Warning issued after teetotal vegan non-smoker bores himself to death
Fresh concerns have been raised over the safety of healthy lifestyles after a study found that people following them invariably die eventually anyway.
A team...
Vexatious Claims: A Rochdale Herald Guide
The government says it wants to dodge certain bits of the European Convention On Human Rights because of an "Industry of false and vexatious...
Tears of remainers used to put out Saddleworth Moor fire
Lancashire Fire Brigade have announced they're considering using the tears of remainers to put out the flames on the top of Saddleworth Moor.
Fire Officer...
Dominic Cummings appears on TV to tell plebs to f*** off in person
Dominic Cummings has appeared on the BBC to tell everyone to f*** off and leave him alone.
Speaking to Secretary of the Boris Booster Club,...
Theresa May demands everyone gets behind flat Earth theory
Theresa May is to urge Tory delegates to get behind her theory that the Earth is actually flat.
Mrs May is telling everyone they need...
Rochdale’s secret Nuclear Past REVEALED
Shock revelations have shaken Rochdale to its very core as documents from the cold war have been declassified, revealing that the 7 sisters were...
“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons.
Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.
With launch codes about...
Asking not to be felt up at work is hardly a takeover, sigh women
As several leading Princes amongst Men like Charles Moore of the Telegraph and pre-Prince frogs like Quentin Letts recommend women lighten up, share power...
85% Of Waitrose Customers Horrified To Learn It Is A Workers’ Collective
Festive upper middle class shoppers in Waitrose were astonished and horrified to learn that the store is run as a workers' collective.
Eric Pode (40),...
Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam
The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from...
Tories Include Return of Death Penalty In Election Manifesto
The Conservative Party has surprised many by including a return of the death penalty in their election manifesto.
Explaining the eye catching manifesto promise, Jacob...
Christmas moved to November 12th
Theresa May's government yesterday announced plans to move Christmas forward this year to November the 12th, just in case we don't all reach December.
The...
Government announces Festival of Brexit will be held in derelict car manufacturing plants
The Government has announced a new exciting celebration of Brexit.
Speaking exclusively to The Rochdale Herald, Government insider Cliff Edge told us, "The festival will...
Cost of posting a letter first class rises to both legs below the knee
The rises in the cost of posting your mum's birthday card using The Royal Mail have now come into effect.
A first-class stamp will now...
Labour MP Needs To Bathe In Ocean
Wanky-named cod impersonator and Labour MP Thangar Debonairre (ironically in charge of modern culture!) was recently told to "Get in the sea," by a...
Interest Rates Dropped From Naff All to Sweet FA
Bank of England catastrophe juggler, Mark Carney, made no change to interest rates this lunchtime.
Rochdale savers wondering exactly what this means have had things...
