The government has voted to reject a bill that recognises that hunt saboteurs are humans who feel pain and emotion.

Following an incident over the weekend during which a horrible toff on a horse thrashed a twat in a balaclava with a riding crop the government decided to step in and clarify the situation.

“It’s perfectly fine to hunt foxes with dogs, shoot flightless birds for fun and and thrash plebs with a riding crop.”

“Hunt saboteurs are somewhere below vermin and servants on the food chain.” The right honourable Barney Barningham-Barningham-Smythe, MP for the rotten borough of Barningham told The Rochdale Herald.

“If they didn’t enjoy a good drubbing with a riding crop they wouldn’t be hunt saboteurs or servants would they. That’s the problem with the world today. Nobody has any common sense anymore.”

While most EU law relating to whether serfs and peasants are sentient will automatically be brought over into UK law, this will not be the case for hunt saboteurs.

“It’s perfectly fine to squash them with a horse, particularly if you own a chain five star hotels. Afternoon tea is rather nice at the Goring. They won’t let you in if you’re wearing a balaclava mind you. You used to have to wear a jacket, but I think they’ve relaxed that a bit now.”

Caroline Lucas said; “This truly is a backward step for the welfare of our hunt saboteurs. Currently only people earning over £50,000 a year or those who have killed a small animal for fun are granted ‘sentient status’ under this legislation.”

“Everybody else can just be whipped or squashed with impunity.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.