An overweight chain-smoking binge-drinker who never does any exercise has confirmed that this government isn’t spending enough money on ensuring that his health care requirements are met.
Following the budget announcement on Thursday that this Government will only be heaping a few more tens of billions of pounds a year on to the £123.8 billion pounds a year it currently spends on the NHS local fat fucker Steve Dickinson expressed his outrage.
“Don’t the Government know I could catch a heart attack or something? I eat quite a lot of shit food, and that stuff is not good for you.”
“If I’m going to continue drinking too much and putting myself at risk of getting liver cirrhosis or maybe even diabetes with all of these terrible decisions I make everyday of my life I need to know that the NHS is properly funded.”
“What if I need a gastric band, or maybe a new kidney because I’ve caught Hepatitis from snorting cocaine off a pub toilet through a dirty bank note?”
“There’s a real risk that the NHS is going to be unable to support all of the chain-smoking fatties who never walk anywhere.”
“Lifestyle diseases are really expensive, as are mobility scooters for people who weigh forty stone, and don’t get me started on fags.”
“I was going to join a gym and then Hammond put duty up on cigarettes and now I can’t afford to go.”
“Something has got to give!”
The Chief Executive of NHS England confirmed last year that almost 40% of the NHS’s workload is related to “modifiable health risk factors”, such as excessive alcohol consumption, smoking and lack of exercise.
“Want to save the NHS? Go for a walk, you might even like it?”