I wouldn’t rape a fat woman, I have standards – says Trump
Thousands of Republican voters suffered serious head injuries yesterday after face palming themselves really hard during a Trump Rally.
Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19
Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
Bob Marley suspended from Labour Party over claims iron lions are from Zion
Scandal has hit the beleaguered former political party, the Labour Party, this morning after a kangaroo court voted to suspend the dead Rastafarian singer...
Man left alone for the weekend yet to put his trousers on
A man who’s wife has gone away for the weekend is yet to put his trousers on The Rochdale Herald has learned.
Thomas Thomas of...
Nigel Farage leaves LBC for remake of Howards’ Way; Nigels’ Way
Nigel Farage has left LBC and got a job on a new remake of Howards' Way called, Nigels' Way.
Producer Bill Board told us, "Nigel...
Local hero returns from stay in hotel with both his iPhone charger and toothbrush
A local man is being hailed as some sort of hero after managing to return home from a stay in a hotel with both...
Will of the Scottish People Revealed to be Sturgeon’s Imaginary Friend
An SNP insider has revealed that Nicola Sturgeon's repeated use of the phrase 'Will of the Scottish People' is actually a reference to her...
New EU regulations will require all new houses to have Toulouse
Flush from the success of Brexit, the EU Commission has been swift to demonstrate what the future looks like without a good hard Brit. ...
Chilcot stuns world with news that Pope is catholic
Sir John Chilcot has stunned the world by stating again that the Pope is catholic and so it seems is Britain's greatest wartime leader...
‘It’s the Welsh we hate not the English’ claims SNP
The Scottish National Party has released an official statement denying that their desire for Scottish independence is motivated by a historic mistrust of the...
For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain
The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...
United Kingdom gobsmacked as child turns four
It was announced yesterday, with the publication of an official photograph, that a child is turning four today.
We spoke to anthropologist, Dr Kay Smallbones...
Scientists confirm tea tastes better when somebody else makes it
Researchers from Rochdale Community University have confirmed after years of extensive research that tea tastes loads better when somebody else has made it.
Maurice Tips,...
Santa Claus Denied Visa to Enter UK
The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide...
Retailers unconcerned by “Buy Nothing Day”
UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black...
Britain signs lucrative post Brexit tax avoidance deal with Lichtenstein
Dominic Raab has announced that Britain is set to sign a very lucrative tax avoidance deal with Lichtenstein.
A Government spokesman said, "This is a...
