Brock Hampstead, a male badger from the New Forest, has started a campaign targeting what he claims is speciesist profiling by advertisers.

“I know that advertising works to strict algorithms, I’m not an idiot, but as a young, fit black-and-white male I feel like I’m being targetted unfairly. We’d all like firmer, more wiry bristles, but my partner loves me for who I am and that’s all that matters to me – but I worry about a generation of young badgers growing up with bristle-anxiety, too scared to even talk to a potential mate because they feel alienated and excluded by these ads…

I’ve asked, because I have friends in the crow community – yes, don’t look so shocked, some of my best friends are crows, actually! – and there doesn’t seem to be a crow analog of these ads, quite tellingly… Nobody is getting rich trying to sell young crows beak extensions or wing-wax, even though these products exist. (I’m also aware that gender specificity is MUCH more of an issue in crow society than in badgers, but that’s a conversation for another day…) What’s happening is a clear and obvious attempt to monetise sexual insecurity, and I’m sick of it.”

A spokes-rat for Scraatchi & Scraatchi, the largest advertising firm of it’s kind today, released this statement in response to Mr. Hampstead’s campaign:

“We’re sorry that Mr Hampstead feels this way, but would like to turn his attention to a number of inner-city workshops funded by our company, discussing gender roles and fur dysmorphia with children of school age. If Mr. Hampstead wishes to see change in his community, we applaud that but would advise against looking for easy scapegoats.”

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Quentin D Fortesqueue is a founding editor of The Rochdale Herald. Part time amateur narcissist and full time satirist Quentin is never happier than when playing his lute and drinking a full bodied Bordeaux. He rarely plays the lute and never gets to drink Bordeaux.