Nuclear weapons all over the world are today looking forward to their upcoming launch as an opportunity to stretch their legs. 

With launch codes about to be given to President Fuckface Von Clownstick, many weapons of mass destruction are optimistic about getting to see more of the world. Albeit briefly.

Millie Sieverts, a 50 Megaton Intercontinental Ballistic Missile from North Dakota told the Herald;

“I’m looking forward to getting out of the silo to be honest. I’ve been cooped up here too long and it will be nice to stretch my atoms in a massive exothermic chain reaction. That dick in the next silo along is getting right on my MIRVs. ”

Meanwhile submarine based cruise missile Pico Roentgen told us, “I’ve booked a tour across several countries, taking in the east coast of Italy, across the Balkans and Russia, ending up in Moscow.”

“It’s going to be mint, as apparently it’ll be quite sunny and warm when I get there.”