Piss levels dangerously low after 2016 took it all – study finds
A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being...
Tories announce mass culling of Wombles
Animal rights protesters were today up in arms after the news that the culling of Wombles is to go ahead as recent indications suggest...
We want to control our own borders! As long as our borders stay in...
Today small minded people up and down the land were in uproar as rumours that the cheese eating surrender monkeys want the English border...
Virgin customers asked to dig deep for pensioner’s destroyed home
Devastated pensioner Richard Branson, whose home was destroyed by Hurricane Irma, has been overwhelmed by Virgin product customers who have agreed to continue to...
I wouldn’t rape a fat woman, I have standards – says Trump
Thousands of Republican voters suffered serious head injuries yesterday after face palming themselves really hard during a Trump Rally.
In absence of dragons, brave knight slays thousands of poor, disabled and homeless
Albion; pleasant, fair and green
In the year of our Lord, 2020
Dragons were few and seldom seen,
Yet poor folk were a plenty
Though dragons were vanquished...
Gatwick drone operators arrested after shootout at abandoned church and ski-doo chase across frozen...
A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to...
Calling people a Black Bastard is a term of endearment, says Ryanair racist
A man who was filmed saying racist things to a black grandma on a Ryanair flight this week has said that calling her a...
Sheffield Council misunderstand the word ‘Socialist’
Sheffield council yesterday accepted they had fundamentally misunderstood the concept of 'socialism'.
Following a vehement rejection by local residents of their plan to cut down...
New £50 note to be made of foie gras
In a surprise move, it was revealed today that the new £50 note is to be made of foie gras. The announcement comes as...
Wales Seeks Independence as Gareth Bale Doubles Welsh GDP
Carwyn Jones has changed his mind on Welsh Independence after Gareth Bale’s new contract doubled the GDP of Wales.
Busy Mum of four in TWO-wash SHOCK
Working Mum-of-two Linda Green, 43, sorted, washed, dried and folded TWO full loads of laundry yesterday thanks to the heatwave that has swept through...
Prince Philip in grim reaper racist remark gaffe
Hospital staff were apparently left flabbergasted at the Duke of Edinburgh's casually racist remarks during a recent impromptu visit by Death, the harvester of...
Belfast Orange walk to become 24k Gold walk
The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K...
Daily Mail readers hospitalised after inhaling EU migrant gas at Birling Gap
Over one hundred patriotic Daily Mail readers were hospitalised yesterday after inhaling toxic EU migrant gas while innocently sea siding at Birling Gap.
The weather...
Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt
Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet...
