BMW

BMW three series usage linked with being an unbearable bellend

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A 25 year long study of the people who habitually buy and use BMW 3 series has concluded that they are usually "unbearable bellends." Previous...

Dominic Cummings appears on TV to tell plebs to f*** off in person

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Dominic Cummings has appeared on the BBC to tell everyone to f*** off and leave him alone. Speaking to Secretary of the Boris Booster Club,...

Government announce plans to build new homes for immigrants on Rockall

Yesterday, far off of anyone's radar and while the teacup storm over Jeremy Corbyn's recent train journey reached stratospheric new heights, the UK government...

Patients should only suffer because of politics – Insists Hunt

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Homeopathic politician and all-round quack-licker Jeremy The Hunt has stated that patients will suffer if planned strikes by junior doctors go ahead. "Obviously we don't...

Boris Johnson discovers he’s won half a speedboat at Chequers

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Boris Johnson, Michael Gove and David Davis have won half a speedboat at the Conservative Party away day at Chequers today. The trio were...

Tories to pledge crackdown on food bankers’ bonuses

A leaked copy of the Conservative Party's election manifesto has revealed plans to crackdown on 'luxury' items being handed out to those forced to...

Leadsom bookies favourite in cabinet deadpool

Professional sexist and political hot potato Andrea Leadsom was under fire yesterday following revelations that her comments about motherhood in The Times during her...

Nigel Farage leaves LBC for remake of Howards’ Way; Nigels’ Way

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Nigel Farage has left LBC and got a job on a new remake of Howards' Way called, Nigels' Way. Producer Bill Board told us, "Nigel...
White Walkers

Army of White Walkers causing delays M1 Southbound

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Drivers and commuters are facing another difficult day of delays and difficult journeys across the UK after a second night of freezing temperatures.  The Met...

Government pressed on exit strategy for NHS clapping

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Labour leader Keir Starmer has urged the Government to publish its exit strategy this week, as he warns that the "silent pressures on families...
Depressed business man at his desk

Satirists across the globe have a day off due to lack of news

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The Daily Mash, NewsThump, SNN and The Poke all refused to post content today as world events seemed to have ground a to halt. "A...
Tim Farron

Tim Farron forced to hand over lunch money during visit to primary school

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Tim Farron has today visited a primary school in Bacup in an effort to convince voters that the Lib Dems absolutely, cross their hearts hope...

Woman doesn’t dick about with thermostat

A woman from Rochdale has taken the extraordinary decision to not dick about with the central heating thermostat. Barbara Dickinson responded to the fact that...
Cave Diver

Britain takes back control of its fishing waters and hides them in Shropshire

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The Government has revealed that Britain has taken back control of its fishing waters and hidden them in Shropshire. A spokesman said, "For too long...
Amber Rudd

I did get the memo, but I don’t know what’s in it because I...

Home Secretary Amber Rudd has admitted that she did actually get the memo about specific migrant removal targets, but was unable to read it...

Nuttall to captain UK Olympic waterboarding team

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UKIP party leader, former archbishop of Canterbury, Duke of Edinburgh in Waiting and Huddersfield Town striker, Paul Nuttall has been named as...

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