Creator of Sitcom-Only Medical Procedure Heimlichs Out

0
US doctor Henry Heimlich, who invented the manoeuvre used to help victims of choking, has died aged 96. Dr Heimlich died at a hospital in...
sperm bank

Despite Brexit vote UK National Sperm Bank to close due to wanker shortage

12
Despite all evidence to the contrary the U.K. Is suffering from a profound wanker shortage after the National Sperm Bank recruited only seven wankers in two years.

Thousands come together for eye testing

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Thousands of people have come together in the name of ophthalmic health this weekend. Many even brought their own testing kits. One attendee told us,...

Surgeons delighted to confirm the operation to remove Piers Morgan’s head from Donald Trump’s...

0
Surgeon's at London's exclusive Portland hospital have declared the Piersectomy a complete success. In an operation that lasted 8 hours, the world's finest surgeons have...
Michael Gove

Women seeking cosmetic surgery to make their genitals look like Michael Gove

25
The Labia Party have announced new plans to make vaginal cosmetic surgery available on the NHS. The announcement follows news that millions of women...

Rochdale Infirmary to Trial Office Hours

1
Due to severe cut backs, Rochdale Infirmary is to trial working office hours only. This is a first in the UK since the inception...
NHS

Britain shows appreciation for NHS by funding it properly

0
Britain has decided to show its appreciation for the NHS by funding it properly.  The nation has made the decision that it doesn't matter...

“NHS crisis just preparation for the zombie apocalypse and everyone should be grateful” says...

0
The underfunding and imminent collapse of the NHS is due to a little known government policy on the zombie apocalypse sources have revealed. Zombiepreppers...

21,000 additional mental health workers unnecessary if Jeremy Hunt used his real name

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“Imagine if you could call that overbearing parent a proper Jeremy Hunt to their face? And you could do it all your life? Just get that stress out before it builds into an illness that blights your life.”

Working from home identified as leading cause of sight loss in men

21
A new study from the Rochdale Institute for Sight has found that working from home is the leading cause of sight loss for men. Although...
Mike Pence

Pray for your health suckers says Mike Pence

0
The Rev Mike Pence, deputy pastor at the Church of the Poison Mind, Washington, DC, has been quoted as saying "What the American people need...

Jeremy Hunt to introduce Pay Per View Patient Records

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NHS officials have confirmed reports that health minister Jeremy Hunt has been hacked. "Since his initial appointment as health minister in 2012 we have been working on...
Man in Waiting Room

A&E waiting times fault of immigrants says bloke with Buzz Lightyear toy stuck up...

0
A Lancashire man has spoken of his outrage at being forced to stand and wait for attention in Rochdale A&E for more than four...
Chris Witty

Chris Witty signs lucrative sponsorship deal with Andrex toilet paper

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Chris Witty has shocked fans around the world after signing a multi-million pound, multi-decade deal to become the new face of Andrex bog roll. The...
Doctor

Doctor of Medicine degree to be replaced with Google

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A brainchild policy of Health Secretary, Jeremy Hunt, has been leaked from the Conservative General Election Manifesto. The policy will outline plans to increase doctor numbers...

Scottish man DIES after drinking a glass of WATER

0
The first fatality caused by the price increase on alcohol in Scotland was announced this morning. Ian McCreedy aged 42 died at his local...

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