Melania Trump was definitely not a prostitute says Melania Trump & Daily Mail

Slovenian "model" and "wife" of "human being" Donald Trump has lashed out at allegations in The Daily Mail that she was a sex worker who had sex with horrible old men for money. What a...
Michael Flatley

Michael Flatley confirmed as world’s second biggest wanker

Rhino horn collector and jig enthusiast Michael Flatley confirmed today that he is the World's second biggest wanker after announcing he will perform a jig at Trump's Inauguration Ball.
Hugh Hefner

Playboy Bunnies surprised to find Hugh Hefner stiffer than usual

Notorious Bachelor and soft core pornographer Hugh Hefner was pronounced dead this morning at his home, the Playboy Mansion, Los Angeles. Early reports indicate that the blonde bimbo aficionado had died of natural causes at...
Trump

You had some very fine people on both sides, Trump tells D-Day veterans

Donald Trump has told D-Day veterans that there were very fine people on both sides of the battles to control the Normandy Beaches during World War Two during a press conference in...

College Professor assaults Trump supporter

A college professor in the US has come under fire from leading figures in the Republican Party after he allegedly assaulted a number of completely innocent Trump supporters during a visit to...
Angela Merkel

Angela Merkel to meet Theresa May to tell her to piss off in person

Angela Merkel, the German Chancellor, is due to meet with Theresa May later today to spit in her face and tell her to piss off in person. Theresa May is said to be very excited...

Thousands of Americans in hospital after attempting microwave selfies…

Trump advisor Kellyanne Conway’s assertion that microwaves can ‘turn into cameras’ has led to thousands of Americans winding up in hospital after putting their heads into microwave ovens in an attempt to take selfies. Conway...

NEWSFLASH – Trump withdraws from Election

On the eve of the US Presidential Election Donald Trump has dramatically pulled out of the running. Don Trump, 58 and owner of Streamline Taxis on the Oldham Road in Rochdale, has announced that he...
The Mooch

Scaramucci denies snorting cocaine in front of White House press corp

Anthony Scaramucci, The Mooch, President Trump’s new distraction in chief, has denied snorting cocaine with a rolled up fifty dollar note jammed into his nostril. Mr Scaramucci was addressing the assembled White House press corp...
trump salute

Donald Trump autobiography ‘My Struggle’ set for December release

A spokesman for Donald Trump has announced that the eagerly anticipated Trump autobiography is set for release in early December just in time for Christmas. The book, titled "My Struggle" will focus largely on his...
Fat Man on Beach

I’m not an immigrant, I’m British says Britain First supporter who lives on the...

When asked what he would describe himself as, as an Englishman abroad, he will usually say something like: “Im an export int I”
Wayne La Pierre

Only a good guy with a knife can stop a bad guy with a...

The Head of the National Cutlery Association, Wayne La Cuillère, has lashed out at Donald Trump on Twitter this afternoon, after the US President made a series of controversial comments about knife crime in...

Short range nuclear missiles made available to American public in bid to reduce gun...

Following a series of atrocities in the United States over the weekend in which more than twenty five members of the public were shot and killed the government has announced dramatic reforms...

A country full of religious crackpots shouldn’t have nuclear weapons, says country full of...

A country full of religious crackpots and nuclear weapons has condemned another country full of religious crackpots for pressing on with their nuclear programme. Hassan Rouhani, the President of Iran, has spoken to The Rochdale...

US Military confirm nuclear weapons controlled by simple massive orange knob

Washington - The American military revealed one of its most closely guarded secrets this week.
Trump Walking

Trump’s cognitive ability is normal, says White House vet

WASHINGTON: The actual real-life US President Donald Trump has achieved a normal score on a cognitive exam and is in excellent fettle, although he could benefit from a course of worming tablets and being...

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