Aggressive beggars to marry in Windsor Castle in May
People across the country have been delighted by the recent news that one of the UK's sponsored panhandlers has decided to let a wealthy,...
Whitehall in panic as Chilcot Report left on N47 Deptford Bus
With only a little more than a month to go before the controversial Chilcot report is due to be released Whitehall has been thrown...
Remote Scottish regions report shortages of wicker.
Reports are reaching us of shortages of some unexpected commodities in rural Scotland.
This follows human slug, Rod Liddle's advice in Der Spectator that people...
Prince Harry condemned for turning up to fancy dress party dressed as Paul Hollywood
The world had thought that William's half-brother and something-or-other in line to the throne's days of causing controversy were over. But today, a new...
EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain
The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early...
Fire safety experts admit fire escapes probably not best place for massive explosive gas...
Camden fire chiefs are today red faced at having to admit to missing bleedin' obvious fire hazards in poor peoples' containment blocks on all...
Nuttall lost close personal election in Stoke
Tragedy stricken leader of UKIP, Paul Nuttall (105), faced fresh disaster yesterday when he lost a close personal election in Stoke.
"Everything was looking good,...
Bottoms up for Nuttall
In an unprecedented move, UKIP leader and shampoo user of the year 2008, Paul Nuttall, has finally come clean about his much debated past.
"Now...
Tories to pledge crackdown on food bankers’ bonuses
A leaked copy of the Conservative Party's election manifesto has revealed plans to crackdown on 'luxury' items being handed out to those forced to...
Larry the Downing Street Cat responds to allegations of sexual misconduct: These stories are...
Disgraced veteran mouser Larry the Downing Street Cat on Friday admitted to allegations of sexual misconduct that were levelled against him earlier in the...
Oxfam scandal proves we have moral high-ground say selfish, tight bastards
Dreadful arseholes everywhere have applauded Oxfam staff for providing them with their latest bout of self-justification.
Graham Ruddington, 47, who has both used and supplied...
Move to rename Oldham as Oldtofu welcomed by militant vegans
The town of Oldham, Greater Mancashire, has been praised by vegan activists, hipsters and liberal snowflakes alike for taking the progressive move of removing...
Wheelie Bin Cat purr-sues new career as guard dog trainer
Lola the ninja feline, from Coventry, was once again discovered in a rather strange location. This time it was in a Romford working men’s...
Sajid Javid accidentally deports himself to Pakistan
Sajid Javid has accidentally deported himself to Pakistan.
A Home Office spokesman said, "Mr Javid has said that a hard Brexit is a good thing...
McDonald’s launches monster fatburger
Lard-loving fast food fanatics McDonald's made the announcement immediately following the news that London's sewers have been blocked by vast deposits of insoluble grease.
The...
Theresa May announces Leyland Daf to build next generation Brexit-fighter in Preston
Theresa May has announced that the UK will be leaving the Eurofighter Programme immediately. BAE Systems will be closing its Eurofighter factory in the...
