National News

The UK Government has announced that it has appointed a new 'Lockdown Czar' to lead plans to lift the lockdown. Bill Board from Rochdale was given the job after collecting 20 bags of crisps...

Thousands of Republican voters suffered serious head injuries yesterday after face palming themselves really hard during a Trump Rally.

There are fears a Beluga Whale spotted swimming in the River Thames may be a Russian spy. The whale was spotted earlier this week and it was thought it may be lost but there...

The Labour Party has announced a new policy that will allow young people to get stabbed on night buses much more cheaply. Labour spokesman, Stan Still said, "Under the Tories young people have increasingly been...

A 4 year old black and white cat from Twickenham has told its owner Steve that "It's pretty fucking unlikely that I will be putting up with this shit much longer" after a 2nd...

Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging. In another PR triumph for the Conservatives, Poole council has confirmed from next month anyone...

The Tory Party has today promised to abolish hospital parking charges by abolishing hospitals. Tory manifesto spokesman, Bill Board told us, "We've done our research and have concluded that the leading cause of hospital parking...

First they ran out of chicken; Then it was gravy. Now KFC have run out of ice cubes. Ruth Sanders of Rochdale KFC said, "We've spent all day having to tell people that we've run...

The man who said that Homeopathy should have a place on the NHS as it compliments science based medicine as they both come from organic matter has attended his first Chemistry lesson this weekend. Jeremy attended...

The Queen is said to be shocked that her accountants have invested heavily in Los Pollos Hermanos. The food chain, seen in the TV show, Breaking Bad is a front for a money laundering...

Children around the UK have confirmed that they don't want to build another bloody snowman. With rain, sleet, snow and more bloody awful weather forecast all over the country children have unanimously agreed that they'd...

Theresa May is to urge Tory delegates to get behind her theory that the Earth is actually flat. Mrs May is telling everyone they need to buy into her idea as there simply isn't time...

UK shoppers were in ecstasy as bendy bananas made a comeback into British supermarkets following Parliament’s decision to allow Prime Minister Theresa May to trigger article 50. Although bendy bananas are not strictly allowed...

The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections. A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other countries meddling in the UK elections. How can you trust...

The Russian government has denied any involvement in the poisoning of Aleksandr 'The Meerkat' Orlov, after the TV star was found unconscious outside his South London home. Police and paramedics were called to the address...

The Shard in London is nearing completion, according to developers. Once finished, it will stand at 310m and will be the tallest building in the United Kingdom and the 105th tallest in the world. Construction began...