
BMW

You can’t skid if you don’t brake, confirm BMW drivers

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One of Britain's leading self-proclaimed driving experts was kind enough to give the Herald some tips on how to drive safely in the snow. "Don't...
Bob Marley

Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion

Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer...

Arseholes planning to ruin Christmas by not letting go of 2016 political bollocks

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Unfortunately an opportunity to have that shit in your family who disagrees with you captive for a few hours is too much for some
Smiling Liam Fox

Liam Fox Claims UK First in Queue for Scottish Trade Deal

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Liam Fox has sparked rumours that the Scottish Independence Referendum planned for 2018 was a foregone conclusion this afternoon. The furore began when Mr. Fox...

Oxford English Dictionary finally defines ‘Brexit’

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Brexit means Brexit… says Mrs T. May of Downing Street. Her assertion has prompted many people to ask exactly what ‘Brexit’ means. Answers have so far...
Theresa May

May To Wheel Out Trebuchet

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Theresa May will relaunch her election campaign today with a classic bit of fighting kit. A trebuchet nicknamed 'Warwolf". The trebuchet, effectively a giant catapult,...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling announces he’s pregnant after taking Covid-19 antibody test

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Chris Grayling has revealed he's pregnant after he took the new Covid-19 antibody test.  A spokesman said, "It came as quite a surprise for Chris...

Blair offers May role as Middle East Peace Envoy

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Embattled Prime Minister Theresa May has been thrown an unexpected life line today. A surprise call from Tony Blair offering her the plum role...

Tower of London illuminated by 10,000 fires as Aaron Banks burns documents

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The Tower of London was last night illuminated by the light of 10,000 small fires as Aaron Banks and officials from Leave.EU burnt loads...
Queen and Duke

Queen undergoes Duke of Edinburgh replacement operation

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The Queen has undergone a successful operation to have the Duke of Edinburgh replaced. Doctors at King Charle's hospital in London said the operation had...

Collins Dictionary compilers to take course in basic arithmetic after calling ‘fake news’ the...

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Lexicographers who compile the Collins English Dictionary have been signed up en masse for a course in basic arithmetic, it has been revealed. The move...

British vegetarians declare tuna a vegetable for the sake of everyone’s sanity on Spanish...

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The Royal Society of Being Scared of Food, which has represented vegetarians for over forty years, declared tuna a vegetable today for the purpose...

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