Tate & Lyle sponsor cabinet meetings
After what critics are calling a feeble effort to tackle childhood obesity the government is now in hot water again as it transpired that...
UK appoints man that burnt 5G mast down to plan lockdown lifting
The UK Government has announced that it has appointed a new 'Lockdown Czar' to lead plans to lift the lockdown. Bill Board from Rochdale...
Theresa May to headline Latitude Festival
Not to be outdone by Corbyn's appearance at Glastonbury last weekend, May hastily forms new band to perform at Latitude this July.
In the kind...
Marines B, C, D, E, F & G escape court martial by not forgetfully...
Today Marine B was quietly reflecting on the time he shot a badly wounded prisoner of war in Helmand.
No one else ever heard about...
British meteorologists blame wet August on an increase in cloud storage by Apple
The weather scientist went on to predict industrialised nations have a maximum of one year before the amount of material stored in the cloud reaches a critical mass of never ending rain.
Abu Hamza to be welcomed back to the UK with State Visit
Hate preacher Abu Hamza has been invited to a State Visit after Number 10 revealed that they are widening the scope of the unsavoury...
Satirists across the globe have a day off due to lack of news
The Daily Mash, NewsThump, SNN and The Poke all refused to post content today as world events seemed to have ground a to halt.
"A...
Tommy Robinson distances himself from the Labour Party
Right wing folk hero Tommy Robinson has issued a statement distancing himself for The Labour Party.
The statement was issued in response to speculation that...
Prince William’s asking about legalizing drugs “for a friend”
Following news today that Prince William asked various drug users about their views on current drug laws, The Rochdale Herald was approached by a...
For Fuck’s Sake, sighs Britain
The entire United Kingdom muttered "for fuck's sake" in unision yesterday afternoon after learning that Boris Johnson has been "elected: new Conservative leader and...
Shipping alert as Monster Fatberg spotted in Caribbean
The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma.
What has...
Tests prove evolution has stopped among UKIP supporters
Groundbreaking research at Rochdale Technical University’s Institute of Genetic Engineering has confirmed that evolution has stopped working, and in some cases is being reversed,...
EU offers bribe of better UK weather if we remain
The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early...
One dead and two critical after fight over last packet of burger buns
At approximately one o'clock this afternoon emergency services were dispatched to the Cooperative convenience store in Middleton. The initial response was to investigate a...
Self-aggrandising, egotistical liar meets Donald Trump
Donald Trump was interviewed by self-aggrandising egotist Piers Morgan over the weekend.
Morgan, who likes to pretend to stand for traditional British values such as...
Prince Philip to be dismantled following cladding inspection failure
HRH the Duke Of Edinburgh to be decommissioned and scrapped after failing Health and Safety tests.
Sad scenes at Buckingham Palace today as Prince Philip...
