National News

The BBC is in a state of chaos and panic  this evening as they desperately scramble to find a replacement for Children in Need stalwart Pudsey Bear, who was sensationally arrested on fraud charges...

The Home Office has issued advice to the nation’s gardeners this year that they should be storing this year’s autumn leaves for use as currency after the apocalypse. “It's just a precautionary measure. There is...

The people who burnt a model of the Grenfell tower on bonfire should face a much higher standard of justice than the people who made the flats into a tinderbox in the first place...

Jaguar Land Rover has told employees that by making them redundant they are carrying out the will of the British people. Employee Bill Board told us, "It came as a shock at first and I...

UKIP party leader, former archbishop of Canterbury, Duke of Edinburgh in Waiting and Huddersfield Town striker, Paul Nuttall has been named as the captain of the UK's waterboarding team for the 2020...

Anglo US relations have reached their lowest ebb since 1812 when British Force burned down the White House after members of the Royal Family were pictured protesting Trump in London. The Queen was pictured holding...

The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that it is redefining the meaning of Blitz Spirit. The move comes a day after the British Government handed over responsibility for appointing its ambassadors to Donald Trump. A...

Conservatives clap to celebrate clear lead as misdirectional muppetry f/makes news yet again after the Telegraph published the definitely not at all orchestrated and not tailored to a chosen demographic ICM poll results. "It's a genius plan,...

Britain has said that it's perfectly equipped to make a success of Brexit even though shops that sell things for a pound are closing. Business analyst, Twyford Shrub said, "The fall in the pound and...

Britain's new aircraft carrier, HMS Queen Elizabeth, was commissioned today in Portsmouth. The new carrier is at the cutting edge of British warship design and incorporates many features designed to make bombing civilians considerably easier....

Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people. One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the royal wedding. This weather has come as a bit of...

Whitehall: There has been widespread relief around the UK after reports that the deepening staffing crisis in the NHS has been averted after tens of thousands of nurses were found stuffed down the back...

Experts in worldwide trends are predicting that 2017 will reach terminal levels of warmth by mid-June. Professor Thorfin Nerfstretcherrsson, Head of Rochdale Community University's department of Genocide, has this to say on the subject, "Well since...

Veteran comic Mel Brooks, 91, has confirmed that his ambitious live action show, The President, will end shortly with a musical impeachment. Speaking at a rare public appearance as a guest of Dave Chappelle...

Men's Health Magazine today announced its annual Top Ten Fittest Male Celebs list with actor, recently elected DUP MP and self proclaimed evil overlord Skeletor peaking the chart in the coveted #1 position.   Bodybuilder Skeletor grew...

Hundreds of thousands of rail passengers face actually going to work as the RMT told Southern Rail employees to actually do their jobs. Staff will walk-in for 48 hours at midnight. A further 24-hour working...