Muppet fury over South West Trains slur
Muppets across Britain are furious today after learning that the name of their species was used as a slur to describe vandals by an...
Power vacuum at the top of British politics sponsored by Dyson
Into the breach steps the face that launched a thousand suckers, James Dyson. He wants the country to shake the dust off its feet...
Coronavirus causes charmer to consider condoms
Since moving to London, St Cuthbert's alumnus Ben Green has prided himself on, in his own words, "spreading his chutney round Putney". Claiming to...
What time is it Mr Woolfe?
Steven Woolfe, a total barrister who serves as a legal adviser to hedge fund managers and bankers narrowly missed his chance to become replacement...
Nation tries to remember why it told kids to knock on strangers’ doors for...
Did we just adjust the clocks so that it is dark by the time kids come home from school, and then teach them to...
85% Of Waitrose Customers Horrified To Learn It Is A Workers’ Collective
Festive upper middle class shoppers in Waitrose were astonished and horrified to learn that the store is run as a workers' collective.
Eric Pode (40),...
March Against Hate Wins World Irony Cup
The World Irony Championship has been cancelled for 2017 after anti-Muslims calling themselves UK Against Hate held a march against extremism.
“We normally wait until...
Dominic Raaaaab resigns to commit more time to GCSE resit
Dominic Raab has announced he's resigning to spend more time with his Geography GCSE revision.
Mr Raaab announced his resignation earlier today saying, "I've...
French Declare Victory and Award Medals After Sniper Shoots Drinks Waiter
France has declared 3 days of National holidays after a "hero" sniper accidentally injured two people who were moving cases of Evian at an...
Amber Weather Warning follow reports Northerner is thinking about getting big coat out of...
The Met Office has issued an amber warning for apocalyptic snow and ice overnight after a Northerner was overheard speculating that it might be...
Arsonists shocked building they set on fire is burning
A group of arsonists have spoken of their shock at discovering that a building they've spent a decade carefully trying to set fire to...
David Davis-Brexit Speech in full
In a monumentous speech to the House of Commons yesterday, the Brexit Minister David Davis set out the government's plans for taking Britain out...
Someone on Instagram has poached an egg
According to widespread reports somebody on Instagram has only gone and poached an egg.
Rumours are spreading that the egg poacher may have in fact...
Electric shock therapy recharges your batteries, says sadistic boss
The boss of a Rochdale mobile phone tech support company, Globally Integrated Mobile Phone Solutions, has been telling the Herald how electric shock therapy...
Daily Mail readers hospitalised after inhaling EU migrant gas at Birling Gap
Over one hundred patriotic Daily Mail readers were hospitalised yesterday after inhaling toxic EU migrant gas while innocently sea siding at Birling Gap.
The weather...
Michael Gove is still a bellend, says Michael Gove’s mum
Christine Gove, adoptive mother of Michael Gove MP has come out saying "he is still a bit of a bellend."
It comes after the failed...
