Snake

Senior Tories want to change party logo from tree to ladder to attract more...

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The Conservatives may be about to dump their current tree logo and replace it with a ladder. In 2006, the Conservative and Unionist Party dumped...
Trump Idiotic

Trump thwarts Milnrow knife attack.

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Diners in a Milnrow curry house were astonished as the 45th (and probably last) President of the USA stopped an armed bandit carrying out...

Pink shirts are all the rage, says man who left red sock in washing...

A bloke who only wears pink shirts now is insisting that they are all the rage having washed all of his white clothes with...
High Court

Man who murdered colleague who spoke to him before first cup of coffee cleared...

A man who beat a colleague to death with a computer keyboard in what has been described as a frenzied attack has been cleared...
Tim Farron

Tim Farron forced to hand over lunch money during visit to primary school

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Tim Farron has today visited a primary school in Bacup in an effort to convince voters that the Lib Dems absolutely, cross their hearts hope...

Colonel Mustard blames the Housing Minister in the Cabinet Office with the Funding Cuts

2
Colonel Mustard has alleged that the housing minister, in the cabinet office, with the funding cuts caused the Grenfell fire.   The Colonel, wearing a...
Builder

Builder who did the quote for Buckingham Palace sucked air through his teeth first

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After a quick survey of Buckingham Palace on Thursday, 38 year old builder, Barry Burford reportedly said; "Well, there's the pointing, supplies, man hours, that...
Ryanair

Jeremy Corbyn says Labour will Nationalise RyanAir

18
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical...

Man discovers he’s middle aged after getting neck injury whilst putting jumper on

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A Rochdale man has come to the realisation he's middle aged after sustaining a neck injury whilst putting on a jumper. Stan Still, 38, said,...

Scottish islanders prepare to offer counselling to Londoners who lose wheelie bins in Storm...

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As Storm Brian barrels towards the UK with increasing media fury Scottish islanders are preparing to offer counselling to Londoners, and other bewildered southerners,...
The Stig

Muslim women swap burkas for Stig costumes to appeal to middle aged white men

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A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's...
Colin Firth

Leave.EU tells orphaned bear to “piss off back to Peru”

14
Coming over here, shitting in our woods... A small bear arrived in this country some years ago. The friendly bear, with his old hat, battered...
Nuclear explosion

May denies knee-jerk policy reaction to Trident misfire

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Sources at Number 10 today denied that there was any connection between elements of Theresa May's new industrial strategy and the colossal Trident balls-up...

Oxford English Dictionary finally defines ‘Brexit’

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Brexit means Brexit… says Mrs T. May of Downing Street. Her assertion has prompted many people to ask exactly what ‘Brexit’ means. Answers have so far...

Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens

38
Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...

Deer left shaken by run in with Prince 

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A Balmoral based deer has spoken out after being run down by the heir to the British throne. Dougal Hornhead spoke to the Herald after...

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