UKIP launch investigation into how 3 of its members managed to read a map
UKIP have launched an immediate inquiry into how 3 of its members managed to read a map and several signs to find a book shop in London.
UKIP spokesman Cliff Edge said, "At first we...
Swiss banks confirm Theresa May’s walking holiday was great for business
"Normally we only get foreign potentates, third world dictators, drug magnates and the odd closet Nazi holidaying here," said Herman Gnom, spokesman for Zurich's Lavamatbank explaining that footage of a genuine prime minister - even one with no majority, no mandate and about to be deposed by her own party has been a huge boost for Swiss banks' credibility.
May slams link to Wheat Supremacists claims as ‘ridiculous’
Theresa May has dismissed claims that she met and briefed Czech Wheat Supremacists during the Cold War years as a "ridiculous smear".
According to a report, the Conservative leader held three meetings with a "farmer"...
Stop calling florid cheeked alcoholic racists gammon, it’s racist, say pigs
Pig's have been telling us that calling alcoholic racists gammon is racist.
Pig, Stan Still said, "It's racist and it trivialises our sacrifice. Millions of my porcine pals have died to give you a tasty...
Fat Controller to be renamed Big Boned Team Leader in Thomas revamp’
Anti-bullying & equality campaigners have praised plans by children's show Thomas the Tank Engine to highlight modern issues in the latest series of the classic show.
Producers confirmed that the show's famous Railway Controller Sir...
Thousands come together for eye testing
Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits.
One attendee told us, "It's great to see so many people out...
Scottish islanders prepare to offer counselling to Londoners who lose wheelie bins in Storm...
As Storm Brian barrels towards the UK with increasing media fury Scottish islanders are preparing to offer counselling to Londoners, and other bewildered southerners, who lose wheelie bins up and down their streets as...
Labour Conference to go ahead as Dennis Skinner with baseball bat confirmed as security
The Labour Party have announced that their conference will go ahead despite G4S laughing in their faces when begged to supply security.
"We are sorry to be unable to continue our relationship with the ungrateful...
Belfast Orange walk to become 24k Gold walk
The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K gold walk.
Orange walks take place throughout the year but the...
Only Democrats were killed by Hurricane Florence, claims Trump
Donald Trump has claimed all 12 people currently known to have died in the Carolinas as a result of Storm Florence were Democrats.
"Proof that God hates the crooked Democrats!" tweeted Trump, melting the keypad...
Doncaster couple finally getting some use out of speed boat they won on Bullseye...
Doncaster residents Bill and Orla Board have been telling the Rochdale Herald how they have finally found a use for the speed boat they won on Bullseye 30 years ago.
Bill told us,...
Extreme weather leaves KFC with too much chicken
As 'The Beast From The East' takes a firm hold across the UK, KFC have announced that it is overrun with chicken as no punters can make it to their outlets due to awful...
Social Services called after parents name baby Nigel
United Kingdom - Reports are emerging that Social Services have stepped in and taken a child into care in Burnley after learning that the parents had secretly named him Nigel.
Both medical and social services...
Middle-class mums save planet by driving to Waitrose in massive Range Rovers to buy...
Middle class mums all over the Home Counties are being credited with a reversal to the effects of Global Warming after tens of thousands of them drove enormous Range Rovers to their...
Microsoft worker takes Apple to court
Yesterday, a Microsoft employee allegedly got a dressing down from High Court judge, the Right Honorable Justice Antony Smyth-Tomkinson. The employee who we cannot name for legal reasons was serving on the jury in...
We’re showing some restraint, how about the rest of you try it
Like most of the country, the Herald woke up this morning to the news of a catastrophic tower block fire in West London. This has been accompanied by multiple fatalities. It does not look...
