Colin Firth

Leave.EU tells orphaned bear to “piss off back to Peru”

14
Coming over here, shitting in our woods... A small bear arrived in this country some years ago. The friendly bear, with his old hat, battered...
Confused Man

Men to celebrate International Men’s Day by having no idea that it’s International Men’s...

0
Men across the globe will celebrate International Men's Day today by being completely oblivious to the fact that it's International Men's Day. The annual event,...
Michael Gove

Michael Gove escaped ‘after gate left open’

Whitehall: A Conservative cabinet minister who went on the loose for about six hours after escaping from his enclosure has been safely recaptured. The animal,...

Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters

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Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
Michael Gove

Gove cast as Tick-Tock in Rupert Murdoch’s adaption of ‘Peter Pan’

1
An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove...

Deer left shaken by run in with Prince 

0
A Balmoral based deer has spoken out after being run down by the heir to the British throne. Dougal Hornhead spoke to the Herald after...

Chewing gum booms as government invests £100 billion in wrong ‘Trident.’

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An administrative error has seen government funding to renew British nuclear armaments sent to the wrong ‘Trident.’ Earlier today £100 billion was electronically transferred to...
Teabag

Teabag enters second month on little plate by kettle

A teabag is currently entering its second month of lying in state on a little plate by the kettle in the kitchen. Barbara Dickinson of...
Smiling woman

Woman who said she’s fine really is fine

In a world first a woman from Rochdale who told her husband that she was “fine” has turned out to really be “fine”. Genuinely...

Labour reports sophisticated cyberattack after Jeremy Corbyn’s MySpace account is hacked

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The Labour Party has announced that it has been the subject of a cyberattack today. A spokesman told us, "We first became aware of the...
Gin Drinking Middle Class

CRISIS as supermarkets RUN OUT of fancy tonic forcing MIDDLE CLASS to drink OWN...

0
The sunny weather forecast for the bank holiday weekend has led to panic buying of certain summer essentials. There have been reports of chronic...

Scotland’s oldest man dies aged 35

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Tributes have been paid to Gregor McGregor, Scotland's oldest man who died today aged 35.  An angry man with an impenetrable accent told us, "It's...
Labour logo with Ukip logo within it

UKIP and Corbynista trolls to colour code social media posts to avoid confusion.

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  UKIP and the Corbynista wing of the Labour Party have reached a landmark agreement to prevent social media posts by their respective trolls and sock puppets...

Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean

1
The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma. What has...
Corbyn

Revealed: your top 5 favourite ways to explain Corbyn losing a general election to...

0
Jeremy Corbyn is the people's champion and the most popular politician in England, so, just how do the people of Rochdale think he lost...
Bank of England

Remain Voter Desperately Waiting for Pound to Die

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Due to an almost pathological desire to be proven correct, a Remain voter is obsessively checking the sterling exchange rate for signs of terminal illness. "A bad...

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