With the General Election all done bar the shouting, cut-stricken NHS emergency departments are struggling this morning after 43% of the nation shot itself in the foot yesterday in a massive game of Russian Roulette.

A spokesperson for NHS Scotland said that they had seen an astronomical rise in the number of gunshot wounds to the feet, particularly in the Angus region. At the other end of the UK, whilst the South and South East of England blasted away at the pedal extremities with gay abandon, The Royal Sussex County hospital in Brighton reports a marked decrease in foot shootings whilst one lady in Hastings is left with no toes after a last minute decision by the electorate who tried so hard to resist but just couldn’t help pulling the trigger.

Orthopedic surgeon Terry Anyoowun told The Rochdale Herald, “Tory cuts have left the NHS in anything but a strong and stable position. I hope for their sake that those who chose to put a bullet though their boot yesterday haven’t done the same for free health care in the UK.”

The ramifications for the Health Service from this mass wounding are yet to be fully understood, the only thing we know for sure is that it isn’t as bad as it could have been.

At least it wasn’t a bullet to the head as a lot of people had been expecting.