Excitement in the archaeological world this weekend turned to bitter disappointment after archaeologists discovered the ruins of a primitive civilisation on the Yorkshire cost after yesterday’s earthquake.

Whilst scanning for random bits of crap on the ground looking like a bit of a dick with headphones and a blind man’s cane thingy with a frisbee on the end, amateur detectorist Arnold Coyne found what appeared to be a few primitive pieces of broken jewellery in a smelly, boggy muddy area on the coast.

“I was in a field avoiding my wife when my beepy thingy started beeping.” Arnold told The Rochdale Herald. “It was this or cycling and I don’t look good in Lycra.”

“I just followed the beeps into what appeared to be the ruins of an abandoned city untouched by time. It was amazing, some of the buildings still had roofs on them.”

“Obviously my first thought was that the Earthquake over the weekend had unearthed the ruins of an ancient civilisation that had been lost to the sea. You know like Atlantis or Blackpool.”

After consulting with Lancashire based Archaeologist Professor Croucher of the Archaeological Society he was disappointed to learn that the ruined settlement was in fact, just Hull.

“It turns out the jewellery was a smashed ankle tag.”

Professor Croucher praised Mr Coyne for calling the find in “it’s an easy mistake to make and it certainly took my team a few hours to establish that it wasn’t a viking settlement.”

“It certainly smells like the Jorvik Viking Centre.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.