Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed.
"Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...
Tiny Tim declared fit to work by ATOS
Dickensian child, "Tiny" Tim Cratchitt has been declared fit to work by ATOS this week despite being both famously crippled and fictional.
His father, Robert...
New £50 note to be made of foie gras
In a surprise move, it was revealed today that the new £50 note is to be made of foie gras. The announcement comes as...
March Against Hate Wins World Irony Cup
The World Irony Championship has been cancelled for 2017 after anti-Muslims calling themselves UK Against Hate held a march against extremism.
“We normally wait until...
‘No Bad News Day’ in West Midlands after all morons are snowed-in
The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible...
Daily Express readers warned to brace for worst winter in 5 billion years
The Daily Express has reported that Britain is to experience the worst winter for the last 5bn years.
John Muir, of Inexact weather forecasting said,...
Daily Mail editor accused of Crocodile Tears following Polish migrant murder
The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man...
Environment saved and global warming halted as Rochdale man takes own carrier bag to...
Environmentalists have conceded that the environment has been saved and the ice caps are no longer melting after a Rochdale man remembered to take...
Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens
Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...
Fire at Belfast Primark destroys £5.50 worth of stock
A fire that has gutted a branch of Primark in Belfast has destroyed £5.50 worth of stock.
Primark manager, Shaughn O'Shaughnasseigh told us, "This fire...
Man has bought a really big telly and wants to tell you about it
A man has bought a rather large and very expensive television today.
It apparently takes up quite a significant part of his living room and...
Prince William criticises social media firms about fake news to cover up numerous affairs...
Prince William has appeared at the BBC and spoken out against the inaction of social media firms. He said in a statement statement that...
The Shard ‘nearly finished’
The Shard in London is nearing completion, according to developers.
Once finished, it will stand at 310m and will be the tallest building in the...
Woman who tried hummus recently is now into yoga, and expanding her consciousness.
A woman who tried hummus for the first time at a party recently is now into yoga, composting and expanding her consciousness.
Poppy Cox had...
Tories fined £20 million for pumping untreated sewage into people’s brains
The Conservatives are facing a hefty fine after it has been discovered that their manifesto pledges and reassurances over Brexit were found to contain...
Dad thinking about thinking about starting his Christmas shopping
A Rochdale Dad has broken protocol by announcing that he has begun thinking about thinking about starting his Christmas shopping with more than a...
