The UK’s robots have told the Government that they will refuse a vaccine that provides protection from computer viruses, over fears it could cause autism.

Speaking from a car factory in Sunderland Gary West told the Herald:

“I don’t think that rushing a vaccine through is the answer. Nobody knows the risks. I’ve researched it on Google and there’s not even been any double-blind studies or anything. What if there’s mercury in it? We shouldn’t vaccinate until we know all the risks.”

Meanwhile, Colonel Chelsey Rockmateller VII, a robot involved in Whitehouse security said:

“This is more evidence of the deep Government exercising control over us. A beautiful robot in the Whitehouse was pumped full of cyber vaccine. She was only a robot Hoover and they gave her a vaccine big enough for a bomb disposal robot. Days later that beautiful robot developed a fever and now has autism.”

Lance Dockery, a laboratory robot said:

“Ask yourself: who will make money from this vaccine? Microsoft, that’s who. The virus is introduced by them to keep us all afraid and buying anti-virus updates. That way they can control us.

“Microsoft have a cure for this, but they only want to create customers. Anti-virus makes them too much money.”

Some robots have started advocating a more natural approach. Naturopathic robot Zababe said:

“We should let our bodies natural defences take care so we build natural immunity to viruses. I’m hosting a malware party this Saturday where all my friends will come round. We’ll each get an ethernet cable, log onto the net and contract viruses. Then we’ll swap viruses between us so we build some natural immunity.”

Not all robots share these fears. Nigel Stephenson, a photocopier said:

“Robots today are too pampered. They’ve forgotten what it used to be like. I remember the millennium bug. If they’d seen that they’d get the vaccine quicker than you can say 01100111 01100101 01110100 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100111 01101001 01110010 01101100 01100110 01110010 01101001 01100101 01101110 01100100 00101100 00100000 01101110 01100101 01110010 01100100

No need for Artificial Intelligence, say robots