New Carling advert just footage of Wayne Rooney trying to remember driving home

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A new advertising campaign for Carling beer will allegedly feature Wayne Rooney trying to remember driving home. The campaign has come in for criticism from...
bus driver

Bus drivers distraught they can’t lose shit when given a fiver due to increased...

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Bus drivers distraught they can't lose their shit when given a fiver, due to increased ticket prices. Up and down the country local bus drivers...

Be nice to Meghan or we will end up with an old boot –...

The British Press had better be nice to Prince Harry's new girlfriend Meghan Markle or we could end up with "a bat-shit crazy old...

Reality of snow destroys childhood memories of it being fun

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Thousands of stay at home parents forced to play with their slack off kids all day have had to revise their 'happy childhood memories'...

Brexit Halloween Threat

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Preparations for the commercialisation of an ancient pagan tradition were thrown into disarray today when importers of Halloween costumes reported that due to poor...

Last week’s news roundup

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Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too...
Dog

There’s way more to choosing where to poo than you realise Dog tells owner

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"There's way more to choosing where to poo than you realise" Bobby, a 5 year old Chocolate Lab from York has told The Rochdale...
Philip

Prince Philip and Queen Elizabeth facing deportation post Brexit

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An Emergency meeting was called at Buckingham palace earlier this week after the penny dropped with Prince Philip in regards to Brexit and complications with European immigration "Oh...
Rees Mogg

Universal Credit cheaper way to kill the poor than building gas chambers, says Jacob...

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has astounded many people by stating that the Universal Credit fiasco is the cheapest way the Government has come up with to...
Meghan and Harry

Marrying melanin maddens media more than molesting minors

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As news broke that Harry and Meghan have decided to quit their jobs to spend less time with their family, the country braced itself...
fox cubs

Corbyn supports hunting with dogs repeal in Government manifesto

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Jeremy Corbyn has pledged to support the Conservative Party's promise to repeal the fox hunting ban. This appears to be the result of him mishearing...

Daily Mail issue apology for calling white mosque shooter a terrorist

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There was chaos in The Daily Mail Newsroom this morning as they scrambled to reset copy before going to press after the gunman who...

Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque

Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way...
Fried Chicken

Conservatives offer new members discount card at Kentucky Fried Pheasant

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Conservative Party Central Office have announced this week that new members will be recieve a variety of benefits including discounts at Michael Gove's new...
Tony Blair

We must reverse historic mistake, says irreversible historic mistake

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Everyone in the world looked at each other and asked "what the hell" yesterday after the temerity of a former political leader's comments on...
Nuttall

UKIP Conspiracy theorists claim Paul Nuttall is being erased from history

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UKIP leader, Paul Nuttall PhD, is concerned that he is being erased from history by a shadowy group of leftist and liberal media conspirators.  He recently had to...

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