Drunk man

Thomas the Trident Engine runaway incident: Fat controller was drunk

0
Rumours are circulating of a culture of abuse at the MOD, which spilled over in a final steaming argument between the fat controller and...
Begging

Beggars fined for begging to pay begging fines

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Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging. In another PR triumph for...
Magic Circle

Magic Circle Trigger Terror Alert

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Amid growing concern and fears for public safety, illusionist extremists The Magic Circle have been deemed a threat to security and democracy. The so-called magicians...

SAS chiefs approach Liberal Democrats for tips on staying out of sight.

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It has been revealed today that bosses of the Special Air Service, or SAS, the British special forces, attempted to contact the Liberal Democrat...

Chilcott’s Trojan War Report ready in the next few days

Sir John Chilcott has announced his long overdue enquiry into the Trojan War could be ready "within a matter of days". The report, long overdue...

Blair offers May role as Middle East Peace Envoy

5
Embattled Prime Minister Theresa May has been thrown an unexpected life line today. A surprise call from Tony Blair offering her the plum role...

Campaign to crowdfund a copy of Bravo Two Zero and box of tissues for...

0
A crowdfunding campaign set up to raise enough money for a copy of Bravo Two Zero and a man size box of tissues for...
Theresa May

Kaiser Chiefs hurriedly rerelease ‘I Predict a Riot’

3
As crowds of surprisingly calm protesters gather at Westminister to demand the resignation of the recently elected droid, Maybot 2.0, The Kaiser Chiefs are...

Facebook servers crash after everyone announces they’re drinking Prosecco

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Facebook couldn't be logged into earlier today after millions of people updated their statuses with things like; "The Prosecco is open! You know what that...
Corbyn

Corbyn to sell your cat to pay for a statue of Lenin, confirms BBC

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The BBC has confirmed that should Jeremy Corbyn win the General Election he intends to sell peoples cats to fund a statue of Lenin. The...
Pope

Racists oddly quiet about global paedophile gang operating in Rochdale

Racists around the UK have been oddly quiet about the international paedophile network that has been operating in Rochdale, and everywhere else that matter, for centuries. "We usually...

Scotland’s oldest man dies aged 35

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Tributes have been paid to Gregor McGregor, Scotland's oldest man who died today aged 35.  An angry man with an impenetrable accent told us, "It's...
Snake

Senior Tories want to change party logo from tree to ladder to attract more...

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The Conservatives may be about to dump their current tree logo and replace it with a ladder. In 2006, the Conservative and Unionist Party dumped...

Microsoft worker takes Apple to court

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Yesterday, a Microsoft employee allegedly got a dressing down from High Court judge, the Right Honorable Justice Antony Smyth-Tomkinson. The employee who we cannot...

Northern woman puts heating on

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A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October. Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...
Theresa May

Government vows to tackle crime now wealthy are affected

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The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it's affecting wealthy people in London.  A Spokesman for Theresa May said, "When the...

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