Angry man, steam coming from ears

Newspaper sellers to take precautions.

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Newsagents and shops where papers are sold all over the UK are being urged by the Health and Safety Executive to take extra precautions...
Pot calling kettle black

Daily Mail accuses BBC of not being impartial on Brexit

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The Daily Mail has accused the BBC of ignoring all the positive benefits Brexit has brought. In an editorial, the paper says that the BBC...
Football Riot

Belgian football riot shows EU is hungry for UK exports says Liam Fox

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A football riot at a Belgian football match between Anderlecht and Club Brugge demonstrates the hunger for British exports according to Liam Fox. In a...
Game of Thrones

Game of Thrones is more Narnia With Knockers than Tolkien With Tits says Andrew...

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Comedy cultural commentator and serial gag-pincher Andrew Neil has disagreed with the Herald's analysis of Game of Thrones. "Lord of the Rings is densely written,...

Priests to Discover What Celibacy Really Means – Say Experts

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Following the historic announcement by Pope Francis that Priests are to be allowed to marry, experts are saying that Catholic Priests are, for the...

Sources say DFS might be having a sale IMMINENTLY

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If you want a new sofa, pay attention, because this could save you literally some pounds. In an exclusive scoop, The Rochdale Herald can reveal...

Katie Hopkins replaced by audio book of Mein Kampf narrated by Paul Nuttall

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Until LBC can find a suitable successor to Katie Hopkins her slot will be filled by a looped recording of Mein Kampf, narrated by...

Police concern as Derbyshire sees record levels of panic hiking

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Police have appealed to members of the public to exert self restraint as hordes of bored walkers descended on Britain's highways and byways and...

Wankers now the majority of the public, scientists conclude.

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A newly published report shows that 55% of the British public are tossers. Professor Onan Offtherist from the Rochdale Institute of Masturbatory Studies told us...
Paul Dacre

Is Daily Mail Editor Paul Dacre the most flaccid cockgoblin in the UK?

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Unsubstantiated sources allege Dacre is comfortably the vilest hate-peddling shitweasel in the UK. Feel free to tell us if you disagree with these allegations. But...

David Davis chosen as Westminster village idiot from competitive field

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Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union, David Davis, has been chosen to hold the esteemed job of Westminster Village Idiot, beating off...

Parents Bigger Liars Than Politicians

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Research done by students at Rochdale's Kingsway Park school suggests that parents are bigger liars than politicians. 6th Former Tom Wilkes who was head of the...

Leave voters incensed as EU threatens to take away Continental summer weather

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Leave voters voiced their anger today as the EU threatened to take away the Continental weather that sees England baking in sunshine and heat...
Houses of Parliament

Government reassures voters post-Brexit ration books will also be blue

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The government has taken bold steps today to reassure the public after a leaked Whitechapel report detailed how the UK is likely to face...

Songwriter reveals “Always something there to remind me” was written about Herpes

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The Burt Bacharach song, "Always something there to remind me" was written about Herpes. Or that's according to a new documentary to be screened...

Britain First Dates

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After the success of its restaurant based dating show, Channel 4 are set to do a one-off Xmas special to coincide with Paul Golding...

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