2017 set to be hottest year on record

0
Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department...

Blitz spirit redefined as refusing to get off bus because somebody has a milkshake

0
Nigel Farage has confirmed that when he or his party talk of 'the Blitz spirit' he is referring to the act of cowering on...
Theresa May

Government vows to tackle crime now wealthy are affected

0
The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it's affecting wealthy people in London.  A Spokesman for Theresa May said, "When the...

Tit in Parliament in tits in Parliament row

Andrea Leadsom has found herself an unlikely ally in the UK's war on women and motherhood, Sammy Wilson MP. Mr Wilson, the DUP MP for...

Dozens injured after Chris Grayling attempts to throw hat into ring for Conservative Leadership

Dozens injured after Chris Grayling attempts to throw hat into the ring for Conservative Leadership Several hundred innocent bystanders were left with horrendous injuries, many...
Houses of Parliament

Home Office apologises for deporting ‘the wrong sort of brown people’

0
In an official statement released within the last few minutes, the Home office has apologised 'unreservedly' for deporting 'the wrong sort of brown people'. The...

Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens

38
Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...
Homeless Man

Government toasts success as rate of reduction in homelessness doubles

0
Homeless reduction is the latest resounding success for Britain's most popular female Prime Minister ever. The May Government has shown that not only may it...
Farage in Russian hat

Nigel Farage denies any links to Russia

0
Nigel Farage MP (just kidding) has appeared on BBC Breakfast TV to deny any links to the Russian Government. In an interview Mr Farage MP...

Rochdale Herald sign former Welsh international goalkeeper Neville Southall from Twitter

0
The Rochdale Herald have signed goalkeeper Neville Southall from twitter for an undisclosed fee, that definitely didn’t involve skeletons. The veteran ex-Everton goalie, who is...
Stonehenge

Druids “fecking knackered” after moving Stonehenge an hour forward

0
With the season now officially spring, clocks up and down the nations have been moved forward one hour to adjust to British Summer Time;...
hiker

People who go for walks but don’t own a dog are a bit weird...

The Kennel club released a statement this afternoon saying that people who don't own a dog but go for a daily walk are a bit weird, probably up to something and should be approached with caution.

Expat Moans About EU Citizens in UK

0
A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at...
Conspiracy Theorists

Conspiracy theorists conflicted as scientists announce mask wearing protects from 5G

0
Conspiracy theorists have reported feeling conflicted after scientists revealed that wearing a mask protects wearers from 5G. Lab Tech, Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College told...
Rees Mogg

Rees-Mogg puts his clock back 200 years

0
Jacob Rees-Mogg has, today woken up in 1818 after instructing his Valet to put his clock back 200 years. His Butler, Riff Raff told us,...

Burnley residents “Delighted” by the introduction of BBC2 in the area

0
BBC2 finally came to Burnley yesterday. The TV channel, which first aired to the british public in 1967, finally made its first transmition to...

Follow us

61,169FansLike
29,631FollowersFollow
21,670FollowersFollow

Popular Posts