Arseholes unaware it’s not the Fifth of November
Arseholes up and down the country are unaware that it is not the fifth of November, it has been confirmed.
From London to Liverpool, the...
Fears Thames Beluga whale is a Russian spy
There are fears a Beluga Whale spotted swimming in the River Thames may be a Russian spy. The whale was spotted earlier this week...
Hurricane Ophelia upgraded to category 5 after northern man zips up coat
Storm Ophelia is battering the UK and Ireland with gusts up to 80mph. After a report of a northern man tutting at a flurry...
Jeremy Corbyn urges Labour MP’s to get behind Theresa May or risk making him...
Jeremy Corbyn has told Labour MP's that they had better get behind Theresa May and her, "And then there were none" vision of Brexit...
North East has nowt to do with us, claims Government
Following a cabinet meeting on Tuesday the government has denied responsibility for the north east stating "we didn't want it in the first place....
Britain WARNED to expect seasonally COLD WEATHER in winter AGAIN
The UK has been warned that parts of the country could get a bit colder now that it is December for the billionth year...
Microsoft worker takes Apple to court
Yesterday, a Microsoft employee allegedly got a dressing down from High Court judge, the Right Honorable Justice Antony Smyth-Tomkinson. The employee who we cannot...
Blair offers May role as Middle East Peace Envoy
Embattled Prime Minister Theresa May has been thrown an unexpected life line today. A surprise call from Tony Blair offering her the plum role...
Brits shocked that Brexit is getting the blame for everything
The whole of the United Kingdom are reeling from the revelation that the EU referendum has been responsible for every bad thing that has...
To be fair I was pissed, says Nigel 2.0 candidate
Steven Woolfe, the chief xenophobe-in-waiting of totally unracist UKIP party has been caught out forgetting things.
Again.
After forgetting to apply for the candidacy he's standing...
Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children’s toys denies mid-life crisis
A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis.
A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his...
Woman who sweeps elephants in room under the rug wonders why her relationships don’t...
A Rochdale woman who has a “sweep it under the rug” approach to the elephant in the room is puzzled as to why her...
Santa Claus Denied Visa to Enter UK
The Herald has discovered that father Christmas has been denied a visa to enter the UK on Christmas Eve, amid fears he may decide...
Paul Golding Christmas Carol
Jingle Bells
My cell smells
It's gloomy and its rank
I only pissed some Muslims off
Now I'm sitting in the tank. Hey
Jingle Bells
This is hell
I don't think...
Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto
The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto.
Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob...
Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public
HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.
Palace officials were quick to point...
