An administrative error has seen government funding to renew British nuclear armaments sent to the wrong ‘Trident.’
Earlier today £100 billion was electronically transferred to the chewing gum company Trident, a branch of confectionery empire Cadbury, in what is being described as an “honest mistake.”
Defence secretary, Michael Fallon, issued the following statement:
“This is a mistake which anyone could have made: simple human error. We have asked Trident very nicely to give us the money back – but unfortunately they do not think this will be possible due to having misplaced the card reader required to make new online payments. Rest assured that the nuclear programme will go ahead with renewal as planned, regardless of this small setback. While funding may now require us to make further cuts to less important sectors such as healthcare and education we believe this will benefit the British public in the long run. Not only can we maintain a strong nuclear deterrent but now we can guarantee stronger, healthier teeth for the most deprived areas of the country.”
“It is well known in the medical community that chewing gum is an effective appetite suppressant. We hope to take advantage of this new opportunity to relieve the increasing pressure placed on food banks around the nation”, said a Conservative Health Spokesperson.