NEWSFLASH – Trump withdraws from Election

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On the eve of the US Presidential Election Donald Trump has dramatically pulled out of the running. Don Trump, 58 and owner of Streamline Taxis on the Oldham Road in Rochdale, has announced that he...
The Mooch

Scaramucci denies snorting cocaine in front of White House press corp

5
Anthony Scaramucci, The Mooch, President Trump’s new distraction in chief, has denied snorting cocaine with a rolled up fifty dollar note jammed into his nostril. Mr Scaramucci was addressing the assembled White House press corp...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

44
When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”
Surprised Santa

Santa to be denied entry to U.K. under proposed points system

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Santa is to be denied entry to the UK under the new points based immigration system. A Home Office spokesman told us, "The system rewards people with skills that are needed in...
trump salute

Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release

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A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for Christmas. The book, titled "My Struggle" will focus largely on his...

Queen to greet Donald Trump with narwhal tusk

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Buckingham Palace has refused to confirm rumors that the Queen will greet Donald Trump with a narwhal tusk during his visit to the UK this week. A Palace insider told us, "You'd think...
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

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The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President made a series of controversial comments about knife crime in...

A country full of religious crackpots shouldn’t have nuclear weapons, says country full of...

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A country full of religious crackpots and nuclear weapons has condemned another country full of religious crackpots for pressing on with their nuclear programme. Hassan Rouhani, the President of Iran, has spoken to The Rochdale...

US Military confirm nuclear weapons controlled by simple massive orange knob

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Washington - The American military revealed one of its most closely guarded secrets this week.
Happy Family

Couples who call each other Mummy and Daddy told to pack it the f*ck...

Couples who call each other Mummy and Daddy have been told by the authorities to pack it the fuck in or be faced with having their toenails removed with pliers and being...

US celebrates after number of days so far this year overtakes number of mass...

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Americans across America are celebrating the fact that for the first time since the invention of calendars there have been more days in the year than mass shootings in America. "It's super! I genuinely can't...
Trump Walking

Trump’s cognitive ability is normal, says White House vet

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WASHINGTON: The actual real-life US President Donald Trump has achieved a normal score on a cognitive exam and is in excellent fettle, although he could benefit from a course of worming tablets and being...

I don’t care what UK Ambassador thinks of me, says dickhead who won’t shut...

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A giant man dayglo baby who won't stop whining about somebody who said some mean things about him has declared on Twitter that he doesn't care what people think of him.

We always go on holiday to visit housing estates, say Russian poisoning suspects

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2 Russians who are suspected to have poisoned Sergei Skripal and Yulia Skripal have told Russia Today that they always go on holiday and visit random housing estates. Despite always having the excuse that he...
Donald Trump

Trump tells CNN all future press conferences will be held in Saudi Embassy

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POTATUS has announced that he will begin to give CNN press conferences in Saudi Embassies from now on. The announcement comes as his administration complained that reporters ask too many hard questions and rarely ask...

Barack Obama to narrate Audible version of Fire and Fury

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Barack Obama is to narrate the Audible version of US best-selling book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House. It's alleged that Mr Obama beat off stiff competition from Bill Clinton to land the...

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