Prince Andrew will release a sex tape in the cuming weeks in an effort to put to bed any rumours about his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein. 

The move comes after the interview he gave last weekend that has simultaneously been described as the second worse car crash by a member of the Royal Family and the best interview ever given by a member of the Royal Family.

A Palace PR spokesman said, “I take no responsibility for this decision. It’s entirely down to Prince Andrew. Last weekend he did an interview that could only have been worse had he said, ‘I totally fucking fucked her brains out.’ Then, demonstrated the positions used and afterwards, gone and burned an orphanage down. I resign.”

It’s currently not clear which channel the tape will be shown on. Sky 1 had suggested it might show it after Dwarf Date. Channel 4 were rumoured to be interested in showing it as a ‘sociological study’. Channel 5 have refused as their flagship show, The Nazi Paedophile Benefits Gyspy Scroungers Next Door will be opening soon.

Elsewhere,  Prince Charles is rumoured to have complained to Buckingham Palace after he was presented with 20 of the finest virgins in New Zealand on his ongoing state visit.