Rupert Murdoch still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving Prime Minister

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With only two days of campaigning left before the general election, polling suggests that Rupert Murdoch is still on course to become Britain’s longest-serving...

Chinese cardboard rocket manufacturers report bumper earnings following Korean military parades

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Manufacturers of gigantic cardboard rockets and inflatable tanks have reported record profits for April following Kim Jong Un's massive display of military force. "It's been...

Piers Morgan to be face of ‘Free The Ballbag’ campaign

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Piers Morgan has been revealed as the new face of men's rights campaign 'Free the Ballbag'. Inspired by the feminist 'Free The Nipple' movement, the...

Is the EU to blame for Storm Ciara?

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As Storm Ciara batters it's way across the country we at The Rochdale Herald ask, is the EU to blame? Bill Board, Wetherspoons Raconteur. "Of course...
Snowman

OUTRAGE as gender neutral snowbeing desecrated with COCK AND BALLS!!!

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GMP Saddleworth were last night were conducting a full manhunt, as the spate of gender neutral snow beings being cruelly desecrated with a carrot...

Sturgeon Scotland Indyref Goes to Defcon Fandouble-Dozi

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Nicola Sturgeon has told Theresa May that she is not "bluffing" on the promise of a second independence and has gone to Defcon Fandabidoubledozi! In...

May must undergo final quest before triggering Article 50.

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The Prime Minister faces another Brexit challenge today as it is revealed Royal Assent was not the final requirement to begin negotiations with the...

Tories fined £20 million for pumping untreated sewage into people’s brains

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The Conservatives are facing a hefty fine after it has been discovered that their manifesto pledges and reassurances over Brexit were found to contain...
Kirkcaldy

Scotsman wakes to sobering horror that he lives in Kirkcaldy

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A Scotsman has been telling people of the dawning horror that he still lives in Kirkcaldy. A reporter for The Rochdale Herald Scotland edition said,...

“It’s Warmas” declares Britain

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Are you hanging loads of poppy's on the wall? Is your granny telling you stories about fighting in the Second World War despite only being...

Labour NEC can take your money and run – rules court of appeal

The NEC of the Labour Party has won on appeal its right to lie its arse off in order to get three quid out...

Tate & Lyle sponsor cabinet meetings

After what critics are calling a feeble effort to tackle childhood obesity the government is now in hot water again as it transpired that...
Wetherspoons

Wetherspoons to rebrand as “Special Circle of Hell”

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Pub chain Wetherspoons is to re-brand as the Special Circle of Hell following an endorsement by EU President Donald Tusk. A spokesman for the company...

Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

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Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale's now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws...

Little Chef Change All Breakfasts To ‘Pork-Free’ After Complaints by ‘Foreigners’.

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British roadside dining legends Little Chef have decided to make all their breakfasts, including their famous ‘All Day Breakfast’, entirely pork-free following a campaign...

Fireman Sam denies having ever met Norman Price

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Pontypandy fireman, Fireman Sam has again denied having ever met Norman Price on more than 3 occasions. The denial comes amidst growing calls for...

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