The Brexit negotiations have been tentative, at best, with British MPs doing their darndest not to get absolutely battered in the process. Unfortunately, Britain’s representatives are of the current Tory government, who are famously inept. The gaggle of useless cretins, or Brexit Committee, as they are occasionally known, has done nothing to back-up the wild promises they made pre-Brexit vote.

The discussions and estimations have been somewhat farcical, so far, with estimations of the “divorce bill” ranging from £18 million, to £90 million. Part of the elite group of miscreants, Michael Gove, has been ensuring his influence is felt throughout, with his natural flair for disappointment.

Gove took time away from being a waste of public money to talk to the Rochdale Herald. He told us; “Brexit negotiations were never going to be easy, it’s somewhat of an unknown quantity. We are still some way from knowing what will be achieved. It’s like my mother used to say, ‘life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get’.

That is, of course, unless you get one of those little cards. I wonder if Cadburys have little cards for Brexit…?” Guess he didn’t hear of the Kraft takeover.

The clueless buffoon is thought to be practicing darts for when he throws at a selection of ideas, and numbers to suggest. Hat shopping did not go as planned, for picking ideas out of, due to the rubber-moralled servant of Rupert Murdoch having a huge head, matching his inexplicable ego.

The slow-witted character, borrowing inspiration from Forrest Gump, Gove may well be preparing to tell us that shit happens, when all is done. After all, we know that you cannot polish a turd, although you can roll it in glitter.