Theresa May

Government vows to tackle crime now wealthy are affected

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The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it's affecting wealthy people in London.  A Spokesman for Theresa May said, "When the...

Polite man starves to death whilst holding door open for ungrateful strangers

A polite man has starved to death in full view of the public while holding a door open for ungrateful strangers at the John...
Bar Fight

Survey finds UK’s pub chat and sense of humour at risk of extinction

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Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat. Dr...
Denis Skinner

Labour Conference to go ahead as Dennis Skinner with baseball bat confirmed as security

The Labour Party have announced that their conference will go ahead despite G4S laughing in their faces when begged to supply security. "We are sorry...
Wearing Poppy

Daily Express readers to mark start of Poppygeddon with mass execution of celebrities not...

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6 lucky Daily Express readers will mark the launch of the Royal British Legions poppy appeal by machine gunning celebrities caught not wearing poppies...

14000 airbus job losses and 3.8 million settled migrants was on the other bus...

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Brexiteers have been scrambling around attempting to tell everyone that 14,000 job losses at Airbus and 3.8 million settled migrants was on a completely...

Daily Mail fury as NO MIGRANTS are going to be killed as a result...

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The Mail and the Express allege that the silence of the clangs is meant to be a mark of respect timed to coincide with the twentieth anniversary of Princess Diana's death.
Football

Theresa May smashes transfer fee record by buying 10 Northern Irish defenders for £1.5BN

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Theresa May today totally smashed Paul Pogba's world transfer fee record into smithereens after purchasing 10 Northern Irish defenders for a yet to be...

Nuttall Lost Close Personal Friends When They Discovered He Was An Arsehole

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UKIP leader Paul Nuttall lost 'close personal friends' when they discovered he was a bigoted, racist arsehole. “People started to shun me and sometimes even...
Arguing Old Women

Scone versus scone pronunciation debate hits 14th consecutive hour

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It's National Cream Tea Day, which means across the nation the fine china is taken off the Welsh dresser and selections of finger sandwiches...

Queen’s Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu

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There are rumours today that the Queen's Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu. A furious Palace insider told us, "It's completely ridiculous. I've...

Anti-peerage remoaner experiences Damascene Conversion on House of Lords

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Longtime liberal anti-peerage system remoaner Steve Dickinson has experienced a miraculous Road to Damascus Moment.  For years local libtard Steve Dickinson has posted memes about...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove to celebrate New Year’s Eve with simple meal of live mice and...

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Michael Gove has confirmed that he will be spending New Year Eve at home for quiet night in with his eggs. The environment secretary has...
Man buying a wheel

I suppose we better start our Christmas shopping, say men

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Men all over the world are reluctantly conceding that now might be a good time to start their Christmas shopping. "If I start shopping at...
Die Hard 2

Gatwick drone operators arrested after shootout at abandoned church and ski-doo chase across frozen...

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A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to...
Audi A5

Audi driver denies allegations he used indicators

An Audi driver from Rochdale has denied allegations that he used his indicators whilst driving on the M62 last Tuesday morning. At least one woman...

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