Follow Burnley’s example and shower less often, water companies urge Britain
The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office.
A hosepipe ban has been enacted...
Treasury announces British economy based on booze and barbeques
The Government has announced that the UK's economy is now based solely on beer and barbeques.
In a statement the Treasury said, "The sunny...
Modern slavery greatest evil, says woman who supports unemployed working for free
Theresa May has announced that the worst thing in the world, after Trump's hair and Boris Johnson's gob, is modern slavery. Millions will...
Street prices hits £2 a hit in Glasgow as addicts stockpile Irn Bru
Street pushers in Glasgow have been demanding up to £2 for a hit of Irn Bru as addicts have started stockpiling ahead of a...
Whitehall in panic as Chilcot Report left on N47 Deptford Bus
With only a little more than a month to go before the controversial Chilcot report is due to be released Whitehall has been thrown...
Tony Blair has already earned more than you
Tony Blair has already earned more than you will this year and it's only January.
For those unfamiliar, Mr Blair is the most successful leader...
Santa sacks Rudolph due to his low productivity levels
It's "snow" joke.
Santa has sensationally sacked his seasonal sidekick, Rudolph.
The reason was that the much-loved face of animal disability was displaying typically...
Paul Nuttall To Become Next Duke Of Edinburgh
Paul Nuttall will be assuming the position of Duke of Edinburgh, following the retirement of Prince Philip, he has confirmed.
“It’s the perfect job, really,”...
Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children’s toys denies mid-life crisis
A Bloke with shaved legs and huge collection of children's toys denies mid-life crisis.
A forty two year old man from Rochdale who shaves his...
Paul Nuttall – Why I Won’t Talk About Fight Club
Paul Nuttall O.B.E is reluctant to talk about Fight Club, the global phenomenon he founded in 1996.
“Chuck and me, we don't talk about it." He...
UKIP and Corbynista trolls to colour code social media posts to avoid confusion.
UKIP and the Corbynista wing of the Labour Party have reached a landmark agreement to prevent social media posts by their respective trolls and sock puppets...
Stop calling us liars, lying racist shitsticks tell Microsoft
The Daily Mail is calling for a web browser alert that tells readers that prolonged exposure to its website will turn them into completely...
SHOCK after ECSTASY tablet found to contain traces of MDMA
Rochdale Police today issued a warning to recreational drug users that Ecstasy tablets are being sold in the local area that actually contain some...
Get behind my nutters version of Brexit says Jacob Rees-Mogg
Jacob Rees-Mogg has attempted to counter accusations that he has no Brexit plan by unveiling one so fancifully insane a Texan jury wouldn't recommend...
Anaconda, Bresciola and Carpet Top 3 Girls’ Names for 2016
The computer that produces the list of the most popular names given to babies each year has thrown up a remarkable result in its...
Geordies vow to fight back against latest extremist plot
The people of Tyneside reacted defiantly to the latest so-called Islamic State threat and vowed to defeat radicalisation in all its forms, particularly weather...
