Last week’s news roundup
Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too...
Army of White Walkers causing delays M1 Southbound
Drivers and commuters are facing another difficult day of delays and difficult journeys across the UK after a second night of freezing temperatures.
The Met...
Paul Nuttall – Why I Won’t Talk About Fight Club
Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996.
“Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He...
Christmas moved to November 12th
Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December.
The...
Man who once burnt a Pot Noodle looking forward to another night of shouting...
A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at...
Ireland wakes up in South Atlantic after all-night craic.
The island of Ireland had braced itself for the oncoming of storm Ophelia in the best Irish tradition, with a night of craic and...
Man who murdered colleague who spoke to him before first cup of coffee cleared...
A man who beat a colleague to death with a computer keyboard in what has been described as a frenzied attack has been cleared...
Aggressive beggars to marry in Windsor Castle in May
People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy,...
Northern woman puts heating on
A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October.
Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...
Next Call of Duty to be set on Oxford Street during Black Friday sales
The team behind the bewilderingly popular series of computer games Call of Duty has revealed that the next instalment of the franchise will be...
Slums angered after being compared to Stevenage by Lewis Hamilton
Lewis Hamilton has upset slums all over the world by comparing them to Stevenage.
The five-time Formula 1 world champion made the faux pas while...
Writing satire ‘not even possible anymore’
Authors of satirical magazines and websites across the globe have confirmed that reality has now overtaken the worst piss-taking they could ever imagine.
"Donald Trump...
Theresa May: Donald Trump told me to grab EU by the pussy
Donald Trump told Theresa May that she should "grab the EU by the pussy" rather than ask for its consent, according to an interview...
Santa to be denied entry to U.K. under proposed points system
Santa is to be denied entry to the UK under the new points based immigration system.
A Home Office spokesman told us, "The system...
“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons.
Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.
With launch codes about...
Shoppers rejoice as bendy bananas sneak back into supermarkets after Commons vote
UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to...
