Over a million Hobbits across The Shire including front line ring bearers and turnip farmers are expected to receive 6% pay increases, the Rochdale Herald has been told.

The deal is expected to be ‘agreed’ upon by a few little hobbits and the armies of Mordor and Sauron later today and could cost up to one whole mountain full of Dwarf Gold.

According to Sauron if approved, working Hobbits across The Shire could be merely hungry as opposed to starving to death by the end of the week.

“We’re obviously thrilled with this pay rise. All hail Sauron.” A pasty faced terrified looking spokeshobbit told The Rochdale Herald.

Orcs on the other hand have seen their pay rise by 10% from 67,000 to 74,000 pieces of silver in the last few years in an inflation busting move.

“Since we ‘privatised’ the dwarf mines of Moria, and by privatised I mean eaten all the dwarves, we’ve been able to make a fair bit of blunt on the side.” A spokesorc told The Rochdale Herald

“Who knew there was this much money in privatising dwarf owned assets.”

Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.