Jeremy Corbyn is the people’s champion and the most popular politician in England, so, just how do the people of Rochdale think he lost an election?
5. The Stalin: our leader can do no wrong, we can all agree on that. These are attacks on him by other elements that need to be purged from the party. The Tories didn’t win, the Blairites who we stopped leading the party lost it. Not the leader.
4. The Len McCluskey: There’s a certain mood music being created by people who are trying to undermine Jeremy. And we know who those people are, don’t we? Blairites, like Margaret Hodge, with their friends in global finance and the media. I will threaten you with the prospect of me taking legal advice if you print this. No, I mean, I will sue you. No I haven’t got time to watch Denial even if it is on Netflix and, look, I will set Owen Jones on you, I don’t care if you’re a joke paper, this is libel even if it isn’t because no one could possibly believe this about a respected union official.
3. The Trump: the BBC is biased, look, they edited that picture of him in a hat, didn’t they? And here’s not one, but two of their journalists who didn’t recognise Paul “Tiny Pud” Golding and Jayda “Strongbow Dark Fruits” Fransen when they asked for a photo. In fact, never mind the BBC, the whole of the MSM is biased. Elections don’t revolve around policy, the media ensures that we are talking about manufactured scandals, and I tell you it’s fake news, fake news.
2. The Hilary: look, Jeremy won the general election on the popular vote, I think he did, he must have. It’s the electoral colleges, the way the voting boundaries are drawn, this first past the post thing, it’s biased. If we had proportional representation like the Lib Dems proposed and Labour opposed, he’d be PM. I think. I mean, I didn’t add up the votes, but that must be right.
1. The Johnny Wapping: He’s a bit shit.
Think we’ve missed any? Why not put your suggestions in the comments, a-bloody-gain.
