Jeremy Hunt’s massive splash out on a shower for his office has been defended as an necessary occupational expense on the grounds that he has so much sh*t coming out of his mouth that it is necessary for him to thoroughly clean himself several times a day.
A source close to Mr Hunt, who naturally enough wishes to remain anonymous, told the Rochdale Herald, “Of course Jeremy needs a shower for his office. He’s in it right now as a matter of fact. Every time he opens his mouth, he spews out so much utter bullshit that it gets all over him and he has to get cleaned up.”
Mr Hunt’s itinerary apparently makes time for a shower after every speech or press conference he gives. He also has to wash frequently to avoid being a physical infection risk when visiting hospitals to laugh at the staff.
“It’s not just his body,” the source added. “It gets all over his clothes too, and they are unwearable. You know he never wears the same suit twice, and typically gets through half a dozen suits a day. Do you have any idea how much he spends on suits? Actually no, come to think of it, he doesn’t spend it, he claims it all on expenses so the public spend it for him.”
I had to ask what became of all the old suits, and was told that they all went straight in the incinerator. Not given to anyone who needs them? Not even auctioned for charity? My informant laughed.
“This is Jeremy Hunt we’re talking about, remember,” was all he said.
I must confess after my knee-jerk moment of rage, I felt no surprise on hearing this. I sense another expenses scandal looming on the horizon. There’s outrage in the air. You can smell it a mile away.