Priti Patel congratulates Boris Johnson on arrival of 3001005789th baby boy
Priti Patel, Minister for whatever the heck it is she does has been one of the first Government Ministers to congratulate Boris Johnson and...
Boris Johnson spotted on side of M25 after wheels and doors fall off car
Reports have reached the Rochdale Herald that Boris Johnson was spotted by the side of the M25 yesterday waiting for a recovery truck.
One witness...
Santa Claus Denied Visa to Enter UK
The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide...
Confused Alt-Right activists boycott PC World
Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest.
The cause of...
Mel Brooks confirms rework of The Producers starring Donald Trump about to climax
Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at...
Christmas ruined as Santa fails CRB check
Christmas may be cancelled as Santa has failed to get his CRB check renewed.
The revelation came last night when a Government Spokesperson said, "Santa...
People who speak in cliches to be removed from breeding population
Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches.
"We first heard...
KFC announce they’ve run out of ice
First they ran out of chicken; Then it was gravy. Now KFC have run out of ice cubes.
Ruth Sanders of Rochdale KFC said, "We've...
Outrage after child attends school Halloween party dressed as a MOSQUE
A group of parents is said to have been left "absolutely fummin (sic)" after a child turned up to a local Halloween party dressed...
Question Time cut short after woman dies of boredom
The BBC's Question Time recording was cut short on Thursday after an audience member passed out from boredom during the recording.
Filming of the BBC...
Catlike powers wasted on cats
According to research at the institute of institutes catlike powers are absolutely wasted on cats.
Researchers have discovered that despite having incredible superpower like abilities...
Torch lit procession marks start of UKIP party conference
UKIP's party conference has got off to a spectacular start with an evening torch procession in honour of Nigel Farage through the streets of...
Gary Glitter to crowdfund trip to Thailand
Popular paedophile, Gary Glitter is alleged to be considering crowdfunding a trip to Thailand for when he gets out of prison.
A spokesperson said, "The...
Bloke in leather jacket thinks he looks cool
A leather jacket being worn by an overweight middle-aged northern bloke is utterly failing to make him look cool.
Steve Dickinson’s faux vintage black leather...
First shipment of British thoughts and prayers arrives in Barbuda
A cargo plane has touched down in Barbuda, carrying the first consignment of thoughts and prayers from the people of Britain.
The jet touched down...
Piled rubbish masks smell of Birmingham city
Birmingham city council, has for the past few weeks been in the grips of a public sector strike. Birmingham’s ‘bin men’ are demanding fairer/higher...
