Britain’s Children Rejoice as Broccoli Rationed
Playgrounds and schools all over the country were full of joyous celebration as Britain's children heard that Broccoli has been rationed.
"Fabbolishus!", declared Ryan Whingeing...
Theresa May Fumbles For Pin For Grenade She Shoved Up Her Ass
Theresa May is reported to be surrounded by a Bomb Disposal Unit this evening after the discovery of an unexploded grenade inside her ass.
The...
Man who thinks caging children is a good idea says Brexit will be great
A man who thinks that separating children from their parents and putting them in a cage is a good idea has said that the...
Stonehenge to be knocked down to make way for new Super-Mosque
Details leaked from an article due to be published in the Daily Mail show plans to bulldoze the famous neolithic landmark to make way...
Working class couple getting married
A working class couple, Steven Dickinson and Barbara Stevenson, who don't own a string of polo ponies, are due to get married at a...
Jim Bowen to be placed in burning speedboat in viking funeral
Jim Bowen, the comedian and inventor of darts is to receive a full viking funeral.
Mr Bowen, who invented the game of "darts" in the...
‘Fuck equality’ says equalities boss
The chairman of the Equality and Human Rights Commission (EHRC) David Isaac made the comment earlier this week;
"Everyone is equal and all religions should be...
People confused over what Testing is for
Journalists and other easily baffled people were today up in arms that a thing being tested didn't work as planned.
Idiots the country over were...
Deer left shaken by run in with Prince
A Balmoral based deer has spoken out after being run down by the heir to the British throne.
Dougal Hornhead spoke to the Herald after...
Christmas ruined after husband caught shagging secretary on Christmas Eve
Christmas is officially ruined after the managing director of a local advertising agency was caught by his wife bonking his secretary on Christmas Eve.
Father...
Colonel Mustard blames the Housing Minister in the Cabinet Office with the Funding Cuts
Colonel Mustard has alleged that the housing minister, in the cabinet office, with the funding cuts caused the Grenfell fire.
The Colonel, wearing a...
Bloke who described himself as inspirational and entrepreneurial on CV definitely neither
A bloke’s glowing description of himself on his CV definitely does not bear any resemblance to observations of his personality, it has emerged.
During a...
Confused Alt-Right activists boycott PC World
Several branches of the computer retailer PC World have reported a spike in confused right-wing "activists" gathering outside their premises in protest.
The cause of...
M&Ms Sharing packs to be renamed Who Are You To Judge Me packs
Chocolate mega-conglomerate Mars have confirmed they are renaming 'Share' packs to more accurately reflect their customers' selfish, secretive consumption style.
Advertising campaigns for the larger...
Boris Johnson promises £350M a week to the recovery of the British Virgin Islands
Boris Johnson, United Kingdom Foreign Secretary and all round honest broker, took the airwaves via the Today programme this morning to promise the UK...
Government Announces National Nothing Day.
From worthy issues such as International Women’s Day to cultural stereotypes like National Tea Day, it seems like every day is "something" Day.
Just...
