Study finds people with pixelated faces 70% more likely to commit crime
A study carried out by some of the country's top criminologists has highlighted a surprising correlation between people with pixelated faces and a predisposition...
Artisan coffee is actually just coffee, admits pretentious twat
A pretentious twat from Rochdale has admitted that so-called artisan coffee is actually just the same as all other coffee, just a bit more...
Prominent woman to feature on new £2 banknote nicknamed ‘Lost and found’ worth one...
The Bank of England announced this morning that Prime Minister Theresa May will feature on a new two pound banknote timed for release in...
All w**ds to be b*nned to avoid offending p***ks
All words and language in all forms and formats are to be banned from next week for all eternity.
The reason for the multi-party agreed...
Not all men, say men
Men would like you to know that the thing a man just did, just isn't something they would do
Following a recent incident where a...
Nobody Offended By Twitter Joke
A joke posted on Twitter yesterday has met with a complete lack of offence for the first time in history.
The joke which reads "Most...
New age verification tests to be brought in for asylum seekers
Following public outcry that someone who has had their home blown to smithereens might be so desperate as to embellish the truth in order to seek sanctuary.
David Cameron having pigs in blankets for Christmas
A close friend of the Camerons', who wishes to remain anonymous, has said that the former PM 'is looking forward to his Christmas day...
Lost Amazon Tribe found really fit and well
Startling news reached us today that a lost tribe of warehouse workers has been found "really fit" and well in an Amazon 'fulfilment centre'...
Tragedy strikes as Dogs Die in Hot Cars die in hot car
The late 1990's Scottish Indy Rock community is in mourning today after hearing the news that the ironically named band Dogs Die in Hot...
No Brexit is better than a bad Brexit says David Davis
After boldly caving in to the EU negotiators on day one of talks the Brexit minister, David Davis, was in a bullish mood.
“We have...
Fred and Rose distance themselves from Kanye
The solicitor for the notorious murderers Fred and Rose West have released a statement saying that Mrs West and her deceased husband are 'in...
BBC resolves gender pay gap crisis
Human Resources managers at the BBC have been working tirelessly throughout the weekend, completing two days of back-to-back 6 hour shifts with reduced ginseng...
Is there something Stephen Crabb isn’t telling us?
In a dramatically uncharacteristic move Stephen Crabb, the former intern at anti-equality fundamentalist Christian group CARE and employer of interns from the anti-equality fundamentalist...
Lessons not learned for out of touch May as she fails to show up...
Critics have jumped on to Theresa May claiming that she is out of touch and still has not learned the lessons of the recent...
DWP and DUP conflicted over who are the bigger bastards.
Angry confusion has broken out on Twitter with the hashtags #DWP and #DUP.
The short tweets such as "Bastards ruin lives" and "Blood on your...
