Melania Trump has gone on the record to tell the world that she married Donald Trump not for his money but his rugged good looks, winning personality and his open minded views on immigration.

“I marry Donald Trump because he has very good looks, a winning personality and has very open minded on immigrants. I do not care about his money. Or his private jet, or his yacht or his palaces.” Melania told a fictional reporter from The Rochdale Herald shortly before a judge dismissed her libel claim against The Daily Mail.

The Trump’s are attempting to sue The Daily Mail for asserting that she met Donald Trump whilst working as a call girl, an escort if you will, in other words a sex worker, a whore, a hooker, a professional, a demimonde or a prostitute.

“Donald would not have pay for sexy time with beautiful lady. He has best words, has sexy seventy year old body, beautiful hair and such lovely tan. How could Daily Mail think he would need pay for sex.

“Any lady want have sex with Donald, for free. Is obvious.”

The Daily Mail have retracted their article that suggested that Melania was ever paid to have sex with men who might or might not have been billionaires.

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.