Scarborough Earthquake Appeal
At 01:00 on Tuesday 3rd January, Britain's worst quake for 25 years hit Scarborough, Yorkshire measuring 5.2 on the Richter scale and causing untold...
People who tell it like it is always bloody cretins, reveal experts
Ground-breaking cooperative research between experts in Linguistics, Social Sciences, and Psychology sheds light on evidence that those who "tell it like it is" are...
Belfast Orange walk to become 24k Gold walk
The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K...
CRISIS as supermarkets RUN OUT of fancy tonic forcing MIDDLE CLASS to drink OWN...
The sunny weather forecast for the bank holiday weekend has led to panic buying of certain summer essentials. There have been reports of chronic...
New royal baby to be called Mohammed and raised gender neutral
The Duchess of Sussex Megan Markle has today given birth to a healthy child after a quick labour.
Prince Harry is reported as delighted, as...
Blitz Spirit redefined to mean allowing a foreign Government to choose your ambassador
The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that it is redefining the meaning of Blitz Spirit. The move comes a day after the British Government...
British meteorologists blame wet August on an increase in cloud storage by Apple
The weather scientist went on to predict industrialised nations have a maximum of one year before the amount of material stored in the cloud reaches a critical mass of never ending rain.
Country that burns effigies of a Catholic annually upset by statue damage
A country that in the year of our Lord 2020 still thinks burning Catholics is a family friendly November evening out, is upset by...
I suppose we better start our Christmas shopping, say men
Men all over the world are reluctantly conceding that now might be a good time to start their Christmas shopping.
"If I start shopping at...
?Britain First & UKIP oddly quiet about white family abusing student visa rules
Quite why the public aren't offended by the white, middle class family trying to buck the immigration system is baffling academics as anti-immigration campaigners...
Princess Diana’s ghost tells Express readers Brexit deal is a total car crash
Princess Diana's ghost has told Daily Express readers that Theresa May's Brexit deal is a complete car crash.
Speaking to the Express Diana's ghost said,...
Morons wondering why blizzard wasn’t averted by thin layer of salt
Millions of morons across the UK were left perplexed when a thin layer of salt didn't prevent their cars getting stuck in 3 feet...
Writing satire ‘not even possible anymore’
Authors of satirical magazines and websites across the globe have confirmed that reality has now overtaken the worst piss-taking they could ever imagine.
"Donald Trump...
Britain signs lucrative post Brexit tax avoidance deal with Lichtenstein
Dominic Raab has announced that Britain is set to sign a very lucrative tax avoidance deal with Lichtenstein.
A Government spokesman said, "This is a...
We survived Bubonic plague so we’ll probably survive Brexit, Government assures Britain
The Government has released advice on what to do in the event of a 'no-deal' Brexit. The advice has the catchy strap line, "No-deal,...
John Lewis Christmas advert shows puppy being fed into blender
Retailer John Lewis has released its Christmas advert for 2017 which shows a cute puppy being fed into an industrial strength blender.
The eagerly anticipated...
