The Caribbean is facing more misery this week as islanders struggle to deal with the destruction left in the wake of Hurricane Irma.
What has been described as a “monster fatberg” has been spotted in the region with some witnesses describing it as truly disgusting.
“There it was just floating around just off the beach. At first I thought it was a few hundred tonnes of congealed lard, used wet wipes and dirty nappies but then I realised it was Boris Johnson. It was a pretty horrible shock I can tell you.” One BVI resident told The Herald.
“We could probably find a use for twenty five thousand used wet wipes and some rancid animal fat but what the hell are we supposed to do with Boris Johnson, he’s literally useless.”
Mr Johnson is touring the Caribbean and the BVI to demonstrate the UK’s commitment to British territories in the region.
“To be honest we’d rather they sent some drinking water and some food. Boris is quite literally the last thing we need right now.”
The Foreign Secretary has already promised each islander £350 million a week in aid and assured them that all of their bananas will be bendy again.
“Genuinely. I have no idea why he’s here. It’s bad enough that every building on the island is rubble and we’re all either going to die of cholera or starvation without having to deal with some pasty white fat bloke in Bermuda shorts.”
The cabinet released a memo describing Boris’ visit to the region as another Titanic PR disaster.