Heat from self-righteous can power the world

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Scientists at the renowned Rochdale Community University's Social Physics department announced the discovery of a new energy source today. “We discovered that the heat radiated...
face palm

March Against Hate Wins World Irony Cup

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The World Irony Championship has been cancelled for 2017 after anti-Muslims calling themselves UK Against Hate held a march against extremism. “We normally wait until...

Mr Tumble denounces Theresa May and says not in our name.

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Leading clowns have issued a joint statement confirming that Theresa May's latest attacks on migrants and the NHS are not part of traditional clown...
Bored Cat And Dog

Wheelie Bin Cat purr-sues new career as guard dog trainer

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Lola the ninja feline, from Coventry, was once again discovered in a rather strange location. This time it was in a Romford working men’s...
Puppy Christmas

John Lewis Christmas advert shows puppy being fed into blender

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Retailer John Lewis has released its Christmas advert for 2017 which shows a cute puppy being fed into an industrial strength blender. The eagerly anticipated...

Forecasters predict Christmas will be a fraught and expensive ordeal

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Economic experts are forecasting that Christmas 2017 will see a double digit percentage increase in cost to the average family, based on a basket...

Nuclear war could be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry

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A globally devastating nuclear war could prove to be a massive boost for post Brexit British industry, the UK's Secretary of State for International...

Arseholes planning to ruin Christmas by not letting go of 2016 political bollocks

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Unfortunately an opportunity to have that shit in your family who disagrees with you captive for a few hours is too much for some

Sun exposes Cable as Strawberry fool

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Liberal democrat leadership candidate "SIR" Vince Cable has been left looking a plum strawberry fool after his claim that Britain was running out of...
Spaniel

Family dog dutifully tells sleeping baby that there’s somebody at the door

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A dutiful family dog has very helpfully informed a sleeping baby that there is somebody at the door. The seven year old Cocker Spaniel made...

Homeworkers mysteriously suntanned

People who work from home are all looking oddly suntanned for people who work at their desks for eight hours a day, leading experts...

Iain Duncan Smith ‘devastated’ he may have to wait six weeks for knighthood

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Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six...

Torquay becomes UK Hate Capital overnight

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A new survey of social attitudes out earlier today has revealed that Torquay has turned into the Hate Capital of the UK overnight after...
The Queen

Queen denies ever having met Prince Andrew

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Buckingham Palace has released a statement from the Queen denying that she has ever met Prince Andrew. In the statement the Queen said, "I've never...

England celebrates patron saint of Syphilis

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England is to spend the day celebrating the patron saint of Syphilis today. Branches of Wetherspoons across the land will be full of obese, gammon...
Trump Idiotic

Trump thwarts Milnrow knife attack.

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Diners in a Milnrow curry house were astonished as the 45th (and probably last) President of the USA stopped an armed bandit carrying out...

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