World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale.
One aide told us, “Jeremy was returning from one of his meet and greets with local activists. He’d had quite a lot of tea and as we were passing a field he decided he needed to pee. That’s when he got out of the car and hosed the field down.”
Field owner Stan Still said, “It was a miracle. Where once there had been a muddy desolate field now, there’s a bountiful cornucopia of vegetables and fruits. As fast as we can pick the stuff more grows. All because of Jeremy.”
The field is expected to lead to a boom in tourism to the area. Visit Rochdale official, Orla Board said, “We’ve had inquiries from all over the world about visiting the field. We’re set to record higher visitor numbers than Lourdes in 2019. In fact, we’re so confident we’ve bought a new chemical toilet to cope with the influx of visitors.”
We tried to contact Mr Corbyn but he was unavailable for comment. He was busy catching up with Parliamentary buisness involving sitting in his office eating Wispa’s and watching the world go by out of the window.
Apparently Mr Corbyn has been inundated with requests for vials of urine from Momentum members. Many believe that wearing the vials round their neck will confer on them mystical powers that will make their life as fertile as the Rochdale field.
One member has even recorded a song about the practice. “Got my urine working,” is expected to reach number one next week.