National News

The owner of a Rochdale takeaway shop that delivered a bag of brown heroin to an ailing customer, along with their dinner, has said reaction to it has been "absolutely crazy". The Happy Haddock Fish and Chip Shop...

Racists around the UK have been oddly quiet about the international paedophile network that has been operating in Rochdale, and everywhere else that matter, for centuries. "We usually get a flurry of 'why don't you tell us some...

The Queen acted out a stamp for the 60th year running during the traditional game of Charades at Sandringham yesterday. An insider told us, "She does it every year. And every year everyone is expected...

Jeremy Corbyn is the people's champion and the most popular politician in England, so, just how do the people of Rochdale think he lost an election? 5. The Stalin: our leader can do no wrong,...

The editor of poisonous bog roll manufacturer, The Daily Mail, was accused of shedding crocodile tears by The Rochdale Herald after a Polish man was beaten to death in a racist attack in Harlow...

Right wing folk hero Tommy Robinson has issued a statement distancing himself for The Labour Party. The statement was issued in response to speculation that Robinson might run for Parliament on a truth and justice...

The Scottish National Party has released an official statement denying that their desire for Scottish independence is motivated by a historic mistrust of the English, explaining that it’s actually the Welsh they want to...

A man whose cooking skills don't extend beyond pressing the 'start' button on his microwave is looking forward to another night of shouting at 'Masterchef: The Professionals'. Gary Taylor, 36, intends to spend most of...

As Storm Brian barrels towards the UK with increasing media fury Scottish islanders are preparing to offer counselling to Londoners, and other bewildered southerners, who lose wheelie bins up and down their streets as...

The island of Ireland had braced itself for the oncoming of storm Ophelia in the best Irish tradition, with a night of craic and a barrel of Guinness. On Monday it was reported that over...

In a stunning announcement today it was revealed, that Boris Johnson's hair impregnated Donald Trump's hair a few months ago. Boris Johnson revealed this morning that his hair mated, with the President of the United...

The Tory Party is today celebrating getting its election campaign back on track after it managed to go a full half an hour without anyone resigning over rape or racism allegations. Spokesman Caligula Rees-Mogg told...

The new Brexit Secretary, Jeremy Rees-Gove has told hard-line Brexiteers to downplay their expectations. "It's become clear that writing something on the side of a bus is no guarantee of achieving it, as we had...

Jeremy Corbyn has caused fresh controversy by appearing on BBC Breakfast wearing a Beret and eating Normandy Scallops. Mr Corbyn was appearing to deny yesterday's controversy when the incident happened prompting floods of complaints...

United Kingdom - A bloke from the United Kingdom has become the first man ever to make a donation to charity without sexually assaulting a stranger, according to reports.

There are fears a Beluga Whale spotted swimming in the River Thames may be a Russian spy. The whale was spotted earlier this week and it was thought it may be lost but there...