Health

The Rochdale Herald would like to pass on advice regarding the nasty viral infection which has reared its ugly head in the UK recently. Please read this information and act accordingly. DO NOT IGNORE this...

World hunger has been declared over after Jeremy Corbyn urinated on a field just outside Rochdale. One aide told us, "Jeremy was returning from one of his meet and greets with local activists. He'd had...

A new disease, spread apparently by social media, is endangering the nation. Stickupthearseitis affects hundreds of people everyday and symptoms include getting salty over satire and being a twat in the comment sections. “I have suffered...

NHS officials have confirmed reports that health minister Jeremy Hunt has been hacked. "Since his initial appointment as health minister in 2012 we have been working on the assumption that Hunt was a particularly pernicious form of malware,"...

This is a key policy behind Rees-Mogg's bid for the Conservative party leadership. According to leaked documents, he is going to take his cue from the Catholic anthem Every Sperm Is Sacred and distribute his...

While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time that week that he’d seen the exact same pigeon outside...

Coca Cola have announced that the driver of their self-proclaimed ‘traditional’ Christmas Truck has been instructed to keep moving through the UK towns and cities that it visits to keep overweight and pre-diabetes children...

Several prominent sexually-transmitted infections have today sought assurances from the Government that Brexit will not have a negative impact on their European transmission rates.  In an open letter to MPs, the disease organisms expressed concerns that restrictions...

In an effort to stem growing panic, the WHO has released new advice for those concerned about Coronavirus.  Virologist Dr Kevin McRowland released the following statement this morning: "Studies have found that singing 'Covid19' to the...

The government’s “digital service”, a branch of the cabinet office and the one that was meant to protect the government’s computer systems against cyber attack, is apparently still using analogue equipment, the Rochdale Herald...

A spokesperson who claims to be from Theresa May's office has called to defend Theresa May after this writer- allegedly- implied that she was not entirely sincere in her public drive to tackle mental...

Rochdalians are being reminded today that having a deep pan 16 inch spicy meat special doesn't count as following a Mediterranean diet- even if you've preceded it with 12 bottles of San Miguel.  The reminder...

Michael "Jim" Delligatti, the man who invented the MacDonalds Big Mac burger (and apparently wasn't aware of what Jim is supposed to be short for) has died leaving people unsatisfied and feeling slightly ripped off.

A government source told us yesterday that  robot eyed shitkicker Jeremy Hunt has decided to take a more philosophical approach to the NHS crisis. Dr Steph O'Scope said "I think he's reading Zen & The...

The NHS breathed a deep sigh of relief today after Judge Ian Pringle QC ruled that you can't send surgeons to prison just for behaving like coked up sociopaths.

Unelected Prime Minister and part time Zelda impersonator has managed to anger both equalities protesters and AIDS awareness groups with her latest gaffe. Mrs May has announced a 300% pay rise for all civil servants...