Theresa May is to urge Tory delegates to get behind her theory that the Earth is actually flat.

Mrs May is telling everyone they need to buy into her idea as there simply isn’t time to discuss any alternatives including the centuries old theory that the Earth isn’t flat.

One delegate told us, “We voted on this and the people said that the Earth should be flat. That’s our will so she should implement it. I’m not happy though because Mrs May’s theory allows for the sun to be at the center of the Solar System. This is clearly wrong as Boris Johnson points out.”

Mr Johnson wrote in the Daily Telegraph that whilst he is happy that the Earth is more spherical he doesn’t agree that the sun is the center of the solar system. In a theory pushed as Mars+ Mr Johnson said, “There is clear evidence that the Earth is the same shape as Mars but we shouldn’t be deluded into thinking that the sun is the center of the Solar System. It’s clearly the Earth.”

One of the sticking points for Mrs May’s assertion is all the evidence that contradicts her theory. Something she dismisses as a conspiracy by the EU to prop up French text book printers. To demonstrate that the Earth is flat and that gravity is a con Mrs May took a basketball, covered it in water and spun it around. The water then fell to the floor along with the Basketball. This, Mrs May said is why the EU is wrong and we are right.

 

SHARE
Fact checked by Snopes; Plagiarised by Andrew Neil; Nancy Sinatra's favourite Rochdale satirist; sued by Chris Froome and winner of the 1922 Nobel Prize for Chemistry.* *Not all of these necessarily true.