Man in tree with chainsaw

Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’

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Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.  Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down...
McDonald's

Life expectancy soars in Wolverhampton after McDonalds strike for 2 days

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Experts say that life expectancy in Wolverhampton has soared after the McDonalds on Dudley Street was closed on Monday and Tuesday due to strike...

Kitchen fitter offered job as spy

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Roy Clark, a 56 year old kitchen fitter from Castleton was amazed to discover that his application for Agent of Her Majesty's Secret Service...

Ice Cream headache pandemic reaches CRISIS point, as heatwave TERROR continues

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With millions of Britons terrified by the recent apparition of a giant ball of fire in the sky, there was further harrowing news today,...

Clock in the car delighted to be right for next six months

The clock in the car is said to be absolutely over the moon that the clocks have gone forward or back again.

Returning jihadis to be given free roast dinner at BUCKINGHAM PALACE

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Britons who travelled to Syria to fight for the so-called Islamic State will be welcomed back into the country with a FREE roast dinner...

Britain prepares to spend weekend listening to pensioners contrived war stories

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British pensioners are gearing up for this weekend’s festival of remembrance by remembering their contrived war stories. Many, like 78 year old Justin Case, spent...
Princess Diana

Princess Diana’s ghost tells Express readers Brexit deal is a total car crash

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Princess Diana's ghost has told Daily Express readers that Theresa May's Brexit deal is a complete car crash. Speaking to the Express Diana's ghost said,...
Angry man

Racists are pussies

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We've all seen the stories. Hate crime has risen exponentially since some of the country voted to leave the EU. We decided to talk...
Theresa May

Government vows to tackle crime now wealthy are affected

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The Government has pledged to start tackling violent crime now that it's affecting wealthy people in London.  A Spokesman for Theresa May said, "When the...

Corbyn “gives” Labour MP’s free vote on Trident

Besieged Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn has generously given the MP's in the Labour Party the opportunity to vote with their conscience rather than...
William and Kate

Prince William criticises social media firms about fake news to cover up numerous affairs...

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Prince William has appeared at the BBC and spoken out against the inaction of social media firms. He said in a statement statement that...

Labour Party pledge to make it cheaper for young people to get stabbed on...

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The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan...
Big Ben

Sound of Jeremy Hunt flushing money down forty grand toilet replaces Big Ben chimes...

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NHS workers and the general public were reassured this morning to learn Jeremy Hunt flushing money down his new toilet will replace the sound...
NewsThump

Rochdale IT Worker Deletes Human Rights Act

Albert Fudge, a Rochdale based web designer employed by the Conservative Party- has accidentally deleted the European Human Rights Act. The tech boffin was asked...

Amber Rudd announces plan to ban envelopes

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Home Secretary Amber Rudd has announced that envelopes will be banned from the end of the month. The Home Office has also announced that all...

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