Blizzard

Rest of world ceases activity so BBC can cover snow

0
As Britain is experiencing the worst snow since last time,the rest of the world has decided to cease all activities and events to let...
Nuttall

UKIP Conspiracy theorists claim Paul Nuttall is being erased from history

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UKIP leader, Paul Nuttall PhD, is concerned that he is being erased from history by a shadowy group of leftist and liberal media conspirators.  He recently had to...

Man who forgot to take smartphone to loo with him makes full recovery

A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

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Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...

Blair offers May role as Middle East Peace Envoy

5
Embattled Prime Minister Theresa May has been thrown an unexpected life line today. A surprise call from Tony Blair offering her the plum role...

Britain prepares to spend weekend listening to pensioners contrived war stories

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British pensioners are gearing up for this weekend’s festival of remembrance by remembering their contrived war stories. Many, like 78 year old Justin Case, spent...

Colonel Mustard blames the Housing Minister in the Cabinet Office with the Funding Cuts

2
Colonel Mustard has alleged that the housing minister, in the cabinet office, with the funding cuts caused the Grenfell fire.   The Colonel, wearing a...

Northern woman puts heating on

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A woman from the North of England has shocked the country by putting the heating on in October. Denise Dufite, originally from the northern town...
Afro

Splendid Afros distance themselves from Diane Abbott

Splendid Afros around the world have taken to Twitter to condemn Diane Abbot for being a complete idiot. Diane Abbot was interviewed on the Andrew...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling announces he’s pregnant after taking Covid-19 antibody test

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Chris Grayling has revealed he's pregnant after he took the new Covid-19 antibody test.  A spokesman said, "It came as quite a surprise for Chris...

Rolf Harris to paint The Queen again for TV comeback special

8
Former popular television presenter to repaint Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth following release from prison. Rolf Harris, 87, is rumoured to be looking at the possibility...
Confused iPhone

Mensa exam to be replaced by attempting to sync iTunes

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International high IQ club Mensa has announced plans to scrap their famously difficult entrance exam, and replace it with a quest to negotiate Apple's...
Farage

Please stop comparing me to Hitler pleads bloke who just gave speech to German...

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A bloke who gave a rabble rousing speech to a bunch of Nazis in Germany has put out a plea on social media asking...

Outrage after child attends school Halloween party dressed as a MOSQUE

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A group of parents is said to have been left "absolutely fummin (sic)" after a child turned up to a local Halloween party dressed...
Mutineers

Daily Telegraph releases images of MPs it thinks should wear EU flag armbands

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The Daily Telegraph has today released photos of the M.P's it says should wear arm bands that signify their mutineer status. The paper says that...

Duke of Edinburgh embroiled in food poisoning compensation scam

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The Duke of Edinburgh is reported to have become embroiled in a food poisoning compensation scam scandal today just hours after being discharged from...

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