The government is set to announce its new scheme to combat childhood obesity on Thursday, a scheme that is mostly a tax on high sugar products, despite accusations from dieticians that the idea is rather short-termist and reactionary.

Asked whether the scheme was just another tax on the poor, a spokesperson from the Ministry of Health said “Absolutely not! The fact that it will disproportionally effect the poor is just a bonus!”

The scheme which could have banned junk food advertising- but won’t- will prevent stores from offering discounts on sugary products. 

When we suggested that the scheme was focussing on sugary products rather than products like crisps or simply advocating a healthier balanced diet, or investing in proper school meals, the spokesperson said:

 “Listen, we listened to dieticians and didn’t really like all the big words and long term strategy stuff so we decided we’d do whatever a couple of celebrity chefs with multi million pound deals with food companies would do. And besides, Eric Pickles can still afford his kilo of sweeties a day so I don’t see a problem.”