Man thinks totalitarian measures the best way to honour war dead

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A Bridlington man has outlined extreme measures by which people not wearing poppies on Remembrance Sunday should be punished. This includes being subjected to death...

Dozens injured after Chris Grayling attempts to throw hat into ring for Conservative Leadership

Dozens injured after Chris Grayling attempts to throw hat into the ring for Conservative Leadership Several hundred innocent bystanders were left with horrendous injuries, many...

Fireman Sam denies having ever met Norman Price

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Pontypandy fireman, Fireman Sam has again denied having ever met Norman Price on more than 3 occasions. The denial comes amidst growing calls for...

Local hero returns from stay in hotel with both his iPhone charger and toothbrush

A local man is being hailed as some sort of hero after managing to return home from a stay in a hotel with both...

Boris Johnson to be blasted into space

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The Government has announced that Boris Johnson is to be sent into space as part of its new space program. An insider told us, "We'll...

Rees-Mogg reveals time travel is workable Irish border solution

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Jacob Rees-Mogg has revealed that the Irish border issue can be easily and practically solved using time travel. Rees-Mogg revealed the plan today in a...
Heart Attack

What do you mean bride’s father pays? Asks Meghan Markle’s father before heart attack

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It's been suggested that Meghan Markle's dad had a heart attack shortly after being told that the brides father should pay for his daughters...

London celebrates first “Gammon Pride” event

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Scotland Yard and the Met Police are bracing for potential violent clashes at a "Gammon Pride" event being held in London today. The event will...
Mutineers

Daily Telegraph releases images of MPs it thinks should wear EU flag armbands

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The Daily Telegraph has today released photos of the M.P's it says should wear arm bands that signify their mutineer status. The paper says that...
Teenage Pregnancy

Sex education in primary schools should be banned, says Burnley gran, 19

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Sex education has been given the thumbs down by Burnley gran Ellie-Mae-Leigh Horne. 19 year old Ellie-Mae-Leigh, whose eldest daughter Chelsea-Leigh has just given...
Lazy Cat

Catlike powers wasted on cats

According to research at the institute of institutes catlike powers are absolutely wasted on cats. Researchers have discovered that despite having incredible superpower like abilities...

People confused over what Testing is for

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Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned. Idiots the country over were...
Shouty man

We won, get over it! voted 2017 Phrase of the Year by racists

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We won, get over it! has become the new mantra of choice for racists, according to the results of a new survey published today. The...
Ambulance Katie Hopkins

Katie Hopkins hospitalised after choking on apology to Muslim

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Katie Hopkins was driven slowly to hospital yesterday after choking on the word "sorry" while typing a court ordered apology to the Mahmoud family.

Theresa May speaks to Herald – exclusive!

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The Prime Minister has faced many difficulties over the past weeks - Brexit, terrorist attacks in Manchester and London, a poor election showing and...
Paul Nuttall

Paul Nuttall To Become Next Duke Of Edinburgh

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Paul Nuttall will be assuming the position of Duke of Edinburgh, following the retirement of Prince Philip, he has confirmed. “It’s the perfect job, really,”...

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