Clock in car mysteriously right again

There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously...
Begging

Beggars fined for begging to pay begging fines

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Vulnerable homeless people are now being forced into longer begging hours to pay the newly introduced fines for begging. In another PR triumph for...

Leave Means Leave to broaden appeal by offering Saga vouchers to young members

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Leave Means Leave, the new campaign group for bringing destitution and poverty onto the general UK populace have announced radical new plans to entice...

First shipment of thoughts and prayers arrive for those made homeless by Grenfell Fire

The first shipment of thoughts and prayers has arrived in Kensington to be distributed amongst those left homeless by the fire that destroyed Grenfell Tower one week ago.

14000 airbus job losses and 3.8 million settled migrants was on the other bus...

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Brexiteers have been scrambling around attempting to tell everyone that 14,000 job losses at Airbus and 3.8 million settled migrants was on a completely...

Roof Falling Down Fastest Thing About Southern Rail

Southern Rail execs are busy trying to figure out how to blame unions for one of their trains falling to bits on its way...
Chemistry

Everyone on Facebook expert in analytical chemistry all of a sudden

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Everyone on Facebook is now an expert in analytical chemistry it has been revealed. The news comes after scientists at Porton Down revealed that they...
Scientists

Obvious Satire Still Confusing Idiots, Say Scientists 

Researchers at the esteemed Rochdale Community University have published a study today revealing that fool-proof satire is still not fool-proof.  "We gave some angry morons...
Happy Children

Parents of school age children feeling no sympathy for teachers as holidays end

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Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an...

Ben Fogle quits Animal Park to try his hand at ventriloquism

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Popular broadcaster and adventurist Ben Fogle has been declared an endangered species on Twitter after sustaining numerous headshots from people ridiculing his idea for...

Wise Men slam ‘unreasonable expectations’ as ‘Virgin’ Mary’s first sausage is a foot-long manger...

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Some wise men have today hit back at a high street bakers claiming that their 'Foot-Long Sausage Roll' creates unrealistic expectations about baked goods....

Dead whale found in Thames was Russian spy

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The Government have announced that a whale that has been found dead beside the River Thames was a Russian spy. The whale was found beside...

UK moves to a pocket full of posies phase of Coronavirus plan

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The Government has this morning announced, it has begun the "pocket full of posies" phase of its Coronavirus plan. Spokesman Bill Board said, "We use...

Rochdale Herald exclusive – Prince Andrew tells us about Princess Beatrice’s wedding

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In a Rochdale Herald exclusive Prince Andrew tells us how the secret wedding of his daughter Beatrice went last week. 7am - Woken up by...
Rees Mogg

Man with six kids reckons he knows more about withdrawal method than some woman

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The latest Etonian voice of the people, Jacob Rees-Mogg, is convinced that his Catholicism gives him the the edge on some woman Jacob Rees-Mogg, who...
Tony Blair

We must reverse historic mistake, says irreversible historic mistake

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Everyone in the world looked at each other and asked "what the hell" yesterday after the temerity of a former political leader's comments on...

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