National News

Following the news that The Daily Coronavirus Update is losing viewers faster than America is running out of MolotovCocktails, BBC producers have paid an undisclosed sum to prise away Ant and Dec from ITV to...

A bloke with a tattoo of a skull on his neck has done really, really well in a job interview today. Harvey Wallbanger, 22, from Rochdale had applied for a job as a cashier in...

The Government has announced that the UK's economy is now based solely on beer and barbeques. In a statement the Treasury said, "The sunny weather has really helped the economy. With much better growth...

Tom Hodgkins of Heywood today admitted that wearing shorts in winter is a bad idea and his leg are cold. We caught up with Tom, who was stood shivering in the school yard waiting to...

A man has bought a rather large and very expensive television today. It apparently takes up quite a significant part of his living room and is "almost as big as his cock, lol." as he...

The Daily Telegraph has today released photos of the M.P's it says should wear arm bands that signify their mutineer status. The paper says that the armbands should be in the design of the EU...

Professional sexist and political hot potato Andrea Leadsom was under fire yesterday following revelations that her comments about motherhood in The Times during her leadership campaign were actually the nicest things she said to...

Scientists have confirmed that parents of school age children across the United Kingdom feel zero sympathy for teachers as summer holidays crash to an end. Apparently in late July sympathy for teachers was much higher,...

Retailer John Lewis has released its Christmas advert for 2017 which shows a cute puppy being fed into an industrial strength blender. The eagerly anticipated two minute clip, directed by Quentin Tarantino, shows the blending...

A new experimental initiative has seen numerous British Muslim women swap their traditional full face veils for an outfit made popular by Top Gear's "The Stig." The aim of the trial is to make both...

A team of former special-forces mercenaries have been arrested in connection with the criminal use of drones which has caused the widespread disruption to flights at Gatwick airport, police have told The Rochdale Herald. In...

UK retailers were left smirking knowingly today as momentum gathered for the Buy Nothing Day campaign, being run on the same day as Black Friday.  The campaign which urges people not to buy a single...

The Prime Minister has faced many difficulties over the past weeks - Brexit, terrorist attacks in Manchester and London, a poor election showing and the tragedy at the Grenfell tower block. Nevertheless, the Herald has...

Former Tory minister and leading Brexit campaigner Michael Gove has called on the government to slash EU regulations on cannibalism which he claims have been holding back British industry. "We need to take back control...

Prince Harry has a new job as a Prince Harry look-alike in Canada. His new boss told us, "There's a lot of attention on Prince Harry at the moment. With that attention then demand for...

England is to spend the day celebrating the patron saint of Syphilis today. Branches of Wetherspoons across the land will be full of obese, gammon faced men talking in capital letters as they celebrate St...