Siberia braces itself for unseasonal British drizzle
Russian media is warning residents of Central Sibera that the usually frozen steppes will be be bit damper than Britain all week.
Prisoners in Siberian...
White van man smashes World Land Speed Record
A plumber’s apprentice from Birtle has utterly smashed the world land speed record on the M66 in a white Peugeot van.
The news that Jamie...
Queen’s Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu
There are rumours today that the Queen's Christmas speech will contain one paragraph in Urdu.
A furious Palace insider told us, "It's completely ridiculous. I've...
EU to force UK to use £ s d following Brexit…
Brussels has warned that Britain will no longer be allowed to use the decimal system following Brexit and will be forced to go back...
Charity begins at home, say dickheads who don’t give money to charity
Total wankers around the country have responded to increases in the foreign aid budget by insisting that charity begins at home.
The wankers, who can...
Christmas ruined after husband caught shagging secretary on Christmas Eve
Christmas is officially ruined after the managing director of a local advertising agency was caught by his wife bonking his secretary on Christmas Eve.
Father...
Barclays customer sent to Guantanamo after overdraft complaint
A Rochdale man has been kidnapped by US intelligence services and sent to Guantanamo Bay after he complained to his local Barclays Bank about...
Josef Fritzl gets Knighthood in New Years honours
Austrian incest enthusiast, Josef Fritzl has been awarded a Knighthood in the New Years honours list. The list, released today recognises a range of...
UK appoints man that burnt 5G mast down to plan lockdown lifting
The UK Government has announced that it has appointed a new 'Lockdown Czar' to lead plans to lift the lockdown. Bill Board from Rochdale...
Windsor council workers sledging to work on frozen homeless people
Councillors in Windsor have been seen sledging using the frozen bodies of homeless people.
One told us, "The council wanted them all removed for the...
Cats growing increasingly desperate to find cure for Coronavirus
Pet cats have announced that they're ramping up their efforts to find a cure for Coronavirus as many find they're now forced to spend...
Labour NEC can take your money and run – rules court of appeal
The NEC of the Labour Party has won on appeal its right to lie its arse off in order to get three quid out...
Please stop comparing me to Hitler pleads bloke who just gave speech to German...
A bloke who gave a rabble rousing speech to a bunch of Nazis in Germany has put out a plea on social media asking...
Prince Philip to reprise role in new Star Wars film
His Royal Highness to play part of Grand Moff Tarkin again in latest outing of sci-fi saga.
Warning: contains spoilers
Shooting began today for the latest...
Only 3,617 parliamentary sex scandals until Christmas
The United Kingdom was very giddy to learn today that there are just 3,617 parliamentary sex scandals left to be revealed before Christmas.
Santa Claus...
Woman doesn’t dick about with thermostat
A woman from Rochdale has taken the extraordinary decision to not dick about with the central heating thermostat.
Barbara Dickinson responded to the fact that...
