Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

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While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time...

NHS hospitals to sell postcards to capitalise on booming health tourism

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The Department of Health issued a press release this morning announcing that all NHS hospitals were to begin retailing postcards in order to capitalise...

UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan

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The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...

“Could Coronavirus be as deadly as Harold Shipman?” Your Coronavirus questions answered

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With Coronavirus fever hitting the nation Rochdale residents had many questions. Professor Frederick Seddon of Rochdale College answers some of them. Will Coronavirus be as...

World Health Organisation on standby as UK confirms youngest ever case of man-flu

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Officials at the World Health Organisation have raised the threat level of a global pandemic to full alert.

NHS Funding: Less is more insists Jeremy Hunt

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A government source told us yesterday that  robot eyed shitkicker Jeremy Hunt has decided to take a more philosophical approach to the NHS crisis. Dr...

Trump redefines Pre-existing Conditions as type of terror

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A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today. “Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin...

Daily Express reveal AIDS originally created by Corbyn as anti-Tory bio-weapon

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Ground-breaking new research by Daily Express reveals Labour leader, Jeremy Corbyn, created a modern day plague in league with the IRA As we all know,...
E-Cigarette

E-Cigarettes create ‘Super Organ’

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E-Cigarettes cause your internal organs to fuse together creating one large 'super organ' that later bursts, scientists have found. The two-year study, which followed heavy users of the...
Angry man, steam coming from ears

Stickupthearseitis

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A new disease, spread apparently by social media, is endangering the nation. Stickupthearseitis affects hundreds of people everyday and symptoms include getting salty over satire...

Jeremy Hunt to introduce Pay Per View Patient Records

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NHS officials have confirmed reports that health minister Jeremy Hunt has been hacked. "Since his initial appointment as health minister in 2012 we have been working on...

Hospital waiting times longest ever as people queue to abuse Boris Johnson

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"Waiting times for the NHS in England are the longest ever and it's because people are waiting so they can abuse Boris Johnson." Rochdale resident...
Green

Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

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Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop...

Littlest Hobo declared fit for work by ATOS

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Everyone remembers getting a little teary to the Littlest Hobo, don’t they? Each episode he’d make some friends and then leave, just as they were...

Dentist warns that Halloween treats ages teeth of refugees

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The spokesman for the Royal College of Dental Surgeons has issued a warning not to feed sweets to starving children.
Doctor Who

New Doctor Who to charge for consultations according to Jeremy Hunt

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As science fiction fans eagerly await the announcement from the BBC about the identity of the umpteenth actor to play the timelord, The Rochdale...

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