British vegetarians declare tuna a vegetable for the sake of everyone’s sanity on Spanish...

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The Royal Society of Being Scared of Food, which has represented vegetarians for over forty years, declared tuna a vegetable today for the purpose...

Woman who tried hummus recently is now into yoga, and expanding her consciousness.

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A woman who tried hummus for the first time at a party recently is now into yoga, composting and expanding her consciousness. Poppy Cox had...

Police force man to remove clothing on Rochdale beach

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Photographs have emerged of armed police confronting a diver on Rochdale's now notorious Stansfield Beach. In this most recent effort to enforce new laws...
Lemmings jumpring from cliff

Leamington to become post Brexit English capital

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The Warwickshire town of Leamington could become the new English capital following the United Kingdom's departure from the European union, sources close to prime...
Marine A

Marine A tired of catchphrase ‘shuffle off this mortal coil you c*nt’

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The soldier formerly know as "Marine A" has finally been released following his time served for slaughtering an injured enemy combatant and recording his...

Bloke donates money to charity without fingering a stranger

United Kingdom - A bloke from the United Kingdom has become the first man ever to make a donation to charity without sexually assaulting a stranger, according to reports.
Birmingham Park in Snow

‘No Bad News Day’ in West Midlands after all morons are snowed-in

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The West Midlands is experiencing record low levels of bad news and buffoonery as the majority of the population took advantage of a plausible...
Ryanair

Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir

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Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical...

Authorities launch investigation as Strangeways drops out of top 10 for acute violence

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Prison authorities in the North West have announced an urgent investigation into why no prisons in the North West made it into the top...

To be fair I was pissed, says Nigel 2.0 candidate

Steven Woolfe, the chief xenophobe-in-waiting of totally unracist UKIP party has been caught out forgetting things. Again. After forgetting to apply for the candidacy he's standing...

Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens

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Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...

Violent EDL member embarrassed to be snapped with right wing racist thug

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Andy Edge, a former Stockport English Defence League leader convicted of violent disorder at a 2014 protest, was pictured giving the thumbs up with UKIP's...
KFC

KFC announce they’ve run out of ice

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First they ran out of chicken; Then it was gravy. Now KFC have run out of ice cubes. Ruth Sanders of Rochdale KFC said, "We've...

Storm Eleanor wreaks havoc after gate left open on wind farm

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Met Office issues "risk to life" warnings with wind speeds over 80mph expected overnight. It has been revealed that Storm Eleanor, the latest storm to...
Royal Family

United Kingdom gobsmacked as child turns four

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It was announced yesterday, with the publication of an official photograph, that a child is turning four today. We spoke to anthropologist, Dr Kay Smallbones...
Ecstasy

SHOCK after ECSTASY tablet found to contain traces of MDMA

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Rochdale Police today issued a warning to recreational drug users that Ecstasy tablets are being sold in the local area that actually contain some...

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