The BBC has banned presenters from using the term, “Happy Holidays” as it offends Christians.

Rochdale resident Stan Still told us, “This is PC rubbish gone mad. What’s wrong with saying, “Happy Holidays”? This is a secular country where nobody except the deeply weird or lonely goes to Church. I know everyone sticks C of E down as religion but come on, who really lives by the 10 commandments. Next they’ll be banning Sunday trading, Boxing Day Football and being able to get drunk at 11 am in a pub on Good Friday.”

Some Christians were ecstatic however, Orla Board said, “It’s about time we recognized the Christian roots of this celebration of Christ. Good on the BBC for daring to use the term Christmas.”

But one professor of Christmas studies, Avram Cohen told us, “Christmas isn’t a Christian tradition. It was pagan originally with trees being brought inside to fight off Noel Edmonds. Also, St Nicholas was actually a Turkish citizen despite nobody having heard of the Seljuk Turks, having a Greek name and living in the Roman Empire at a time before the whole concept of a nation state was invented. Him being Turkish suits my political prejudices and I care for brown people, probably more than you so he was Turkish.”

At this point our reporter lost the will to live and has been sectioned in a mental health facility outside Oldham.