A new kind of terrorism is trying to destroy the great American dream, according to the Trump Administration today.
“Pre-existing conditions are trying to ruin this great nation,” said Trump’s gob piece, Sean Spicer, “and President Trump, unlike his terrorist loving, communist predecessor, is going to do something about this scourge.”
One journalist asked if they perhaps meant that having a Pre-existing condition was so terrible that it was like being a victim of terrorism.
“No, the president is quite clear on this,” explained Spicer, “Having a pre-existing condition actually is a terrorist act against this country.”
“Surely you’re not saying that somebody with Crohns or MS or whose legs were cut off in a lawn mowing incident are similar to Osama Bin Laden or ISIS?” asked another.
“Did I fucking stutter?” responded Spicer.
The new definition is to be enshrined in Law by the new American Health Act, which defines several things as being a pre-existing condition. These include being Hillary Clinton, ever having voted for Hillary Clinton, having or wanting an abortion, not owning a gun, being black or gay in a public place, being a baby with a congenital heart defect and being poorer than President Trump.
As the AHA cleared its first hurdle, Trump gave a speech at a hastily organised supporter rally:
“These people who have pre-existing conditions… the fake news tells you that they’re in need of medical treatment but… Were gonna… Listen folks, nobody is more compassionate than me, I am the compassionatest guy in the world but these… They want to ruin this country with Obamacares. They want to fill your schools and your homes with Muslim Obamacares…And we are going to stop that right now, I guarantee it!”
He was then given a standing ovation by people who don’t realise that he’ll have bankrupted them by the end of the year.