Over a million NHS staff including front line nurses and paramedics are expected to receive 6% pay increases, the Rochdale Herald has been told.

The deal is expected to be agreed upon by unions and evil Tory bastards later today and could cost up to £4Bn.

According to the dastardly Tories if approved, workers in England could have more money almost immediately

“This is just a ruse by our evil conservative overlords to starve nurses to death.” Olivia Flowerpower, a homeopathist and Wiccan Momentum activist from Burnley told The Rochdale Herald. “I just don’t know how yet but it’s definitely a conspiracy.”

“If anything Jeremy Corbyn, praise be, is the man who really gave them this pay rise. Out of his own pocket with his own money. But the biased BBC won’t give you the truth will they. Evil conservative stooges.”

“Next they’ll be telling you he owns a hat. It’s all lies.”

Sources within the government have revealed that they are also being accused of cultural appropriation.

“The lowest paid are going to get the biggest pay rises. Apparently that’s communism and John McDonnell has trademarked that. We may need to rethink the policy.”

The feedback amongst people who want to see NHS staff get pay rises isn’t all positive though, with some pointing out that it isn’t really a pay rise.

“It’s not really a pay rise is it?” Brian Fucklewit from Milnrow told The Rochdale Herald. “If you look at inflation over the last few years it isn’t more money.”

“It is more money but it isn’t more money at the same time. Down with Jeremy Hunt. The bastard.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.