National News

Amber Rudd today denied she had resigned as Home Secretary, and claimed she had simply renegotiated the job title and specification. "I have agreed with Theresa May that my post will now be called...

The European Union, desperate for the UK to remain, have said that the proposed European Standard Weather system due to come into operation early next year, could be extended to the UK - but...

Today small minded people up and down the land were in uproar as rumours that the cheese eating surrender monkeys want the English border to be moved to England. Nigel (52) from Rochdale told us; "This...

Anti-bullying & equality campaigners have praised plans by children's show Thomas the Tank Engine to highlight modern issues in the latest series of the classic show. Producers confirmed that the show's famous Railway Controller Sir...

British retail workers have revealed that they're looking forward to signing on with blue passports. Cliff Edge told us, "Not having a job or any money will be a drag. I'll probably be feeling quite...

After spending the long winter months in a hibernatory slumber, the nation's middle-aged men are getting all silly over news that the first hardware superstores and garden centres have been spotted migrating back to...

A leather jacket being worn by an overweight middle-aged northern bloke is utterly failing to make him look cool. Steve Dickinson’s faux vintage black leather biker jacket from Superdry is supposed to make him look...

Dominic Raab has announced he's resigning to spend more time with his Geography GCSE revision. Mr Raaab announced his resignation earlier today saying, "I've spent 5 months trying to negotiate Brexit and all I've...

The Rochdale to English Dictionary today confirmed it would be adding the colloquial phrase 'wankers dozen' to their 2019 edition. The R.E.D.'s official definition is 'a meeting of Britain First, or any other notorious...

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has layed out plans to take RyanAir into public ownership alongside the railways and the Royal Mail in a radical manifesto that promises to solve every problem instantly. A draft...

Anthropologists working at the University of Bath today released a study which they claim demonstrates that the human race appears to be separating into two distinct species. They also point out that, for one of...

Indeed, not one instance was found of a non-racist comment following "I'm not a racist, but."

A source within the Conservative Party has confirmed today that they plan to murder all of the potholes in the country should they win the next general election. Unveiling a groundbreaking policy to fix something...

Diane Abbott was resurrected this afternoon to speak to a journalist of sorts, on the BBC. Ms Abbott used one of her last possible outings as a politician of um, importance, to offer the...

Carwyn Jones has changed his mind on Welsh Independence after Gareth Bale’s new contract doubled the GDP of Wales.

The Warwickshire town of Leamington could become the new English capital following the United Kingdom's departure from the European union, sources close to prime minister Theresa May have suggested. The sources confirmed that the government,...