You could always smother a grandparent for a house deposit, Banks advise first time...
First time buyers struggling to raise the funds for a house deposit are being advised to smother an elderly relative for the inheritance by...
Police chiefs launch captive breeding programme in bid to boost officer numbers
Police chiefs in England and Wales have been asked to contribute their best and brightest officers to a captive breeding programme due to be launched in...
Britain prepares to spend weekend listening to pensioners contrived war stories
British pensioners are gearing up for this weekend’s festival of remembrance by remembering their contrived war stories.
Many, like 78 year old Justin Case, spent...
Lucky childless bastards book affordable holiday
A pair of lucky childless bastards have managed to book an off-season five star holiday to an empty resort at a cost of almost...
Daily Mail demands children be taught anatomy using dead bodies of their teachers
The Daily Mail has today announced that school pupils in England should be taught anatomy using the dead bodies of their previously living teachers....
Breaking News: Hundreds of MP’s feared dead in Catastrophic Westminster fire
This could be the headline if the Houses of Parliament aren't upgraded.
A one off special of the show 'Homes Under The Hammer' will be...
Husband remembers to do thing
There were ecstatic scenes in Rochdale this afternoon after a Middleton resident remembered to do the thing he'd been asked to do earlier in...
Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms
Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney". Claiming to...
New train timetables also a massive success, confirms Davis
The imposition of sweeping timetable changes on Britain's railways for the first time in 17 years has been an unmitgated success, it has been...
If you loved the Blitz you’ll love Brexit, says Piers Morgan
Piers Morgan has told ITV viewers that if they loved the Blitz they're going to love Brexit.
Morgan made the comments in on Good Morning...
Survey finds UK’s pub chat and sense of humour at risk of extinction
Social scientists have revealed a study that shows a correlation between the decline in the British sense of humour and decline in pub chat.
Dr...
Badger fed up with receiving ‘Bristle-enhancing Pills’ emails
Brock Hampstead, a male badger from the New Forest, has started a campaign targeting what he claims is speciesist profiling by advertisers.
"I know that...
You’re In Or You’re Out
Casual racism is set to become a thing of the past under new Prime Minister Theresa May.
Shoe-obsessed Theresa May has announced plans to eradicate...
Eric Bristow MBE says beaten women aren’t ‘proper men’
The pie faced gravy rhyming bastard, who obtained Royal recognition for being good at throwing things made the comment after a series of ill...
Environment saved and global warming halted as Rochdale man takes own carrier bag to...
Environmentalists have conceded that the environment has been saved and the ice caps are no longer melting after a Rochdale man remembered to take...
DUP B.U.N.G. to be funded through NI contributions
British Unity Nationally Guaranteed
Treasury Minister Terry Axe announced today that British Unity Nationally Guaranteed (aka B.U.N.G.) payments will start shortly as part of delivering...
