The good people of the Emerald Isle know how to take advantage of this windy bollocks

A petition to “tie Bono to a fecking kite” is now the most popular petition of Irish origins on change.org. The petition has now reached 2,375,000 signatures, roughly 50% of the population of Eire.

You can sign the petition right here:

Tie Bono to a fecking kite

We recognise some of our Rochdale readership will not know what a Bono is. Imagine if you will, a creature more full of gas than a tinker’s hound. Imagine that despite being pretty much the richest pop star around, instead of inviting everyone over for the sesh, you spend your time moaning like an arsehole at everyone.

Imagine all the people. Telling all those people to be spending their hard earned money on what you want them to, whilst in return, you violate their iPhones with your latest shitey sounds. Isn’t that the very definition of rich privileged arsehole, not understanding that folks might have download limits and restrictions on their data storage? The temerity of the man.

Well, as Hurricane Ophelia reaches Ireland, the streets have become less safe due to flying debris. In some cases, the folks have been forced to sit inside. So, you’ve prepared. You’ve got your bag of cans. You’ve stocked up on Taytos. A day or two of the sesh in the Storm cellar and this thing will be done, and then we can have a drop to celebrate. But in the meantime, you’re bored, logging on to check the weather, and then you’re clicking “feck yes, I would love to tie Bono to a fecking kite,” in record numbers.  And I loves you for it.

Taoiseach Varadkar has confirmed that any petition or referendum passing 2,470,000 (or 52%) will force Eire to follow recent European precedent and do anything, no matter how foolish, for that shall be the declared will of the people.

Satire Aid is back!Visit the Satire Aid website.

SHARE
Like many satirists, Johnny Wapping accepts he is an arsehole, and thinks society could be better if we were all willing to accept what arseholes we are. If you see him on Facebook, why not ask if he's read the article?