As Storm Brian barrels towards the UK with increasing media fury Scottish islanders are preparing to offer counselling to Londoners, and other bewildered southerners, who lose wheelie bins up and down their streets as a result of the winds.
The impact of the storm will vary depending on an individual’s location on the British isles, but it is certain to wreck havoc in the gardens south of the mainland and perhaps even up to the midlands.
The distress is most likely to be felt acutely across social media as stunned homeowners upload pictures from smart phones even as the wind continues to pummel the country.
“We’re getting ready to help with counselling and advice,” Helen Burgess, Skye, reassured, “I’ve been talking with colleagues who live on Orkney and Hebrides, we’ll be manning the hotlines as the first social media images of overturned pots in Surrey and the capital appear.”
Helen and her peers will be well placed to offer comfort as they endure winds throughout the year that would leave others hiding inside hoping they escape with their lives.
“I’m desperately worried about the new fairy lights I strung about my trellis in the summer,” Mr Bob Prickard, Hampstead, told us, “I might lose an hour untangling then. It’s nerve wracking.”
We did try to recontact Helen for advice on protecting fairy lights in 70M winds, but she was apparently securing her wheelie bins and shed with an anchor chain salvaged off a freighter that was wrecked when it blew off the sea and into her yard last year.