Tim Farron

Tim Farron forced to hand over lunch money during visit to primary school

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Tim Farron has today visited a primary school in Bacup in an effort to convince voters that the Lib Dems absolutely, cross their hearts hope...

Ice Cream headache pandemic reaches CRISIS point, as heatwave TERROR continues

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With millions of Britons terrified by the recent apparition of a giant ball of fire in the sky, there was further harrowing news today,...

People urged to collect this year’s autumn leaves for currency post apocalypse

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The Home Office has issued advice to the nation’s gardeners this year that they should be storing this year’s autumn leaves for use as...
Haggis

Haggis ‘just a joke we play on the English’ admits Scotland

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With Burns Night suppers planned across Scotland tonight, people are gearing up for the annual celebration of everything it means to be Scottish: fine...
Sunshine

Town centres full of fat topless pricks for some reason

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Town centres are chock full of topless, pasty white fat pricks for some reason according to sources. For some reason thousands upon thousands of fat...
Labour logo with Ukip logo within it

UKIP and Corbynista trolls to colour code social media posts to avoid confusion.

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  UKIP and the Corbynista wing of the Labour Party have reached a landmark agreement to prevent social media posts by their respective trolls and sock puppets...
Shouty man

We won, get over it! voted 2017 Phrase of the Year by racists

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We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today. The...

Convertible car owner not as smug after leaving the top down last night

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Sandra Numpton of Heywood has spent the last few days driving around in her convertible Mini Cooper, sun glasses on, hair in the wind,...
Boris Johnson

‘Shit dont stick to this, fam’ says Boris Johnson

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Non-stick coating manufacturer Teflon has today announced a lucrative tie in with Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson. The company is believed to have lined up an...

Russia urges foreign powers not to meddle in their U.K. elections

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The Russian Government has urged all nations to refrain from interfering in its UK elections. A spokesman told us, "We are very worried about other...

Britons Now Incapable Of Making Any Decision Without A Referendum

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The majority of British people are now incapable of making a decision without first holding a referendum, according to a study published today. Researchers...
Chris Grayling

Chris Grayling awards ferry contract to Nigerian Prince after receiving fortuitous email

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Transport Secretary, Chris Grayling has announced that the Government have awarded a contract to provide ferries in the event of a no-deal Brexit. Grayling, the...

Local hero returns from stay in hotel with both his iPhone charger and toothbrush

A local man is being hailed as some sort of hero after managing to return home from a stay in a hotel with both...
Drinking Wine

Not drinking alcohol only makes life feel a lot longer, confirm experts

Not drinking will make your life feel a lot longer, according to a study that suggests not being a little bit drunk every day...

1000’s of tea plantation jobs go as Yorkshire Tea announces it’s moving production to...

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There are fears that thousands of tea plantation workers in Yorkshire could lose their jobs as makers of Yorkshire Tea, Taylors of Harrogate, announced...

Corbyn Calls for Alton Towers to be Nationalised as Queues for Rollercoaster hits 2...

Waiting for hours for the hope of a seat, crushed up against other in the park, or crouched uncomfortably in the queues is an...

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