Self-publicist Simon Danczuk MP fails to start Twitter war with Vince Cable
Disgraced labour MP, serial text pest and pornography enthusiast Simon Danczuk accused the former Business Secretary Sir Vince Cable of being "old hat" on...
Kate Middleton and Meghan Markle should settle rift with bikini jelly wrestling demand Daily...
Daily Express readers have today demanded that Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton settle their differences with a bout of bikini jelly wrestling.
Express reader, Ian...
Trump mobilizes Military to defend against Hurricane Irma with ‘fire and fury’
As hurricane Irma makes it's way west towards the coast of Florida, president Donald Trump has issued a declaration of war on the weather...
Vote leave caught cheating at tombola
The vote leave campaign have today received a stern glare and a verbal ticking off for cheating at the village fete tombola.
It turns out...
Amber Rudd becomes Secretary at Home
Amber Rudd today denied she had resigned as Home Secretary, and claimed she had simply renegotiated the job title and specification.
"I have agreed...
Tommy Robinson supporter disappointed by lack of Muslim no-go areas in London
A Tommy Robinson supporter from Rochdale has told of his disappointment at discovering London isn't a Muslim no-go area dominated by Sharia Law.
Cliff Edge...
Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens
Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...
Sajid Javid accidentally deports himself to Pakistan
Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan.
A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing...
‘No Bad News Day’ in West Midlands after all morons are snowed-in
The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible...
Eric Bristow MBE says beaten women aren’t ‘proper men’
The pie faced gravy rhyming bastard, who obtained Royal recognition for being good at throwing things made the comment after a series of ill...
Daily Express unveils new corporate logo
The Daily Express as revealed a new corporate logo today that it says is more in keeping with how it and its readers view...
Muslims should respect our laws, says racist in prison for breaking our laws
Today crowds of nearly a few dozen have gathered outside Downing Street armed with Placards stating "free are Tommy" and two Netto bags full...
Piss levels dangerously low after 2016 took it all – study finds
A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being...
Reality of snow destroys childhood memories of it being fun
Thousands of stay at home parents forced to play with their slack off kids all day have had to revise their 'happy childhood memories'...
Retailers unconcerned by “Buy Nothing Day”
UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black...
Young people urged to move to areas with cheaper housing and spend savings on...
The Government is to tell young people that they should move away from urban centers in order to pay less rent.
With rents increasing in...
