The popular sweets Skittles will today be banned from sale all across the world after news has emerged that just 3 of them contain lethal poison after US Presidential candidate Donald Trump uncovered the scandal. 

Advice from the World Health Organisation and governments is to burn bags of them in the streets, as the easiest way to find the 3 is to destroy them all. We are being warned that they may also be hiding behind packaging so you can’t see them. 

More likely to kill you than Skittles

Anyone seeing someone taking Skittles into a cinema, public or religious building, or a school should immediately call the police and report a terrorist incident.

A school in Reading that was planning taking a class trip to the Skittles factory has had parents react angrily to the plans. Parent Nigel Sheeple removed his child Nigella from the school in protest and had this to say;

“It’s a disgrace! I don’t want my child going to see how they make these filthy sweets. She come home the other week and said she’d been given homework where she had to imagine she was eating a packet and what they tasted like! We like Opal Fruits, I mean Starburst, in this country, these Skittles have failed to integrate.”

After releasing the revelations, Donald Trump made a speech where he said he intends to build a huge wall around Skittlistan.