National News

The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan Still said, "Under the Tories young people have increasingly been...

A 4 year old black and white cat from Twickenham has told its owner Steve that "It's pretty fucking unlikely that I will be putting up with this shit much longer" after a 2nd...

First they ran out of chicken; Then it was gravy. Now KFC have run out of ice cubes. Ruth Sanders of Rochdale KFC said, "We've spent all day having to tell people that we've run...

The UK Government has announced that it has appointed a new 'Lockdown Czar' to lead plans to lift the lockdown. Bill Board from Rochdale was given the job after collecting 20 bags of crisps...

The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research and have concluded that the leading cause of hospital parking...

Thousands of Republican voters suffered serious head injuries yesterday after face palming themselves really hard during a Trump Rally.

The chaps at Go Ogle Apps were quick to capitalise on Parliament's decision not to outlaw taking an unwanted picture up a skirt. The, ironically titled, Private Member's Bill proposed making up-skirting a criminal offence....

The man who said that Homeopathy should have a place on the NHS as it compliments science based medicine as they both come from organic matter has attended his first Chemistry lesson this weekend. Jeremy attended...

Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging. In another PR triumph for the Conservatives, Poole council has confirmed from next month anyone...

Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman. With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast all over the country children have unanimously agreed that they'd...

The Queen is said to be shocked that her accountants have invested heavily in Los Pollos Hermanos. The food chain, seen in the TV show, Breaking Bad is a front for a money laundering...

Theresa May is to urge Tory delegates to get behind her theory that the Earth is actually flat. Mrs May is telling everyone they need to buy into her idea as there simply isn't time...

A woman who apparently believes she is the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom has been found wandering in Japan attempting to convince people she is really in charge. Japanese news media began reporting on...

A journalist at a Sheffield local newspaper has admitted that an entire article published in Friday's edition of the Sheffield Councilpleaser was constructed entirely from the frothings of the readership on the publication's forum...

The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections. A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other countries meddling in the UK elections. How can you trust...

The Russian government has denied any involvement in the poisoning of Aleksandr 'The Meerkat' Orlov, after the TV star was found unconscious outside his South London home. Police and paramedics were called to the address...