Hose Pipe Bans

3rd Day of Sunshine sees Hose Pipe Bans Across UK

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As the heatwave currently hitting the UK enters its third day water companies across Britain have enforced hose pipe bans once again. Despite months of...
Woman eating sweets

Disgraceful mum eats way through another giant tub of Haribo before Trick or Treaters...

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Disgraced mother-of-two Barbara Dickinson, from Rochdale was disgusted with herself yet again today, after eating through another tub of Halloween themed Starmix.  Mrs Dickinson has...

Queen buys Prince Andrew Whirlpool washing machine

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The Queen has bought Prince Andrew a Whirlpool washing machine for Christmas.  A Palace source told us, "It was going cheap because of some recall...
Nigel Farage

If it wasn’t for my £4m house and investment portfolio I’d be practically penniless,...

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Nigel Farage, the former leader of Ukip, has told The Rochdale Herald that if it wasn't for his £4M house, his £2.5M investment portfolio...
Michael Gove

Gove cast as Tick-Tock in Rupert Murdoch’s adaption of ‘Peter Pan’

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An all star cast is to appear in seasoned stage director Rupert Murdoch's new adaptation of the J. M. Barrie classic 'Peter Pan'. Michael Gove...

Boris promises £350M per week to recovery of British Virgin Island tax havens

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Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...
Houses of Parliament

People who squeeze teabag to be stripped of citizenship and deported

The whole of the UK has united behind the Home Secretary's decision to deport anybody who squeezes the teabag before removing it from the...

Man who forgot to take smartphone to loo with him makes full recovery

A bloke who forgot to take his iPhone to the toilet with him this morning has made a “complete” recovery following “breakthrough” treatment with...
Dartboard

UKIP contains more pricks than Eric Bristow’s dartboard

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The political establishment was rocked today when new research conclusively proved that the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) contains more pricks than world famous darts...

Stop calling us liars, lying racist shitsticks tell Microsoft

The Daily Mail is calling for a web browser alert that tells readers that prolonged exposure to its website will turn them into completely...

Iain Duncan Smith ‘devastated’ he may have to wait six weeks for knighthood

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Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six...
Mrs Brown's Boys

Anne Frank’s diary found to contain script for pilot episode of Mrs Brown’s Boys

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The wartime diary of Anne Frank has been found to contain a script for the pilot episode of Mrs. Brown's Boys. Recent imaging analysis of...

Anti-peerage remoaner experiences Damascene Conversion on House of Lords

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Longtime liberal anti-peerage system remoaner Steve Dickinson has experienced a miraculous Road to Damascus Moment.  For years local libtard Steve Dickinson has posted memes about...
Daily Mail Readers

Daily Mail readers hospitalised after inhaling EU migrant gas at Birling Gap

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Over one hundred patriotic Daily Mail readers were hospitalised yesterday after inhaling toxic EU migrant gas while innocently sea siding at Birling Gap. The weather...
Houses of Parliament

SHOCK after politician caught watching NORMAL PORN featuring adults

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A former Scotland Yard detective has told the Rochdale herald he was "shocked" by the amount of legal pornography viewed on a computer seized...
Korean

South Koreans and Londoners in agreement that it’s “grim up north”

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South Koreans will similarly be asked to stand on the border with their own north and use megaphones to shout at their alienated relatives that they think they have it hard, they could try living in Rochdale.

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