Electric shock therapy recharges your batteries, says sadistic boss
The boss of a Rochdale mobile phone tech support company, Globally Integrated Mobile Phone Solutions, has been telling the Herald how electric shock therapy...
Men to celebrate International Men’s Day by having no idea that it’s International Men’s...
Men across the globe will celebrate International Men's Day today by being completely oblivious to the fact that it's International Men's Day.
The annual event,...
Bloke from the Student Loans Company still thinks they’re getting their money back
A delusional representative of the Student Loans Company has said that he is still optimistic that they might get some of the money back...
KFC chicken shortage averted with introduction of all new recipe
KFC lovers around the country are thrilled that their local branches are reopening with an all new menu.
Chiefs at the multi-national fast-food chain have...
Dominic Raaaaab resigns to commit more time to GCSE resit
Dominic Raab has announced he's resigning to spend more time with his Geography GCSE revision.
Mr Raaab announced his resignation earlier today saying, "I've...
Eric Bristow MBE says beaten women aren’t ‘proper men’
The pie faced gravy rhyming bastard, who obtained Royal recognition for being good at throwing things made the comment after a series of ill...
Daily Express readers desperately hoping new Royal baby is a ginger
Daily Express readers up and down the country have welcomed the news of Duchess of Sussex's pregnancy by crossing all of their fingers and...
You don’t know what love is ’til you hold your baby for the first...
Forget looking into your bride's eyes on your wedding day, you don't know what love is until you become a parent and hold your...
Chilcott’s Trojan War Report ready in the next few days
Sir John Chilcott has announced his long overdue enquiry into the Trojan War could be ready "within a matter of days".
The report, long overdue...
Not drinking alcohol only makes life feel a lot longer, confirm experts
Not drinking will make your life feel a lot longer, according to a study that suggests not being a little bit drunk every day...
Next leaders debate to be chaired by Jeremy Kyle and feature Boris Johnson paternity...
The next General Election leaders debate will feature a new format hosted by Jeremy Kyle. There will also be a paternity test at the...
A quick break from satire
Last week there was a rather big election in the USA. The supporters of the losing candidate have spent every waking moment since, it...
Belfast Orange walk to become 24k Gold walk
The annual Orange walk of Belfast's protestant population is to take place this weekend and is expected to reveal itself now as a 24K...
Labour reports sophisticated cyberattack after Jeremy Corbyn’s MySpace account is hacked
The Labour Party has announced that it has been the subject of a cyberattack today.
A spokesman told us, "We first became aware of the...
Forecasters predict Christmas will be a fraught and expensive ordeal
Economic experts are forecasting that Christmas 2017 will see a double digit percentage increase in cost to the average family, based on a basket...
Shake ‘n’ Vac composer to have ashes scattered on carpet and hoovered up by...
Following reports that the composer of the 1980's Shake 'n' Vac advertising jingle has died, a source close to his family has confirmed that...
