National News

Wanky-named cod impersonator and Labour MP Thangar Debonairre (ironically in charge of modern culture!) was recently told to "Get in the sea," by a student of Bristol University. The Labour MP then reported this as...

BMW has confirmed a second recall of hundreds of thousands of vehicles from UK roads in a year, due to problems with the cars faulty drivers. The German car giant said it was recalling 312,000...

A British expat has hailed Parliament's rejection of EU citizens' right to stay in the UK post Brexit. Speaking from beside his swimming pool at his luxurious Marbella villa, Ken 'Fingers' McKray, 54, an import-exporter...

It was revealed today that the Brexit deal was decided by the British government and the EC leaders taking part in an episode of popular 1980s game show 'Bullseye'. The British pair, Dominic Raab and...

The team behind the bewilderingly popular series of computer games Call of Duty has revealed that the next instalment of the franchise will be set on Oxford Street during Black Friday sales.  The release follows...

As reports develop of the latest weather front to hit the UK, it appears that a storm is brewing in the music world that's set to overshadow the race for Christmas Number One. It...

After spending the long winter months in a hibernatory slumber, the nation's middle-aged men are getting all silly over news that the first hardware superstores and garden centres have been spotted migrating back to...

The recent heatwave shows no sign of abating with another four weeks of sunshine forecast by the Met Office. A hosepipe ban has been enacted by local councils as United Utilities has reported an increase...

Members of a mob that smashed up an ambulance as part of the post match celebrations yesterday were within their democratic rights according to Brexiteers. Cliff Edge said, "If you look at the footage the...

A pretentious couple from Rochdale have installed another place to have a pooh in their house, for some reason. Steve and Barbara Dickinson have revealed that they can now do a turd in their bedroom...

Sociologists and linguists from Rochdale Community University have discovered that Kelvin Pastie, 31, an unemployed conspiracy theorist, speaks almost entirely in cliches. "We first heard of him on a Twitter feed when he said, 'Corybin should...

Theresa May is to urge Tory delegates to get behind her theory that the Earth is actually flat. Mrs May is telling everyone they need to buy into her idea as there simply isn't time...

Diners in a Milnrow curry house were astonished as the 45th (and probably last) President of the USA stopped an armed bandit carrying out a knifepoint robbery. Dhansak enthusiast Simon Dhansak said "I was in...

Iain Duncan Smith, MP for Chingford and Woodford Green, says strict investiture rules mean he could be forced to wait as long as six weeks for his knighthood. Duncan Smith, said that when he first...

A group of arsonists have spoken of their shock at discovering that a building they've spent a decade carefully trying to set fire to is now burning and may get out of control. One of...

Ryanair CEO, and Doctor Who Super Fan, Michael O'Leary reaffirms airline's commitment to the BBC series Budget airline Ryanair continues to work round the BBC ban on advertising with boss Michael O'Leary's cunning strategy.  This...