Sadiq Khan

Sadiq Khan cracks down on junk food ads as thinner children harder to stab

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Mayor plans to ban junk food adverts from Transport for London. Mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, today announced a plan to ban junk food adverts...

Dirty Politics

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Britain's next Prime Minister is guaranteed to be female but what most people don't know yet is that only one of the contenders will...
Farage

Please stop comparing me to Hitler pleads bloke who just gave speech to German...

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A bloke who gave a rabble rousing speech to a bunch of Nazis in Germany has put out a plea on social media asking...
Moving House

Unwanted crap in loft briefly sees light of day during house move

A VHS video recorder that has been languishing in the loft of a house in Middleton briefly saw the light of day this afternoon. The...
Cocker Spaniel

Cocker Spaniel has reasonable and sensible response to doorbell

Reports are coming in that a cocker spaniel has had a perfectly reasonable and sensible reaction to somebody ringing the doorbell. The incident occurred when...
Water Company

Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain

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The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office. A hosepipe ban has been enacted...

Baxter, president of Dogs, issues chilling warning to Felix, Beloved Leader of the Cats.

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President Baxter of the Dogs has today issued an ultimatum and warning to his Cat counterpart, Beloved Leader Felix, over the rising tension in...

Lockheed Martin Trident Vote after party “off the hook”

Details are sketchy at present but apparently the Lockheed Martin Trident Vote after party was absolutely "off the hook". We can only imagine what kind...

53 year old man killed in gigantic pants fire

A 53 year-old man killed in a gigantic pants fire at his home in Upper Wally in Oxfordshire has been described by former colleagues...

Satirists run out of ink

Thousands of satirists across the UK and their tens of readers around the world face a crisis as the supplies of ink slowed to...

May to offer Britain complete break from Boris Johnson

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In a last ditch attempt to win the X Factor vote tonight,the PM today took the unusual but popular step to separate Boris Johnson...
Homeless

Every doorway to get free homeless person, pledge Conservatives

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The Tory Party has pledged that every doorway in Britain will get a free homeless person by 2021. A spokesman told us, "The Tory Party...

Band Aid 2016 to raise Buckingham Palace repair costs

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A new version of 'Do they Know is Christmas?' has been released in time for the Christmas number one top spot. The track by Bob...

Stonewall acknowledge calls for heterosexual pride day with “Float of Closets”

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Breakthrough for influential alt-gay movement as the legendary Ruth Hunt, CEO of Stonewall, personally announced the plan to address the concerns that alt-gays were...

Corbyn press relationship hits the buffers following Traingate 

Jeremy Corbyn had an uncomfortable day today as he was asked a series of questions by journalists after being caught bullshitting about the state...

Suicide prevented with picture of ‘Inspirational Quote’

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Clinically depressed Phil Jones, 38, was found standing on the edge of Clifton Suspension Bridge after his wife had left him last Tuesday. Mr. Jones...

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