Kaiser Chiefs hurriedly rerelease ‘I Predict a Riot’
As crowds of surprisingly calm protesters gather at Westminister to demand the resignation of the recently elected droid, Maybot 2.0, The Kaiser Chiefs are...
Queen’s Speech delayed as Elizabeth II seeks treatment for stress related Tourette’s
Security has been increased at King Edward VII hospital, where it is believed her Majesty the Queen is currently undergoing treatment for an acute...
Clock in car mysteriously right again
There was befuddlement all over the UK this morning after every motorist in the country reported that the clock in the car is mysteriously...
Man who thinks caging children is a good idea says Brexit will be great
A man who thinks that separating children from their parents and putting them in a cage is a good idea has said that the...
“We’re looking forward to getting out” say nuclear weapons.
Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs.
With launch codes about...
Baby seals used in making of new £1 coin.
The bank of England and Royal Mint announced today that the new pound coin that entered into circulation this week is made using the...
‘It’s the Welsh we hate not the English’ claims SNP
The Scottish National Party has released an official statement denying that their desire for Scottish independence is motivated by a historic mistrust of the...
Corbyn popularity ratings soar after ZZ Top grant him keys to magic Hot Rod
In what would at first glance appear to be a complete and utter ripoff of an Onion article dating back to 1997, Labour Party...
Piss levels dangerously low after 2016 took it all – study finds
A study into the efficiency of waste management facilities across the UK has revealed a dramatic decline in the levels of liquid waste being...
In London you’re never more than 6ft from a Tory Party leadership candidate, study...
The old adage has it that we're never more than six feet away from a Conservative Party leadership candidate?
It's a saying that seems almost...
Mail Online reassures readers faulty fridge wasn’t bought by a white person
The Mail-online has sought to reassure readers that it was a slack-jawed, lazy, drunken black man who bought the fridge that started the Grenfell...
North East has nowt to do with us, claims Government
Following a cabinet meeting on Tuesday the government has denied responsibility for the north east stating "we didn't want it in the first place....
Buckingham Palace announces Prince Andrew to tour Paris road tunnels
Buckingham Palace has announced that Prince Andrew will go on a state visit of Parisian road tunnels later this week.
In a statement a spokesman...
Labour MP Needs To Bathe In Ocean
Wanky-named cod impersonator and Labour MP Thangar Debonairre (ironically in charge of modern culture!) was recently told to "Get in the sea," by a...
Concerns mount for Rochdale man not heard yelling at Six O’clock News
Concerns are mounting over the welfare of a Rochdale man who is apparently missing from his Lancashire home.
Steve Dickinson, 42 and a bit, was...
Minister of Health and Social care to Employ Doctors From University of Life
Health Minster Stephen Barclay has told of his bold plan to plug the shortfall of doctors within the NHS by employing geniuses from the...
