We’re showing some restraint, how about the rest of you try it
Like most of the country, the Herald woke up this morning to the news of a catastrophic tower block fire in West London. This...
Queen to redo speech after forgetting to say ‘strong and stable’
In an unprecedented move Theresa May is to inform Queen Elizabeth that she will need to redo today's Queen's Speech in Parliament because she...
Owen Smith Recognised in Tesco Express
In a massive boost for the right of The Labour Party, Owen Smith was spotted and recognised in a Tesco Express in Camden yesterday....
England celebrates patron saint of Syphilis
England is to spend the day celebrating the patron saint of Syphilis today.
Branches of Wetherspoons across the land will be full of obese, gammon...
New train timetables also a massive success, confirms Davis
The imposition of sweeping timetable changes on Britain's railways for the first time in 17 years has been an unmitgated success, it has been...
Prince William fingers Kate in back of hatchback in Rochdale
A sticker showing Prince William and The Duchess of Cambridge along with a depiction of two fingers raised in a V sign has caused...
We demand the tooth!
Tory MP David Davies has demanded that the most recent group of refugee children, newly arrived in Britain, be taken straight to the dentist.
After...
Office worker pops supressing huge fart during 5 hour meeting
Tragedy struck a small IT company in Dorking yesterday after one of its office workers brave efforts to tame a particularly brutal build-up of...
Wheelie Bin Cat purr-sues new career as guard dog trainer
Lola the ninja feline, from Coventry, was once again discovered in a rather strange location. This time it was in a Romford working men’s...
Commie Corbyn pledges to nationalise your teeth
Bearded Trotskyite do-gooder, Jeremy Corbyn has taken a break from sending care packages full of homemade jam to terrorists, to nationalise absolutely everything.
Clueless commie...
Internet expert reveals Roman Empire was predominantly black
You heard it here last. Internet expert in everything and porn enthusiast @JailbaitPlanet has scandalised so called “experts” and “professional historians” by revealing in a...
Key Brexit aim amended from ‘extra 350m a week to spend’ to ‘not many...
The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations.
"It's become clear that writing something on the side of a...
Prince Philip is ‘perfectly fine’ Palace assures public
HRH Prince Philip was straight back to work today insulting foreigners just three days after being released from hospital.
Palace officials were quick to point...
Arseholes unaware it’s not the Fifth of November
Arseholes up and down the country are unaware that it is not the fifth of November, it has been confirmed.
From London to Liverpool, the...
Last week’s news roundup
Head of Britain First, Paul Golding, was arrested and sentenced to prison for obsessively visiting places he supposedly hates. He reportedly hates prison too...
Torch lit procession marks start of UKIP party conference
UKIP's party conference has got off to a spectacular start with an evening torch procession in honour of Nigel Farage through the streets of...
