Scottish man DIES after drinking a glass of WATER
The first fatality caused by the price increase on alcohol in Scotland was announced this morning.
Ian McCreedy aged 42 died at his local...
Emergency services overwhelmed after public blinded by David Dimbleby’s tie
Emergency Services are at the point of absolute collapse this evening after millions tuned in to the BBC to watch the exit polls this evening...
Stoner Relieved Global Conspiracy to Crush the Poor Not Just Weed-Induced Paranoia
Danny Moss, 41, of Milnrow happily cancelled his upcoming trip to the psychiatrist after finally concluding that there really is a shadowy cabal trying to take...
NHS declares tap water is much more cost effective than homeopathy
The NHS has declared that it's probably a better use of money to invest in tap water than provide homeopathy provision.
NHS spokesperson Dr Gary...
Hunt solves NHS waiting list crisis with introduction of geological clock
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has solved the problem of NHS waiting times by making hospitals use the geological clock.
After coming under increasing pressure from...
You can’t lock up surgeons for behaving like sociopaths, we’d have none left rules...
The NHS breathed a deep sigh of relief today after Judge Ian Pringle QC ruled that you can't send surgeons to prison just for behaving like coked up sociopaths.
Goveid-19 now ‘out of control’ in UK.
A new, highly infectious virus - Goveid-19 - has reached pandemic proportions throughout the UK, an investigation by The Rochdale Herald has revealed.
Goveid-19 was...
Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed.
"Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...
NHS to be shut down so sick people can get used to feeling poorly
In a shock move Sunday UK chancellor Philip Hammond, announced that his first budget on Wednesday will outline plans for a complete end to...
Lovely Grandma catches racism after wiping bottom on Daily Mail
A lovely old grandma who contracted racism during a trip to Burnley last week is in a "serious condition" after being admitted to an...
“NHS crisis just preparation for the zombie apocalypse and everyone should be grateful” says...
The underfunding and imminent collapse of the NHS is due to a little known government policy on the zombie apocalypse sources have revealed.
Zombiepreppers...
World hunger solved after Jeremy Corbyn urinates on field
World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale.
One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one...
NHS Funding: Less is more insists Jeremy Hunt
A government source told us yesterday that robot eyed shitkicker Jeremy Hunt has decided to take a more philosophical approach to the NHS crisis.
Dr...
Government isn’t spending enough on health, says chain-smoking binge-drinker who doesn’t go to gym
An overweight chain-smoking binge-drinker who never does any exercise has confirmed that this government isn't spending enough money on ensuring that his health care...
London Motorists furious that cyclists lives might be saved
London drivers are currently outraged at London mayor Sadiq Khan's plans to reduce cyclists deaths.
"Over half of cyclist deaths in the capital involve construction...
The man from Del Monte in critical condition with scurvy
80's TV ad star and renowned juice producer, Derek Monte, was rushed to hospital yesterday and immediately diagnosed with scurvy, a debilitating illness caused...
