Green

Inside the Dark Underbelly of Kensington: Salad Dealers

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Our Herald undercover reporter uncovers the sinister side of the illegal Kensington salad trade. It’s 2 a.m. and I’m standing outside an all-night coffee shop...
Nurses

Stressed nurses sick of sick people

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Shedloads of stressed-out British nurses are leaving the profession because they are fed up with their working conditions and marginally better than national average...

NHS admit to clicking ‘remind me later’ on McAfee update for seven years straight

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NHS digital has come under fire from computer security professionals; as an investigation into yesterday's Malware virus has revealed NHS used McAfee and hadn't updated it...

Smallbridge Flats Man Convinced Pigeon Likes to Watch him Hoover Naked

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While spending a good portion of his weekly income on the Euromillions, Mr. Garry Lee Shaw complained about the fifth or even sixth time...

Smug twat who gave up smoking for New Year has no friends left

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New depths of smugness have been plumbed by a man in Clitheroe who gave up smoking on the 1st of January. Tomothy Morning-Wood, who had...
homeopath

NHS increase Homeopathy budget by 0.0000001%

Campaigners are thrilled after their campaign to reverse a decision by NHS bosses to no longer prescribe homeopathy on the NHS. After winning the right...

Robots refusing cyber attack vaccine due to autism fears

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The UK's robots have told the Government that they will refuse a vaccine that provides protection from computer viruses, over fears it could cause...

Attention seeker Brian Harvey arrested after sending himself abusive Tweets

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Former East 17 Band member and serial own foot shooter Brian Harvey is said to be in trouble with the police over alleged malicious...
Theresa May

Theresa May’s Rituals

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"Theresa May is signalling distress." Dr. Maca Damia comments, viewing photos of the Prime Minister kneeling by the road just inside Wales. "Do you see...
Alcoholics Anonymous logo

Automobile Association and Alcoholics Anonymous getting mixed up on a massive scale

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People have been mixing up the Automobile Association and Alcoholics Anonymous on a massive scale, it has emerged. Things came to a head recently when...
Vegetables

Vegetables ‘have feelings too’ top scientists discover

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Happy raspberries, disappointed carrots and furious parsnips may not be the stuff of fairy tales, top food scientists have shown. Researchers were observing the effect...

Jeremy Hunt Pictures Issued To Stop People Choking

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A new cure has been unveiled by the NHS to stop people choking - looking at pictures of Jeremy Hunt. This seemingly controversial move actually...

Naked gym guy insists “I’m just high on life”

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Reports are circulating that a middle aged man stripped stark bollock naked last night at local budget gym, LoveMuscle. Eyewitnesses claim he was beating his...

Woman chains herself up in bid to stop voting for the Conservatives

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A mother is so desperate to stop voting for the Conservatives she has chained herself up in her room to prevent access to a...
Katie Hopkins

Massive chip dislocates Katie Hopkins shoulder

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There were grave concerns for Katie Hopkins today when the massive chip she uses as a shoulder deepened and caused her arm to calve...
Bunk Beds

Government to end NHS bed shortage by installing bunk beds

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Health - A recent Government initiative has been announced to replace traditional hospital beds with bunk beds. This scheme was recently trialed in one...

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